Help Stuck in between

[Endofit]

Hello.

I see a lot of members writing this sentence a lot to answer to some : "If you really want to ctb, you will find a way".

Well i'm stuck in between two states of mind. One part of me is doing things like a robot, survive by going to the job I hate, eating and going to bed. The other part really wants to die. I think I found a good source for SN and will order this week.

To every one who already tried : were you in such position where you really want to do it, but a part of you still go by life. Is it my SI here ? Am I not ready ? I really want to do it but i also feel guilty to be leaving friends and family this way, maybe that has something to do with it. Idk i'm stuck in between the two states and kind of feeling that I dont go forward in any direction.

 

[imdepressed999]

I know how you feel, most people i will say are stuck. Its really painful being stuck too because you are feeling so much pain you want to die, but not enough to bring yourself to do it. For me right now, I HAVE TO CTB. I do not have a choice, if i do not ill be out on the street and i am too weak for that. Also, research about NDEs which are Near death experiences. It will bring down your fear of death if you have one. this is the site i use, https://www.nderf.org/

 

[brokeandbroken]

Hello.

I see a lot of members writing this sentence a lot to answer to some : "If you really want to ctb, you will find a way".

Well i'm stuck in between two states of mind. One part of me is doing things like a robot, survive by going to the job I hate, eating and going to bed. The other part really wants to die. I think I found a good source for SN and will order this week.

To every one who already tried : were you in such position where you really want to do it, but a part of you still go by life. Is it my SI here ? Am I not ready ? I really want to do it but i also feel guilty to be leaving friends and family this way, maybe that has something to do with it. Idk i'm stuck in between the two states and kind of feeling that I dont go forward in any direction.

For me death/CTBing is a way for me to escape pain and go to heaven. I don't want to die. I want to turn over all the salient stones as I think I owe it to myself. Ultimately, I am essentially keeping a foot in both life and death. Waiting to see if someone will help or if I am just a piece of shit who should have died a long time ago. So far all signals point to the latter.

 

[imdepressed999]

For me death/CTBing is a way for me to escape pain and go to heaven. I don't want to die. I want to turn over all the salient stones as I think I owe it to myself. Ultimately, I am essentially keeping a foot in both life and death. Waiting to see if someone will help or if I am just a piece of shit who should have died a long time ago. So far all signals point to the latter.

I feel the same way, I do believe in a spirit world, because everything is energy and that is plain science,

 

[Endofit]

For me death/CTBing is a way for me to escape pain and go to heaven. I don't want to die. I want to turn over all the salient stones as I think I owe it to myself. Ultimately, I am essentially keeping a foot in both life and death. Waiting to see if someone will help or if I am just a piece of shit who should have died a long time ago. So far all signals point to the latter.

Yes I totally get the foot in both life and death. And my experience points the same direction. I am thinkin that maybe with going through by ordering the "stuff" will get me to go this direction. Idk

 

[brokeandbroken]

I feel the same way, I do believe in a spirit world, because everything is energy and that is plain science,

Like I said I know I'll go to heaven when I die. That said I think God truly hates me.

Yes I totally get the foot in both life and death. And my experience points the same direction. I am thinkin that maybe with going through by ordering the "stuff" will get me to go this direction. Idk

To be honest I think I will just hang myself.

 

[Endofit]

I know how you feel, most people i will say are stuck. Its really painful being stuck too because you are feeling so much pain you want to die, but not enough to bring yourself to do it. For me right now, I HAVE TO CTB. I do not have a choice, if i do not ill be out on the street and i am too weak for that. Also, research about NDEs which are Near death experiences. It will bring down your fear of death if you have one. this is the site i use, https://www.nderf.org/

Thank you for the link. I too have had watched some stuff about NDEs and afterlife. But im often skeptical. Also I totally get the "Streets or death" choice. Im kind of in the same situation..

I feel the same way, I do believe in a spirit world, because everything is energy and that is plain science,

Maybe I do believe in the soul going some other place, to some bigger energy. But probably with no consciousness of it.

Like I said I know I'll go to heaven when I die. That said I think God truly hates me.

To be honest I think I will just hang myself.

I bought a rope but can't get over the violence of it. How do you cope with such a method ?