Venting Suicidal even when happy

[Fire]

I just don't get it, no matter what I do I am generally always suicidal. It's a nagging thought in the back of my head; What's the point? Everything feels meaningless.

Therapy hasn't helped, the array of medications I've tried haven't helped, nor has different treatments like TMS.

Physical chronic illness and mental health issues have plagued me for a long time and eat and run laps around me. I've been suicidal for so long yet I just can't do it and it frustrates me so much. If I'm always going to be dealing with health issues my quality of life will more than likely always be diminished. Life has been very overwhelming to experience for a long long time now.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring what you've been through, it sounds like you've suffered a lot. But anyway best wishes.

 

[bakerscreen]

I just don't get it, no matter what I do I am generally always suicidal. It's a nagging thought in the back of my head; What's the point? Everything feels meaningless.

Therapy hasn't helped, the array of medications I've tried haven't helped, nor has different treatments like TMS.

Physical chronic illness and mental health issues have plagued me for a long time and eat and run laps around me. I've been suicidal for so long yet I just can't do it and it frustrates me so much. If I'm always going to be dealing with health issues my quality of life will more than likely always be diminished. Life has been very overwhelming to experience for a long long time now.

wow, i relate. As long as I can remeber i've wanted to end it, but I never really could (i've tried tho). And when i get happyer, it isn't like im not suicidal anymore. I just try to convince myself i wouldn't give this life up.

Recently i discoverd that the reason im so fascinated with death, is because i dont know what will happen next. And i think nothing can be as cruel than this world we live in. maby this is the same with you..

 

[Fire]

wow, i relate. As long as I can remeber i've wanted to end it, but I never really could (i've tried tho). And when i get happyer, it isn't like im not suicidal anymore. I just try to convince myself i wouldn't give this life up.

Recently i discoverd that the reason im so fascinated with death, is because i dont know what will happen next. And i think nothing can be as cruel than this world we live in. maby this is the same with you..

i'm sorry you feel similar and can relate to such a heavy burden.
you have an interesting perspective on what may be the reason and to some extent i agree. i believe atm it's mainly my physical health issues that make me question the act of suicide. that is what i go back to when I'm happy, thinking about how futile it is and how my health issues will follow me. i don't want to deal with that possibly forever.
i think there is some fascination with the unknown for me and i do get fixated on it from time to time. definitely something i will think about, so thank you.