Stuck in middle

[Soontobegoner]

I really want to end. Frankly at some surge of emotion I wouldn't mind the pain it will bring.

My only issue is how to do it.

Suicide is still a taboo and leaves a certain scarring in society for family. In India to survive, reputation is important and suicide will bring the infamy which my family cannot afford. My family has been good to me and has provided whatever is necessary. I cannot bring myself to harm them in my last going efforts.

Funnily I have secured SN and the antimetic medicine but I cannot do at home so I have to go somewhere where I cannot be found... Here lies the issue... India is so fuckin overcrowded that at every inch you would find someone. My only hope is to go some distant city jungle while loosing my identities so I would not be recognized.

Now the thing stopping is my loosing courage, over thinking, logistic and my doubts wether i end up failing with SN.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to suffer in that situation, I understand feeling trapped in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Soontobegoner]

I'm sorry you have to suffer in that situation, I understand feeling trapped in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

Thank you

 

[theboy]

One is not supposed to suffer side effects if you fail with SN. I imagine in India there are many places with few people like jungles or forests but I hope you find peace having hope in life.

 

[Soontobegoner]

One is not supposed to suffer side effects if you fail with SN. I imagine in India there are many places with few people like jungles or forests but I hope you find peace having hope in life.

There would be some side effects if failed... No method is complete. But anyway... Either keep on living in pain or choose pain to end it.

Yea there are few places. I have selected one mentally... Issue come with logistic. Carrying SN box in metro and bus station where they have xray machines also making me nervy. I also wish to carry rope as a back up method and afraid it might raise suspicion.

My tiny brain is overworking everything... Just like always.

I wish my family was horrible than I could just do a hotel or anything that would not require this much running away.

 

[theboy]

finding the right place is difficult. Maybe the box and the rope generates suspicion but nothing will happen if no one is watching you. I hope you find peace without CTB and that your torment is over. Anything PM me :)

 

[Soontobegoner]

finding the right place is difficult. Maybe the box and the rope generates suspicion but nothing will happen if no one is watching you. I hope you find peace without CTB and that your torment is over. Anything PM me :)

Thank you friend. Yea.... This is what I think... Nothing will happen if no one is watching me.

 

[wagner2029]

I really want to end. Frankly at some surge of emotion I wouldn't mind the pain it will bring.

My only issue is how to do it.

Suicide is still a taboo and leaves a certain scarring in society for family. In India to survive, reputation is important and suicide will bring the infamy which my family cannot afford. My family has been good to me and has provided whatever is necessary. I cannot bring myself to harm them in my last going efforts.

Funnily I have secured SN and the antimetic medicine but I cannot do at home so I have to go somewhere where I cannot be found... Here lies the issue... India is so fuckin overcrowded that at every inch you would find someone. My only hope is to go some distant city jungle while loosing my identities so I would not be recognized.

Now the thing stopping is my loosing courage, over thinking, logistic and my doubts wether i end up failing with SN.

Why do you want CTB?

 

[Soontobegoner]

Why do you want CTB?

Had issues from ages.... Now have become so big that are hard to deal with.

I have no idea how to communicate in socially.... Never been able too.

Struggling with severe depression from past 5 years... I addition have bpd, ocd, add.

Been jobless from past 5 years and seems now I would not able to hold job.

I have Intense dislike for the world and what it stand for. I have no interest in anything. Feels like I am just tired of everything. I lost... I accept my defeat... Now i want my exit.

Just couple of issues on the top of my head.

 

[BrainShower]

There are x-ray machines at the bus station???
Good lord, that's ridiculous.
Hope you find a peaceful solution to your problems.

 

[Soontobegoner]

There are x-ray machines at the bus station???
Good lord, that's ridiculous.
Hope you find a peaceful solution to your problems.

Not for within the city but for inter state... Yes... One has to go through xrays... Not to mention every metro station have it.

 

[wagner2029]

One possibility would be propranolol 80 mg, 120 tablets, turn it into a small powder, take it at home before going to sleep, death by cardiac arrest, it will look like a natural death.