Trauma and depression are strong companions(they teach you a side of the truth, the dark side of the truth, but still a relatable side) and fake friends and doctors are enemy of your soul and account balance. Many times you are already dead inside, but you still want to discover if there is something good in life and you just keep going, eventually you'll just ctb.
In my case my will to die is far stronger than the will to live, but somehow i hope to find something or someone that will change my mind.