Discussion Stupid

[GBN1002]

I have tried everything I have the courage or ability to try and nothing is working, so I have decided on a different way.
I know this is stupid and probably a very long process but would like other people's opinions. Since I have been unable to directly CBT, I have been trying to make it so it's not DIRECTLY my choice. I have been inhaling smoke mostly, plastic smoke, cardboard smoke and polystyrene smoke. Lighting it under my nose, blowing the fire out then directly breathing it in. I don't know how dangerous this is, but I know it can't be good for me. I am also a smoker and have been smoking over 25 a day. As well as eating bad foods and drinking bad drinks.

This is mainly focused on the toxic smoke. I would like honest opinions and anything else I can do which could potentially kill me within a few months or so. If I was to get cancer from doing this or something I would simply refuse treatment then I can look forward to passing. Honest opinions please, I know it's stupid so feel free to point that out


**Edit** I have a living will that stops any life saving treatment should I not be in a position to accept treatment, even if this results in my death

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm not going to give you any ideas about what else could potentially kill you. I suspect most anything burned is toxic to some degree. But, what I will say is that this method you have chosen, if it can be called that, isn't too well thought out, IMO. It will likely lead to much suffering FIRST for you to endure long before other complications set in that actually kill you. For me, I want a peaceful death. I don't want to have to suffer for years and years with one ailment after another until something eventually does me in. Maybe that's not you. I don't know. I figure I've done enough suffering in life, so I deserve a peaceful, and relatively easy, and quick way out when it's time.

Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear.

 

[GBN1002]

I'm not going to give you any ideas about what else could potentially kill you. I suspect most anything burned is toxic to some degree. But, what I will say is that this method you have chosen, if it can be called that, isn't too well thought out, IMO. It will likely lead to much suffering FIRST for you to endure long before other complications set in that actually kill you. For me, I want a peaceful death. I don't want to have to suffer for years and years with one ailment after another until something eventually does me in. Maybe that's not you. I don't know. I figure I've done enough suffering in life, so I deserve a peaceful, and relatively easy, and quick way out when it's time.

Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear.

No I appreciate your opinion. For me I don't really care about suffering if I know I'm going to get the result I want. My SI is too strong to jump or hang or anything like that. If I was to get a something life threatening such as cancer, sepsis or organ failure, even if that is painful or dragged out, my SI can't stop that. I have the will power to refuse treatment, and also I feel like if I knew I was going to die in say 2 months, that they would be the best 2 months of my life. Not much matters when you know you are going to die. I just want to get to a point of no return, where the damage is done and there is nothing my SI can do to stop it

 

[Worndown]

Most "indirect" methods will just make you sick. Sometimes a debilitating illness. You get to live but in worse condition then you are now.

 

[GBN1002]

Most "indirect" methods will just make you sick. Sometimes a debilitating illness. You get to live but in worse condition then you are now.

Tbh there is no worse condition than now. Bottom line of it is my girlfriend died. I believe in an afterlife and just want to be back with her but SI is a bitch. I don't want to die out of sadness or a bad life, I just want to be with her. What I'm doing is stupid I know, but I don't know how inhaling burning plastic fumes multiple times per day for however long isn't going to cause some sort of life threatening illness. It don't even hurt to do. My perfect outcome is for a doctor to tell me I have cancer or whatever and have 6 or so months to live without treatment. That gives my family time to get their head around it, gives me time to prepare for when I'm gone and the pain won't be nothing next to the thought I get to be with my girlfriend again

 

[Worndown]

The problem is you do not know if any illness is actually life threatening. We only know it will be bad for you.

 

[GBN1002]

The problem is you do not know if any illness is actually life threatening. We only know it will be bad for you.

Yeah that's a fair point, but we know too much of anything will kill you. I don't see how inhaling the smoke of 10-30g worth of plastic can eventually do anything other than kill me. I've been doing this for 3 days now slowly doing more and more each day and my breathing is already weezy. I also work around dangerous fumes and dust with no mask, so I'd say a good 17-19 hours a day I'm breathing in pure shit.
As I've said I know this isn't a fast or painless method, but my idea is to get to a point where survival instinct doesn't matter anymore. I've made the decision that I'm not going to be alive for more than another year, so I have a while to see how well this works, if months go by and I still seem fine, I have a nice train track outside my house. But that would be shit for me, my family and whoever is driving the train

 

[Worndown]

It all comes down to that famous line from Dirty Harry...do you feel lucky.
If you are not lucky, you just add whatever damage you take to your current situation. Sadly, things can almost always get worse.

Please use caution when trying any method. Messing it up can only make life more difficult than it is now.

 

[Lifeaballache]

If burning plastic gave us instant cancer everyone would be dead considering what we breathe everyday in this atmosphere.

 

[Hope:-)]

To be honest some of this stuff is becoming my lifestyle, not as a means to die but out of difficult to cope with feelings of sadness, betrayal etc. The smoke I wouldn't know about but some people die by inches when they have cancer. That's not something I would personally want.