Venting Suicidal thoughts

[SanguineShark]

I told my closest people I'm going to go to a psychiatric hospital but... I just don't want to.. I want to ctb real bad.. I'm so tempted, I even thanked my friends for all their help to getting me to go on with a decision to go to a hospital but like, it is pointless. I'm broken beyond rapair. I've been non stop miserable, depressed and lonely for past 7 years. I have trauma, I have stubstance abuse issues... I feel worthless, unlovable and defeated. What's the point of keeping myself alive if I'm such a failure? A highschool dropout with unachievable broken dreams. I just know I'm going to be in the same fucking rock bottom again in the future, no matter what I do... I really want to ctb, but I'm afraid of hurting people. Though... I fis my friends would just tell me outright how they feel about me, so I could feel at least a little bit important.

 

[MrDarkness]

We can't see the future, no one can, it can either be good or awful, I hate chances tbh, it's not 100% it will get better

 

[day]

I have to agree with darkness in the sense that maybe it's for the best. For me personally I'd hate to be in a place where I'm treated inferior just because of my outlook on death and existence.

Hope you get what you're looking for though OP. Sorry the world has brought you to this point.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Yeah life sucks. I dropped out of uni 4 times about 20 years ago. I'm a fucking failure. Life is so incredibly unsatisfying. I wish I was dead. I've been seeing psychiatrists for 23 years and they have achieved fuck all. Total waste of time. They can't fix my broken life, they never even remotely try. I wish I was dead. I envy people who manage to escape this existence

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you've been through, to me it's certainly understandable just wishing to finally be free from all the suffering as I get that it really is so tiring feeling trapped here, existence is just too cruel. But anyway best wishes.

 

[flightlessbutterfly]

Though... I fis my friends would just tell me outright how they feel about me, so I could feel at least a little bit important.

At this point, just ask. If you're at the point where you see nothing but black tinted glasses, what do you have to lose? Just ask. I've done it and came out with nothing but jokes and no one taking me seriously but I found that I never took it to heart, because I don't have anything like that left for me anymore so I stayed.