lawlietsph
can we be done here
- May 6, 2023
- 120
TW: death of an animal
Please let me share this story. It happened 3 days ago but I can't recover from this. It made me 1000000x more suicidal.
So the story starts with my dear cat, who went missing on the first days of september. I've looked for her everywhere in the pouring rain, all day everyday, but I couldn't find her. I've put posters up all around the area. I can't tell you the mental torture I've went through. Blaming myself, my ocd being triggered - having thoughts about someone abusing her, etc....... It was pure hell. Then, 2 weeks ago I've met with the mailman (well, woman, sorry english is not my first language), so the woman told me "yeah btw there's a cat exactly like yours laying on the xy road, she was run over a month ago"
My heart stopped for a second. I got so angry because she didn't tell me earlier, but at that moment I didn't care enough. I ran to the place she was talking about and sure enough there was a body of a cat - who was totally unrecognizable. I couldn't tell, no matter how hard I've tried. At first I've said to myself "nooo, this is not my cat. no way" so I left the body there.
But after crying for the next 2 days straight, I realized that I won't have any peace until I bury that little body, no matter if it's my cat or not. So that's what I did. I woke up the next day, went there again, quickly picked up the small remains, bought it home and buried it. I've felt somewhat more at peace.
That is until this monday, and this is where the story really begins.
I've walked home, and I walked past a bus stop where one of the missing cat posters was still hanging. I've noticed a bunch of teenagers, maybe like 16-17 year old maximum, and they were loud and really "brave", you know... I've walked past them, and I forgot about them completely. I got home 3 minutes later and as soon as I took down my shoes, I got a call. It was a private number. Normally I never pick up calls like that, but I've picked up this time. I shouldn't have.
-Hello, are you the one who's looking for this cat?
My heart sank. Omfg, someone found her. She's alive.
-Yes it's me, what is this about???
-I just ran over the cat. Like right now. HAHAHAHHAAAHAH
-...
-No, seriously, we run over it, well my father did, right dad? HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHA
-...
-Yes hello, I am the father. Yeah we killed the cat, she's dead. it's organs splashed everywhere. Dead. No more. I killed it. the cat is dead HAHAAHHAHAHAHA
-...do you think this is funny?
And then they hung up. I can't really translate it to english, but they were making details about how they killed my cat. They were laughing the whole entire time. At that moment I KNEW these fucking nobodies are the same teenagers I just saw in the bus stop.
I don't know what happened to me, but the first thing I did was I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I was 100000% sure tonight I am going to fucking stab all of them in the head. I was hesitating for a couple minutes, shaking like crazy, but then I decided not to take the knife with me. I grabbed my jacket and run back to that fucking bus stop as fast as I could. Sure enough, they were still there.
I started to scream at them, scream like I never did before in my life. I am autistic, I am terrified of people. I am a little mouse, but this time something snapped. I wanted them fucking dead.
I was still too soft on them. They were trying to lie to me like "no..we..no..we..didn't...no we didn't call... you can..look at my phone...you can..."
But after I've told them to put the fucking phone down or I'll break it, they went completely silent. All of them turned into a small, vulnerable tiny child. They couldn't even look me in the eye, just stared at the ground like the pathetic pieces of shit they are. I was screaming at them for a couple of minutes, everything that came into my mind, but I feel like I was still too soft. They deserve to fucking die in agony.
I started to feel tears running down my face, so I thought it's best if I just stop and go home, and that's what I did. I was shaking and crying like never before, the entire night I was shaking. I was only able to calm down with xanax.
The next day I went back to the bus stop, and the missing cat poster was gone. It was up for 2 months, and suddenly it was gone. They took it down and who knows what they did to it.
It is a small village and we already know who they were, but most likely we can't do anything anyway.
I just want them fucking dead. Maybe I'm overreacting, but they have caused me such pain in my soul, I can't even begin to tell you.
It's been 3 days, and I cannot stop this pain. My ocd is triggered again, I want to die, all I want is to die and kill them in the most brutal way possible.
Why are they even fucking alive? And you know, when things like this happening, I really question everything; Why is it that I am the one who wants to die? If anyone should die, it's fucking them.
I am so sorry, I needed to let this all out. I am heartbroken, speechless, numb, rageful and suicidal at the same time. I'll never ever forget this.
