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iLikeFrogs
In the grippy socks jail
- May 5, 2023
- 86
It's weird because I was at my low point for so long I was just lying in bed and doing nothing, too tired to even check this forum or do my studies. I actively planned to kill myself and even considered overdosing even though my last overdose left me with focal lesion in my frontal lobe and worsened my tetany. I was cutting myself again and even planned my attempt but I suddenly feel good, like I'm in remission or smth. I'm aware of my body and have strength to move and do stuff, I'm euphoric way more than usual and I feel like my bpd symptoms calmed down/are overshadowed by whatever I'm going through? I still want to ctb and have a plan but for no reason I feel healthy and it worries me. I don't want to be better, I want to be worse and have a reason to ctb so it doesn't seem like I did it because of finals that I'm having next year. I don't know "healthy me" if they ever existed and I don't want to become someone who is so foreign and empty to me- I want this vessel called body to turn into dust with whatever I could describe as me, the sick and miserable me.