Help Stupidity and friendship

[turstehers]

Hello,

I have been thinking about something over the last few days. I can't make friendships, partnerships (although I don't actively try this, at all), or acquaintances and I don't know the reason why. I wonder if I am or perceived as simply too stupid, so that other people don't consider me as a possible social contact.

I definitely know I am perceived as stupid. My parents always called or identified me as dumb and others who openly spoke about it, most often, did too. At one place something happened that caused people to stop thinking I was stupid and their attitudes toward me changed drastically and they became much more social with me.

Do people really avoid someone they perceive as far below their own intelligence? Is that a thing?

This isn't supposed to be a rant but an honest question. I'm not going to judge anyone who answers. But it would probably be quite helpful.

Thank you for answers

 

[LastNite]

Low intelligence and proud of it? Yes
Low intelligence, but is open to criticism and learning? No

 

[Muktar]

This depends on what their face looks like.

 

[apearl]

(I mention friendships specifically cuz op mentions it)
Personally, I don't really view people this way at all.

To me, intelligence isn't just about IQ or being good at a particular kind of thinking. People can be smart in so many different ways, and I think it's pretty reductive to write someone off as "stupid" when you have no idea what they might excel at.

Whether I'd be friends with someone has much more to do with whether we enjoy eachothers company. Their strengths or weaknesses in certain mental abilities just aren't something I consider befriending someone.

 

[MissAbyss]

It depends on what both sides expect from the friendship, but it's certainly possible.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree with apearl- I think a lot of different factors make up how we present. Not only intellectual intelligence but emotional intelligence, empathy, interest in things.

As such, we're all going to have people we find it easier to talk and relate to than others and vice versa. If we are genuinely interested in what we are discussing for one. If we are mutually invested enough in one another's lives too- it's going to be easier to get on.

Funnily enough, I'd say a lot of people I have been friends with were smarter than me. Not sure how I made up for that really. I was fairly good at listening to problems I suppose. I'm reasonably emotionally intelligent I think. I would take notice of their moods. There've been so many times I've humiliated myself in terms of lack of knowledge though! But then- friends usually forgive that kind of thing.

It probably depends on the other person though- what they're looking for. If they want lively debate over politics or something, they probably would be looking for someone well informed and clever. You don't need that to play frisby though. Or, talk about media. I've tended to find a shared strong interest created the best friendships personally. Plus, a need for each other. Most of my better friends were also struggling in life.