7:04 AM 12/21/2020
I awoke around 4:10AM this morning, I gathered my thoughts. After sitting in bed for a good 30 - 40 mins, I grabbed the nearest bottle of aripiprazole (Which I've been saving for an occasion.) I essentially cleared every one of my devices. Deleted all social media, past writings, all forms of media and any possible paper trails from my devices. I put on music to calm me down, and I researched lethal doses. From what I've read, aripiprazole isn't lethal even in severe overdosing. Nothing more than basic symptoms of poisoning: vomiting, confusion, pain, etc. I was planning on taking my entire 30 tablet 15mg prescription bottle (Equal to 450mg all together.) I read about an incident of a woman attempting suicide by using 330mg, but the attempt was a complete failure. my dosage would have been over 100mg more than what she took, but I fear that I would only end up with permanent physical damage rather than death. I'm really disappointed in myself that I ended up chickening out. I do this every single time. I'll keep my devices wiped clean and refrain from social media interaction, I believe this will assist me in going through with it next time. Limiting any form of distraction. I feel like I'm getting more and more comfortable each time I contemplate attempting. This is a good sign. My goal is to eventually go through with it sometime before or on my 21st birthday. (January 25th)
Bree
I awoke around 4:10AM this morning, I gathered my thoughts. After sitting in bed for a good 30 - 40 mins, I grabbed the nearest bottle of aripiprazole (Which I've been saving for an occasion.) I essentially cleared every one of my devices. Deleted all social media, past writings, all forms of media and any possible paper trails from my devices. I put on music to calm me down, and I researched lethal doses. From what I've read, aripiprazole isn't lethal even in severe overdosing. Nothing more than basic symptoms of poisoning: vomiting, confusion, pain, etc. I was planning on taking my entire 30 tablet 15mg prescription bottle (Equal to 450mg all together.) I read about an incident of a woman attempting suicide by using 330mg, but the attempt was a complete failure. my dosage would have been over 100mg more than what she took, but I fear that I would only end up with permanent physical damage rather than death. I'm really disappointed in myself that I ended up chickening out. I do this every single time. I'll keep my devices wiped clean and refrain from social media interaction, I believe this will assist me in going through with it next time. Limiting any form of distraction. I feel like I'm getting more and more comfortable each time I contemplate attempting. This is a good sign. My goal is to eventually go through with it sometime before or on my 21st birthday. (January 25th)
Bree
