Venting Stuck and can't see a way out

[HowlerFlamingpaws]

I feel so hopeless in my life. I'm working on my undergrad at 37, and I feel like I have very little in the way of prospects. I live with my romantic partner who, I've the last two years, has become someone who either constantly criticizes me, or constantly trauma-dumps on me, including spending at least an hour every day talking about her ex who she wishes she could talk to again. We had these conversations on her birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas (and every day in between as well). I've told her how much it hurts and she just keeps talking about how much she loved him and how she wishes she could sort things out with him. I'd leave, but I'm completely financially dependent on her, and she takes up so much of my time that I cannot even begin to look for a job, nor do I have a car to get to said job even if I found something. Life seems so pointless and I dream of just... Never living again. I don't want to keep going on. I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly trying my best and hardest, and for every time to fail. I'm done with hope. I just want it all to stop. I can't stand this world anymore.

 

[new2blue]

I am sorry this is happening to you. Our life partner is meant to be someone that builds us up, and challenges us in healthy ways to grow. I am also in my 30's, a university drop out, and do not even have a license. I am terrified of driving, and so I have to rely on others a lot. When you get older, the pressure increases. We feel obligated to succeed, to be wealthy and powerful and dependable. The sad thing is, we never do this for ourselves. We do it because friendship and love is often conditional. It's what we can provide, and if we fail to meet expectations, are looked down on as lazy, trash, and worthless.

I bet you have good qualities, it's obvious this person can not see them. I hope you can find peace, whatever that means for you. You deserved better. We all did.

 

[CompletedLife]

If you can't get a job try to find a way to make money online. Save enough money to move out. Then break up with her. Once you move out you then need to find a job. If living expenses are too much, try to find a roommate

 

[HowlerFlamingpaws]

If you can't get a job try to find a way to make money online. Save enough money to move out. Then break up with her. Once you move out you then need to find a job. If living expenses are too much, try to find a roommate

I've been trying, but I barely get an hour or two to myself, otherwise my partner monopolizes my time. Even when I tell her I need time to myself for school, she keeps interrupting me. Her mental health is terrible, just like mine, and we can't afford help (no therapists even have openings for months), and just everything feels pointless. Why struggle when there's just one setback after another with no end in sight?

I am sorry this is happening to you. Our life partner is meant to be someone that builds us up, and challenges us in healthy ways to grow. I am also in my 30's, a university drop out, and do not even have a license. I am terrified of driving, and so I have to rely on others a lot. When you get older, the pressure increases. We feel obligated to succeed, to be wealthy and powerful and dependable. The sad thing is, we never do this for ourselves. We do it because friendship and love is often conditional. It's what we can provide, and if we fail to meet expectations, are looked down on as lazy, trash, and worthless.

I bet you have good qualities, it's obvious this person can not see them. I hope you can find peace, whatever that means for you. You deserved better. We all did.

I'm terrified of driving, too. The apartment feels like a prison. Life doesn't feel worth living, and I can't even get more than an hour or two to myself before I'm at her beck and call again. She doesn't help out around the house because "I pay for everything", and she doesn't even get up from her computer to get her own tea or food. I feel like a manservant who just gets criticized all day.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd wish to be gone, it must be tiring and dreadful what you are going through. But anyway best wishes.