Venting stuck in the past..

[meowpuppy]

i'm still so stuck in the past, and there's just, nothing for me to do in the real world lol. i feel like some sort of weird transient being, whose only purpose in life is to reminisce on what her life could have been provided different things had happened. this world is simply not meant for me, and i'm tired of trying to be normal to recuperate a past that i once could have had. if only things were different, if only i were in a different school, i could have had a friend group, and maybe i could have came out as trans, or whatever.. it's too much. i don't even know what to do about this feeling, it's not like i can just, talk to somebody, it's already happened, the past has already happened. sometimes i desperately try to claw back on to small pieces of normalcy or the past, but it all crashes down eventually

 

[dragonofenvy]

I feel very similarly. I suffer a lot from identity issues related to being autistic. I feel as though if I hadn't been born with autism that things would've been so much better. If I had been born to different parents, or a different state, or if I had put in more effort in trying to create relationships... it just keeps going and going. I know the past is the past and I need to live in the present and work towards building a future, but it just feels so hard to build something when the past has destroyed the foundation on which to build on.

I don't know what your situation is as I've only seen a few of your posts, but I hope that some day you're about to rebuild your foundation so that you can build a better life on top of it. I will say that talking about & processing my past has helped me greatly in building that foundation piece by piece. It's slow, but it's progress. It's an option for you to consider.