Venting stuck with no way out.

[cran]

Been lurking all day on the forums and finally made an account.

I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago, excited to start a life in a new state with him.
Now I'm realizing this might be a mistake and I can't get out of it.

I quit my job for him and sold my car (it was a piece of shit anyways) and moved far away from any family to be with him. He didn't want me to get a job, he claimed he would get one and it would cover costs. A year later and he still hasn't gotten a job. He refuses to help me get my state ID so I can actually work in the state, repeating the same "I'll get a job" shit.

Along with many other reasons, I want out of here. Unfortunately, my parents refuse to have me back home unless I put my dog up for adoption (the one thing bringing me happiness lately). My friends in the state can't help me either.

It feels like I'm going insane, honestly. I can't leave, this man has drained me of my finances and now holds it against me that he 'gets me food and lets me live here'. He threatened to kill himself if I leave also.

I've attempted to CTB twice (did I use the term correctly?) as a kid and an adult. I realized it might be due to PMDD, so usually around my cycle I'm like "okay shut up intrusive thoughts"!! This has been going on for months now. I feel like the world pulled some sick prank on me. I was so excited to be an adult and live away from home. Now this just feels like purgatory and I have no way out. My brain tells me to just die because I can't fathom a solution.

Just a dumb vent, sorry.

 

[sugarh1gh]

I am sorry all of that is happening to you. It's really not fair that he is treating you that way and gaslighting you. And also, your family and friend not helping you out.

You did use the term correctly. I hope ctb is a still option to you while you are staying there.
Is there any way that you could leave the house by yourself?

 

[cran]

I am sorry all of that is happening to you. It's really not fair that he is treating you that way and gaslighting you. And also, your family and friend not helping you out.

You did use the term correctly. I hope ctb is a still option to you while you are staying there.
Is there any way that you could leave the house by yourself?

It's a weird feeling. I don't want to leave because I don't want to leave my dog stranded (I don't trust him with animals in general). Then again, if I CTB I will leave her too.
I hope if I do CTB, maybe a family member will keep her as a living memory of me. Who knows. I care too much about my dog lol.

 

[enough of this]

Maybe no way out IS the way out.

 

[cran]

Maybe no way out IS the way out.

perhaps you're right.
my boyfriend is trying to start another fight with me and i'm already in a pretty horrible mindset right now. it's draining me so much. i feel like a punching bag.

 

[sugarh1gh]

It's a weird feeling. I don't want to leave because I don't want to leave my dog stranded (I don't trust him with animals in general). Then again, if I CTB I will leave her too.
I hope if I do CTB, maybe a family member will keep her as a living memory of me. Who knows. I care too much about my dog lol.

I used to stay because of my dog too. I've had her since I was 7, and she passed away last year. Since then, I have been thinking about ctb even more seriously. Dogs can be huge part of our lives.