I've been in another spiral for the last few days. It's always the fucking same, I didn't want to care about "that", I never wanted it to be so important to my life, I never wanted it to define me, but I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm not allowed to exist. Every last subhuman with my worthless subhuman parasitic disease, leeching on honest people, must be killed. I must die. I'm not allowed any mercy, I'm not allowed to live, I'm only allowed to be executed for my abhorrent existence. Even a murderer can have a good reason for what they did, but I can't. I'm even lower than a murderer or a rapist for what I am. For what I am, I must die. I must die. I must die. If I could go back in time, I would beat my younger self into dying, because that's what I deserve for being this way. Everyone wants me gone. Everyone wants me to finally end it. Everyone thinks the same way: I MUST DIE! I MUST BE KILLED! I AM NOT ALLOWED LIFE! I AM NOT ALLOWED ESCAPE! I AM ONLY ALLOWED DEATH! Only when every last subhuman like me is dead can people finally live in happiness. Only when my scourge has been rooted out from this world can people finally go on with their lives. It's a battle for the very core of humanity, that can only end with my death and the death of everyone that's like me. Every last person knows this fact and wishes for the downfall of everyone like me to happen. I must die. I must finally die. If I don't die, I am a selfish disgusting worthless parasite, feeding on all humans. One day people will finally realize everyone thinks like this and will finally end my existence. I must die. I must die.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
I'm "subhuman" too but they didn't even make VAD legal for my condition (ASD) so...I guess they want us to live and suffer
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,183
I can't relate to this as you speak about death as some sort of punishment for who you are. However, I don't see death as a punishment as it's a release from suffering and pain. Nonetheless, I hope that you find peace and I wish you the best of luck
Old Friend
Sleep well, Airstrip One.
- Sep 24, 2023
- 478
I feel like a ghost. Ghosts are technically dead already though.
If that's the case, then subhumans like me should be forcefully kept alive for eternity and made to be tortured, just for being such reprehensible trash upon humanity. But what matters mostly is that people want me gone and to stop polluting the world by being alive. I want to stay fucking alive, I want to do all these fucking things, but everyone wants me gone. Everyone wants me dead. So what should I even fucking do anymore? If I die, then that's supposedly paradise and perfect and I'm not supposed to think differently and I'm not supposed to think I want to live. But if I am alive, everyone wants me nowhere and they want me dead, so I have to. I'm damned one way or another fucking way. All that matters is people want me nowhere, so the best solution is to put me somewhere in a submarine on the ocean floor and just keep me there for eternity and make sure I will never feel a moment removed from torture ever again. Cause all people want from me is to be gone forever and all I deserve is eternal pain for being a disgusting subhuman.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 3,643
I kind of relate. The relationships I have with those around me are paraisitic. I'm a complete burden to those around me and I have only managed to hurt others and make their lives more difficult which is a large part of why I want to ctb. I also sometimes think about beating my younger self too. I'm a complete joke to our species and my existence feels like something that was the result of a horrible accident made by the universe.
