such a broken mom

[Sinkinshyp]

Most know my story. My 25 yr old son died in a car accident Friday October 13, 2017. I am so destroyed and lost without him. His baby brother moved out a yr and a half almost to the day Joey died- April 10th 2019. So I spent my life as a single mom. All I ever wanted in life was a happy family because the one I was born into was shit hell. I had everything I wanted in the world- a happy family with myself and my 2 sons. I am just so lost and destroyed without my sons. I was supposed to drink my SN Oct 13th the day my son died. But my younger son reached out to me and asked me to go stay with him at my ex in laws. I was unable to afford to go this month. Hopefully november I can afford to go to him. The ONLY reason I did not drink my SN Oct 13th was because my younger son who will be 20 in January reached out to me to work on our relationship. I've been so depressed. Today I turn 49. I just want my family back, I just want to die to be with my older son. We had such a close bond- as you can read from his writing in this birthday card. I just want to se ehis beautiful smile. a hug and one last I love you Ma


Here is a card my kids got me either 2014 or 2015, Here are my older sons words

" Mom your birthday means so much to me to have you in my life another year The time I spend enfolded in your love. Each day, each moment is so dear! I cherish the very special bond we have You lift my spirit in so many ways I celebrate your life, I honor you and send my love and care and praise and Hope Today and the rest of time goes nothing but uphill for you. I appreciate everything you've done for me and I hope for nothing but happiness for you. Love you mom Happy Birthday"

 

[Lilacmoon]

You don't deserve all the pain you've lived through, not with how angelic you are for everyone here, on the sad corner of the internet.
I'll bombard you with hugs! Hug attacks!
You deserved so much better. I firmly believe your older son is waiting for you on the far side, whenever your time comes.

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

Most know my story. My 25 yr old son died in a car accident Friday October 13, 2017. I am so destroyed and lost without him. His baby brother moved out a yr and a half almost to the day Joey died- April 10th 2019. So I spent my life as a single mom. All I ever wanted in life was a happy family because the one I was born into was shit hell. I had everything I wanted in the world- a happy family with myself and my 2 sons. I am just so lost and destroyed without my sons. I was supposed to drink my SN Oct 13th the day my son died. But my younger son reached out to me and asked me to go stay with him at my ex in laws. I was unable to afford to go this month. Hopefully november I can afford to go to him. The ONLY reason I did not drink my SN Oct 13th was because my younger son who will be 20 in January reached out to me to work on our relationship. I've been so depressed. Today I turn 49. I just want my family back, I just want to die to be with my older son. We had such a close bond- as you can read from his writing in this birthday card. I just want to se ehis beautiful smile. a hug and one last I love you Ma


Here is a card my kids got me either 2014 or 2015, Here are my older sons words

" Mom your birthday means so much to me to have you in my life another year The time I spend enfolded in your love. Each day, each moment is so dear! I cherish the very special bond we have You lift my spirit in so many ways I celebrate your life, I honor you and send my love and care and praise and Hope Today and the rest of time goes nothing but uphill for you. I appreciate everything you've done for me and I hope for nothing but happiness for you. Love you mom Happy Birthday"

I am so sorry you have to wait to see your younger son. I know that is the only thing keeping your flame lit. I wish I could force the calendar or the hands on the clock backwards everyday to have my family again. I've been getting wasted a lot and it's made me a downer and sometimes just downright insensitive and unpleasant so I did not try to keep in touch nor have I taken any of your very sound advice but I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and I sympathize with your struggle. Thank you for your kind words and I truly hope you are rewarded for your compassionate heart in this life and the next. I wish you a happy birthday but I know that's a tall order and that holidays and birthdays are the worst.

 

[Goodbye710]

Happy Birthday!

I'm sorry what has happened to you. I have read your prior posts. I wish there was something I could say to take away the pain. Maybe if you pour all your love, all your heart and soul into your youngest things will feel better.

 

[Silvermorning]

Nothing can replace the love of a son (or a mother), words simply fall short, only time , and a very long one , can start healing superficially, these incurable wounds.


Happy birthday.

 

[Ghost2211]

Happy birthday! I imagine it's a hard day. Do something extra nice yourself today. I hope you get to see your younger son soon.

 

[dropdeadfred]

Happy Birthday. ((Hugs))

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Happy Birthday.

 

[death137]

Hbd and sorry about your son.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

You don't deserve all the pain you've lived through, not with how angelic you are for everyone here, on the sad corner of the internet.
I'll bombard you with hugs! Hug attacks!
You deserved so much better. I firmly believe your older son is waiting for you on the far side, whenever your time comes.

loving the hug attacks. I just want to hug my son. So Lots of hugz needed and appreciated=) I can't wait for my time to come. I fantasize about dying and seeing his smile waiting for me, our reuniting hug I wont let go.

Happy bday by the way! You don't need to explain why you didn't take your sn. You do it when you feel like it and when the time comes don't rush things as you still have a son. I really admire you and you and your other soon will be toguether one day also. In a world without pain or suffering. Today is your day and 49 are the new 29! So you still young! Make each day count! X

thank you so much. hmmm 29 again that sounds great =)

I am so sorry you have to wait to see your younger son. I know that is the only thing keeping your flame lit. I wish I could force the calendar or the hands on the clock backwards everyday to have my family again. I've been getting wasted a lot and it's made me a downer and sometimes just downright insensitive and unpleasant so I did not try to keep in touch nor have I taken any of your very sound advice but I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and I sympathize with your struggle. Thank you for your kind words and I truly hope you are rewarded for your compassionate heart in this life and the next. I wish you a happy birthday but I know that's a tall order and that holidays and birthdays are the worst.

thank you my friend- I'm going to message you shortly. Maybe we can talk more about advice. You are also in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry about your daughter and your ex. Yes there are dated that really hurt- holidays, my birthday included, Joeys birthday and his day he moved out to heaven
thank you everyone- and for all the hugs that folks did the emoji guy thingy. Hugs are exactly what I need. I truly appreciate it.

 

[fred farkle]

Take some comfort in the fact that you are a fantastic mother! My sympathy for your sons tragic crash. You gave him life and happiness.