Suicidal "Gesture"

[jumprope]

Please do not judge me or tell me to change my mind. This forum is about choice, and I've made one.

I would like to make a very realistic suicidal gesture without dying (ideally) or any horrible, long-lasting side effects (necessary). I need to think of a plan that looks like I genuinely wanted the suicide to work, without it actually working. Right now I'm leaning towards ODing, possibly on amitriptyline or benzos, and being discovered 'early'.

Does anyone have any suggestions for methods or any general advice?

I've tried to kill myself (legitimately) twice and been near death both times. This time I'm not so sure but can only get help with a very real-seeming attempt. I would appreciate any help!

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Are you sure you can only get help with a realistic attempt? Explore other ways of getting help. If they know you've tried to commit suicide before they'll believe you might try it again. So maybe you can ask for help first instead of trying to fake a suicide attempt.

 

[Redt2go]

Please do not judge me or tell me to change my mind. This forum is about choice, and I've made one.

I would like to make a very realistic suicidal gesture without dying (ideally) or any horrible, long-lasting side effects (necessary). I need to think of a plan that looks like I genuinely wanted the suicide to work, without it actually working. Right now I'm leaning towards ODing, possibly on amitriptyline or benzos, and being discovered 'early'.

Does anyone have any suggestions for methods or any general advice?

I've tried to kill myself (legitimately) twice and been near death both times. This time I'm not so sure but can only get help with a very real-seeming attempt. I would appreciate any help!

Just lie about drinking a bunch of alcohol and don't actually drink boom. Now you've convinced people and you're not dead/dying

 

[Xerxes]

Is it an attempt for a personal wake up call to your life? I know sometimes being brought to the brink of death can change people sometimes.

 

[OkTotti]

try holding your breathe as long as you can...

 

[Dead_Inside]

Well first thing- just be very careful. Even faking a suicide can be dangerous. I worry about you trying to OD for that reason. I mean, is it going to be ok for you if you actually die? You said you have previous attempts.....
What about cutting your wrists? Less likely to die- there would be scaring of course .... but if you prep with aspirin and alcohol and do some very carefully planned cutting I think we could get you a very horrifying suicide attempt that someone could rescue you from.
Please just don't use a gun ok? I know people seem to survive gun shots all the time - but just trust me, that's not how things always go.

 

[TiredHorse]

If you're careful about it, you could try partial suspention hanging with a rope, but use a knot other than a slipknot so it won't tighten --but be damned careful to experiment first, since just the pressure of your body weight might prove adequate to cut off blood supply.

ODing will mess you up to at least some degree, either short term or long term. Whether that's just an uncomfortable week in hospital or a new benzo addiction(?) you'll need to kick, it won't be pleasant. NOTE: I'm saying this last bit as someone who is a bit uncomfortable with and unknowledgeable about meds, so others should feel free to correct me.

 

[Broken]

I wouldn't try any sort of hanging for a gesture

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

Many people die by accident when making suicidal gestures. I understand feeling like you need to prove that you need help but unless you're willing to accept that you might succeed then it might not be the best idea.

 

[jumprope]

Is it an attempt for a personal wake up call to your life? I know sometimes being brought to the brink of death can change people sometimes.

This is part of it, yes.

Thanks for the responses so far, positive or negative. I appreciate the people who are telling me this is a dumb idea, but it's something that I think is necessary. As Ella Disenchanted pointed out, people who do these gestures have to be acknowledge that "gestures" like this might work, and I'm okay with that. It might not make much sense, but it's important to me that any gesture I make looks really, really real.

Another, more specific question in case anyone knows-- if I took an overdose of amitriptylene, is there any way the doctors could tell how much I took? Could I take less but make it look like I took more?

 

[killing me softly]

try holding your breathe as long as you can...

Forget about it.We like authentic people here.
There is enough fakeness in the world.

given that jumprope is obviously experiencing some serious mental anguish and is seeking help, i don't understand why there is a need to belittle their appeal. this community is meant to open and accepting and helpful.

with that said, @jumprope i hope you are able to get the outcome you're looking for. i assume by wanting to commit a suicidal gesture that you are hoping to get help because even though you feel hopeless/suicidal/desperate you deep down don't want to die. i also am going to assume you're feeling afraid/ashamed/worried about reaching out to someone to ask for help. if that's the case i ask you to consider the following before trying anything. any suicide attempt, gesture or not, is going to come with some serious risks to your long term health. you cannot predict how things will go - how your body will react, how long it will take someone to respond, etc. you may end up doing permanent damage or even worse killing yourself. for this reason i would discourage you.

there are many ways for you to reach out for help, starting with anonymous chats/hotlines where you can just have a conversation to more direct personal ways such as friends/family, a doctor, etc.

i completely respect your decision, no matter what that is. i just worry you may end up regretting a gesture that turns into something more serious.

i'd be happy to talk to you more through private chat if you think i can be helpful.

