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przeciwwymiotne

Be rude to me at all times, I don't deserve kindne
Jun 27, 2022
330
I'd go 20 days doing meditation, going to university, sauna, long walks (can't work out cuz I'm disabled) and all of the sudden I'll be like:
"I deserve a vacation from this healthy lifestyle, imma go back to being fucked up for a while"

And then I just lay in bed, fail exams, find excuses to stay home and watch YouTube, AND ROT. I love and hate the rot. Idk why šŸ˜¶

Paying attention to recovery is tiring. Trying is hard.

I have to manage my disability and can't get over how unfair this is. I can't, I think I was pampered too much when I was healthy.
 
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Dot

Dot

Globl mod | Info abt typng styl on prfle.
Sep 26, 2021
2,674
I'd go 20 days doing meditation, going to university, sauna, long walks (can't work out cuz I'm disabled) and all of the sudden I'll be like:
"I deserve a vacation from this healthy lifestyle, imma go back to being fucked up for a while"

And then I just lay in bed, fail exams, find excuses to stay home and watch YouTube, AND ROT. I love and hate the rot. Idk why šŸ˜¶

Paying attention to recovery is tiring. Trying is hard.

I have to manage my disability and can't get over how unfair this is. I can't, I think I was pampered too much when I was healthy.

Cld b bcse u mght b conditnd t/ fl uncmfrtble - s/ feelmg comfrtble ds nt fl 'sfe'

Recvry & feelng gd oftn allws unconscs thghts & fears t/ cme up & tht = oftn whre th/ hardr wrk cld b

Cld also b tht u r workng 2wrds smethng tht dp dwn u d/ nt wnt or fr th/ wrng reasns

Cld b wrth talkng wth therpst or try sme journlng & C whthr n.ethng cmes up
 
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ThisGameIsOverrated

I need RCs
May 6, 2024
153
Same I've had an issue like this for a long time, also weirdly I have this strange thing where if I get something good but in a way that feels "too lucky" I'll undo the thing to see if I could've achieved it without luck because I dont like the feeling that I only got something crucially helpful due to pure chance. It's also hard to implement good habits when it feels worthless and I'm a little scared if I feel too good I'll lose motivation to CTB so I'm just maintaining myself, making sure I don't get worse by staying away from bad things like drugs but at the same time I'm not actively improving my life either.
 
H

Hotsackage

Elementalist
Mar 11, 2019
898
I only do those things, to relax, no way I'm doing them to recover, cause that's not happening
 
F

fitwhatsthepoint

Member
Mar 15, 2024
5
I second that! I also am having troubles keeping it cool when I'm not in a crisis. It often feels uncomfortable, but not always and I think there's a way around it. In my case it's also ruminating, but also any other unpleasant emotional state that I can't deal with in a healthy way. Usually anger and loneliness. They're my triggers.
 
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przeciwwymiotne

Be rude to me at all times, I don't deserve kindne
Jun 27, 2022
330
I second that! I also am having troubles keeping it cool when I'm not in a crisis. It often feels uncomfortable, but not always and I think there's a way around it. In my case it's also ruminating, but also any other unpleasant emotional state that I can't deal with in a healthy way. Usually anger and loneliness. They're my triggers.
What do you think could be the way around it?
I only do those things, to relax, no way I'm doing them to recover, cause that's not happening
What else are you doing to relax? I find it really hard having known a lot of pain and having experienced death (nearly). It's like it's always lurking around the corner
 

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