Suicidal but not depressed?

[Coconut7]

Anyone else feel that they aren't depressed, but still suicidal from hopelessness? I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself, but I don't think so.

I know what I feel like when I'm depressed. I increased my antidepressants recently, and the "depression" feeling (things like unassigned dread and despair) are gone again...but things in my life feel hopeless, and I'm tired of suffering, so I'm still suicidal.

I'm fact, I feel more calmly suicidal than I've ever felt. Curious if anyone else feels the same?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure really. I suspect I'd only come out with mild to moderate depression if I were to take one of those questionnaires again. Whatever it is, it isn't debilitating. I can function. Hold down a job. My eating and sleeping patterns are reasonable. I can even enjoy things still. I'm just tired of life though. Working to pay for it all. One chore after the next. I just don't think it's worth it!

Maybe it is depression attacking my energy levels. So much is a struggle. I do it though. If it was that bad, wouldn't I be incapable?

Honestly, the depression- ideation link tends to piss me off. If they want to insist that you can't have ideation without debilitating depression then, I ought to qualify for benefits. I very much doubt that I would though.

So, my ideation must come from something else then- surely? How about: A reasoned assesment that life is an unreasonable imposition that I never chose and just want the f*ck out of?

 

[Coconut7]

I'm not sure really. I suspect I'd only come out with mild to moderate depression if I were to take one of those questionnaires again. Whatever it is, it isn't debilitating. I can function. Hold down a job. My eating and sleeping patterns are reasonable. I can even enjoy things still. I'm just tired of life though. Working to pay for it all. One chore after the next. I just don't think it's worth it!

Maybe it is depression attacking my energy levels. So much is a struggle. I do it though. If it was that bad, wouldn't I be incapable?

Honestly, the depression- ideation link tends to piss me off. If they want to insist that you can't have ideation without debilitating depression then, I ought to qualify for benefits. I very much doubt that I would though.

So, my ideation must come from something else then- surely? How about: A reasoned assesment that life is an unreasonable imposition that I never chose and just want the f*ck out of?

That last sentence hits perfectly.

But I don't think you can judge your depression on whether or not you can push through and do required tasks. You can still have severe depression while maintaining life. Not suggesting that you are depressed, just a general comment about functionality.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me I just don't see wanting to die as any kind of illness rather it's the opposite, I see existence as the problem and my wish to permanently cease existing is a result of being burdened with this dreadful, torturous existence I always saw as a mistake.

I don't see how it could be an illness not wanting to suffer in this futile existence that is just waiting to die anyway just to be tortured by old age and die anyway with no limit as to how much one can suffer, I just find it so deeply undesirable to exist and I'd never wish for the pain and suffering of this existence no matter what rather all I want is to never exist again, only non-existence can solve everything for me, only non-existence is positive for me and is all that can bring me peace.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I joined SaSu while stable and not depressed. I had made the decision pretty calmly that I was going to work toward the goal of ctb. Before last year I had never been suicidal while stable. It is so sad to think things have gotten to a point that ctb is the rational decision for me.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Severe crippling major depression. Non functional and need to die.

 

[NonEssential]

I'm not diagnosed with depression and I do not like self-diagnosing. Sure, some have suspected I have depression, but they've also suspected that I may have autism so I dunno how seriously I should take them.

 

[hemlocked]

I haven't felt very depressed for some months. My decision to CTB isn't depressive but based on what seems under quite a lot of scrutiny and introspection to be a rational evaluation of the amount of future suffering that my neurodevelopmental social disabilities and deportation from a country where I have lived for many years will cause me. I have already suffered more than I'd want to admit throughout my life, starting in early childhood, and it's enough now.

And ever since I finalised my chosen method as well as a backup method and hidden them at another location a kind of calm has come over me. Some days I even enjoy myself. I'm spending most of my days keeping busy with things I appreciate doing. I don't really see people because I have a hard time lying about my intentions and I don't enjoy making others unhappy, but that's mostly okay.

 

[_Gollum_]

I'm suicidal regardless of the circumstances of my life or how good/bad I'm feeling. The only thing that changes with my mood is my motivation to go through with it.

 

[timechained]

I feel more calmly suicidal than I've ever felt. Curious if anyone else feels the same?

So, my ideation must come from something else then- surely? How about: A reasoned assesment that life is an unreasonable imposition that I never chose and just want the f*ck out of?

It is inconceivable that a person would rationally choose to end their lives, no, there must be some "underlying condition" to explain it...idiots!

Is life really that amazing that there is no one who would consciously want to not live here??? Believing that is absurd!!!

I am depressed and suicidal because not being able to ctb makes me depressed.

 

[thealleycat]

I selected "other".
Sometimes, I feel like total trash and it causes me to be suicidal.
Other days, I can spend my dream day, come home and feel even more suicidal than the latter.

I think depression can obviously lead to suicidal ideation, but they're not mutually exclusive.

 

[unluckysadness]

I have suicidal ideation but my psychiatrist sold me I don't have depression. It doesn't make sense. But i saw her only 3 times for now and i didn"t told her about my suicidal tendencies as I'm paranoid and i don't want to be sent to a psych ward

 

[kavina]

Not depressed right now but passive suicidal ideation, with no active or plans. I can be extremely depressed and NOT suicidal at all. Or think about it while not being depressed. It's complex.

 

[Daphne]

I've tried many antidepressants. The one that worked best for me is addictive so it won't be prescribed in my country. Drug laws are too strict.

 

[Merocero]

I'm in a spot where i dont know what i want.. I have a depressive disorder but i dont exactly want to ctb, i wouldnt want to hurt others even if it would end my suffering, i just couldnt. So i resort to SH and pretending i'm fine,,

 

[brokeandbroken]

Anyone else feel that they aren't depressed, but still suicidal from hopelessness? I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself, but I don't think so.

I know what I feel like when I'm depressed. I increased my antidepressants recently, and the "depression" feeling (things like unassigned dread and despair) are gone again...but things in my life feel hopeless, and I'm tired of suffering, so I'm still suicidal.

I'm fact, I feel more calmly suicidal than I've ever felt. Curious if anyone else feels the same?

I wouldn't say I am depressed. My life simply as it stands doesn't have many viable pathways to improvement that I can do myself. My life isn't good enough for my standards. I also know it will get worse much worse. I've basically become the person people made into a scapegoat. The medical school was corrupt I tried to fight it and lost my career over it. I'm paying the price for their sins. My family just projected everything negative they've ever gone through onto me. Society in general because I am broke white and homeless just tells me I am a piece of shit. The government basically to correct the sins of the past of people I never knew basically said hey we are going to make you sit your life out fuck you I enjoy your suffering. Basically people want me to suffer for their problems. And I don't want to do it. That's not the life I want to live. If I don't have agency to change it. I'm out. You guys can find a different scapegoat. Sadly God chose people and it's becoming more and more clear he didn't pick me. He certainly hasn't been with me.

It's just simply the calculus a horrible terrible no good life devoid of everything that makes up a good life is worse then no life at all. It's like I just want some area of my life to cling to and there just isn't any and there doesn't appear to be one on the horizon's. Who's my death to offend. The medical school probably would celebrate. My family would be angry their scapegoat is gone. Not offended or sad I am dead. Society and the government would celebrate. Another white man dead Hallelujah praise. Hope he suffered. God where were you?