 

[jumprope]

If you're careful about it, you could try partial suspention hanging with a rope, but use a knot other than a slipknot so it won't tighten --but be damned careful to experiment first, since just the pressure of your body weight might prove adequate to cut off blood supply.

ODing will mess you up to at least some degree, either short term or long term. Whether that's just an uncomfortable week in hospital or a new benzo addiction(?) you'll need to kick, it won't be pleasant. NOTE: I'm saying this last bit as someone who is a bit uncomfortable with and unknowledgeable about meds, so others should feel free to correct me.

ODing scares me less than hanging. I'd rather be sick for a week or two (like ICU-sick) then potentially brain damaged.

That said, I haven't really considered what the full options are for hanging, so I will look into this. Thanks.

 

[killing me softly]

Another, more specific question in case anyone knows-- if I took an overdose of amitriptylene, is there any way the doctors could tell how much I took? Could I take less but make it look like I took more?

i wouldn't worry about details such as this. from past suicide attempts i can tell you the following (i'm based in the US, so this may be different in other locales) - a suicide attempt is always treated serious, no matter how "serious" it actually was. you will be treated for the medical symptoms first and foremost, followed by psychiatric evaluation. based on your answers, your history, etc. they will make a determination whether to place you on a psychiatric hold. if they deem you are a danger to yourself (or others) they can place you on a 72 hour hold. in my experience, this hold essentially is an observational and evaluation period for them to determine what to do next. the amount of actual treatment you get depends on where you are. however, and again, in my experience, the psychiatric "team" (social workers, psychiatrists, nurse practitioners, doctors) will likely coerce you to agree to "voluntarily" attend a 30 day in-patient program (or longer, depending on circumstances (and sadly, insurance)).

in my experience these can be very helpful, but results certainly can be mixed. they'll work with you on medications, coping strategies, etc. i even went to one place where i went through ECT as part of the process.

anyway, long story long, if you're set on doing this don't worry too much about convincing the ER docs by way of blood levels. all you have to do is tell them straight up you are serious about killing yourself.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I would just scream whatever I wanted at whoever I wanted it from.

That's why I yell at myself a hell of a lot.

 

[Ghastly]

Please do not judge me or tell me to change my mind. This forum is about choice, and I've made one.

I would like to make a very realistic suicidal gesture without dying (ideally) or any horrible, long-lasting side effects (necessary). I need to think of a plan that looks like I genuinely wanted the suicide to work, without it actually working. Right now I'm leaning towards ODing, possibly on amitriptyline or benzos, and being discovered 'early'.

Does anyone have any suggestions for methods or any general advice?

I've tried to kill myself (legitimately) twice and been near death both times. This time I'm not so sure but can only get help with a very real-seeming attempt. I would appreciate any help!

I don't have a good answer but wish you the best. I empathize with your struggle and you're in the right place thankfully this site doesn't really judge at all

I just thought of maybe an od/wrist slit? Some meds counteract each other so that you won't die because you seemed to mess up dosage or something. And slitting your wrists while painful sends a message. Maybe walk into traffic or go to a bridge that you know it's monitored?

 

[airixv]

If you're careful about it, you could try partial suspention hanging with a rope, but use a knot other than a slipknot so it won't tighten --but be damned careful to experiment first, since just the pressure of your body weight might prove adequate to cut off blood supply.

ODing will mess you up to at least some degree, either short term or long term. Whether that's just an uncomfortable week in hospital or a new benzo addiction(?) you'll need to kick, it won't be pleasant. NOTE: I'm saying this last bit as someone who is a bit uncomfortable with and unknowledgeable about meds, so others should feel free to correct me.

YES I can attest to this. Last September I OD'd on benzos in order to pacify myself for partial suspension. That one dose was enough to create a severe physical dependence for me. Currently I'm still incredibly fucked up from it and I'm not exaggerating, I still have unbearable, debilitating withdrawal symptoms.

 

[Jen Erik]

That said, I haven't really considered what the full options are for hanging, so I will look into this. Thanks.

Hanging of any sort is extremely risky. Things can go awry in a split second. There are a number of narratives on this site of people having caught themselves right before passing out; they had not expected to lose consciousness so quickly or with the set up they had created. Had they not been able to react so quickly, they may very well have died.