Please let me share this story. It happened 3 days ago but I can't recover from this. It made me 1000000x more suicidal.
So the story starts with my dear cat, who went missing on the first days of september. I've looked for her everywhere in the pouring rain, all day everyday, but I couldn't find her. I've put posters up all around the area. I can't tell you the mental torture I've went through. Blaming myself, my ocd being triggered - having thoughts about someone abusing her, etc....... It was pure hell. Then, 2 weeks ago I've met with the mailman (well, woman, sorry english is not my first language), so the woman told me "yeah btw there's a cat exactly like yours laying on the xy road, she was run over a month ago"
My heart stopped for a second. I got so angry because she didn't tell me earlier, but at that moment I didn't care enough. I ran to the place she was talking about and sure enough there was a body of a cat - who was totally unrecognizable. I couldn't tell, no matter how hard I've tried. At first I've said to myself "nooo, this is not my cat. no way" so I left the body there.
But after crying for the next 2 days straight, I realized that I won't have any peace until I bury that little body, no matter if it's my cat or not. So that's what I did. I woke up the next day, went there again, quickly picked up the small remains, bought it home and buried it. I've felt somewhat more at peace.
That is until this monday, and this is where the story really begins.
I've walked home, and I walked past a bus stop where one of the missing cat posters was still hanging. I've noticed a bunch of teenagers, maybe like 16-17 year old maximum, and they were loud and really "brave", you know... I've walked past them, and I forgot about them completely. I got home 3 minutes later and as soon as I took down my shoes, I got a call. It was a private number. Normally I never pick up calls like that, but I've picked up this time. I shouldn't have.
-Hello, are you the one who's looking for this cat?
My heart sank. Omfg, someone found her. She's alive.
-Yes it's me, what is this about???
-I just ran over the cat. Like right now. HAHAHAHHAAAHAH
-...
-No, seriously, we run over it, well my father did, right dad? HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHA
-...
-Yes hello, I am the father. Yeah we killed the cat, she's dead. it's organs splashed everywhere. Dead. No more. I killed it. the cat is dead HAHAAHHAHAHAHA
-...do you think this is funny?
And then they hung up. I can't really translate it to english, but they were making details about how they killed my cat. They were laughing the whole entire time. At that moment I KNEW these fucking nobodies are the same teenagers I just saw in the bus stop.
I don't know what happened to me, but the first thing I did was I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I was 100000% sure tonight I am going to fucking stab all of them in the head. I was hesitating for a couple minutes, shaking like crazy, but then I decided not to take the knife with me. I grabbed my jacket and run back to that fucking bus stop as fast as I could. Sure enough, they were still there.
I started to scream at them, scream like I never did before in my life. I am autistic, I am terrified of people. I am a little mouse, but this time something snapped. I wanted them fucking dead.
I was still too soft on them. They were trying to lie to me like "no..we..no..we..didn't...no we didn't call... you can..look at my phone...you can..."
But after I've told them to put the fucking phone down or I'll break it, they went completely silent. All of them turned into a small, vulnerable tiny child. They couldn't even look me in the eye, just stared at the ground like the pathetic pieces of shit they are. I was screaming at them for a couple of minutes, everything that came into my mind, but I feel like I was still too soft. They deserve to fucking die in agony.
I started to feel tears running down my face, so I thought it's best if I just stop and go home, and that's what I did. I was shaking and crying like never before, the entire night I was shaking. I was only able to calm down with xanax.
The next day I went back to the bus stop, and the missing cat poster was gone. It was up for 2 months, and suddenly it was gone. They took it down and who knows what they did to it.
It is a small village and we already know who they were, but most likely we can't do anything anyway.
I just want them fucking dead. Maybe I'm overreacting, but they have caused me such pain in my soul, I can't even begin to tell you.
It's been 3 days, and I cannot stop this pain. My ocd is triggered again, I want to die, all I want is to die and kill them in the most brutal way possible.
Why are they even fucking alive? And you know, when things like this happening, I really question everything; Why is it that I am the one who wants to die? If anyone should die, it's fucking them.
I am so sorry, I needed to let this all out. I am heartbroken, speechless, numb, rageful and suicidal at the same time. I'll never ever forget this.