 

[TiredHorse]

Hanging of any sort is extremely risky. Things can go awry in a split second. There are a number of narratives on this site of people having caught themselves right before passing out; they had not expected to lose consciousness so quickly or with the set up they had created. Had they not been able to react so quickly, they may very well have died.

Listen to @Jen Erik before me; I only know the basic principle. I was suggesting, in essence, to tie a fixed loop (not a noose) to simulate the appearance of hanging, but if even that is too risky --as others here would know better than I would-- better to do something else.

 

[jumprope]

anyway, long story long, if you're set on doing this don't worry too much about convincing the ER docs by way of blood levels. all you have to do is tell them straight up you are serious about killing yourself.

This is what I'm worried about, though. I realize it's irrational but if I'm going to make this gesture, I want it to look as real and serious as possible.

No offense meant and thank you for your response, I just wanted to write that I do realize this is weird and irrational and I could get help in other ways, but this is something I need to do.

 

[jumprope]

YES I can attest to this. Last September I OD'd on benzos in order to pacify myself for partial suspension. That one dose was enough to create a severe physical dependence for me. Currently I'm still incredibly fucked up from it and I'm not exaggerating, I still have unbearable, debilitating withdrawal symptoms.

Yike, thanks for the info. I'm still considering a little bit of benzos and a lot of amitriptyline.

Sorry to hear you're still suffering from this!

 

[jumprope]

i completely respect your decision, no matter what that is. i just worry you may end up regretting a gesture that turns into something more serious.

Thank you for this message. I appreciate yours and all the serious responses. You've definitely all given me some things to think about.

For what it's worth, I do realize there is an extreme risk with whatever I do. Right now, however, I really feel like that's a bonus, if anything.

 

[Broken]

Also something else I feel is worth saying: what if you make a suicidal gesture but you don't get the response your after?

 

[21Neberg]

Thank you for this message. I appreciate yours and all the serious responses. You've definitely all given me some things to think about.

For what it's worth, I do realize there is an extreme risk with whatever I do. Right now, however, I really feel like that's a bonus, if anything.

I don't know the reaction you're after, but chances are you'll be locked up in a mental hospital when you fail your 'attempt'. I'm not sure if that's something you should want.

 

[Broken]

no worries if don't want to answer but I'm gonna ask. Who are you making this gesture to and the purpose? Is it to make someone realise you want help?

 

[Broken]

My only advice would be if it's not about wanting to show people you need help you may not get the response your after

 

[RyanSuicide]

Gestures are too dangerous my friend...

 

[jumprope]

no worries if don't want to answer but I'm gonna ask. Who are you making this gesture to and the purpose? Is it to make someone realise you want help?

Yes. I need help or I'm going to commit suicide for real. The only way I can get it is to make a severe suicide attempt.

The response I want is being locked in a mental hospital for a little while. If people find me, there's no way that would not be the results. If, for some reason, it wasn't, I'll kill myself.

 

[About_to_Go]

Yes. I need help or I'm going to commit suicide for real. The only way I can get it is to make a severe suicide attempt.

The response I want is being locked in a mental hospital for a little while. If people find me, there's no way that would not be the results. If, for some reason, it wasn't, I'll kill myself.

Why not just go to a hospital and ask to be admitted?

 

[jumprope]

Why not just go to a hospital and ask to be admitted?

I'm already in a hospital day program. The doctors know I have been thinking about suicide but don't think I'm suicidal. I'm honestly not at all sure that I'm thinking rationally about this because I can realize what I am about to say makes no real sense, but -- I don't feel like they will believe I need the next level up of care unless I have severely hurt myself, or tried to.

I don't want anyone to think I'm faking or exaggerating and to do so I have to do something drastic.

The only other times I've been hospitalized have been after incredibly severe (legitimate) suicide attempts. I don't think anyone will believe I'm that sick again unless I have another severe attempt.

 

[About_to_Go]

I'm already in a hospital day program. The doctors know I have been thinking about suicide but don't think I'm suicidal. I'm honestly not at all sure that I'm thinking rationally about this because I can realize what I am about to say makes no real sense, but -- I don't feel like they will believe I need the next level up of care unless I have severely hurt myself, or tried to.

I don't want anyone to think I'm faking or exaggerating and to do so I have to do something drastic.

The only other times I've been hospitalized have been after incredibly severe (legitimate) suicide attempts. I don't think anyone will believe I'm that sick again unless I have another severe attempt.

Have you tried sharing exactly this with your doctors? Telling them that you are seriously worried that you're going to take your own life and feel like you need more help than what you're receiving currently.