Discussion Structuring your notes... What are you considering?

[QuietEnd]

As you consider the people who need to be notified and left behind, I'm considering what I could include in the notes... The last words I get to say to people and I don't know what I should consider. I'd really like your thoughts and ideas for the potential

1. I have a partner who I love dearly

2. My company - they are the reason I've finally broken so part of me wants to express how the work place bullying by a senior leader has led to this being the only decision for me, and the other part doesn't want for my partner to have any problems and I'm expecting them to provide a death in service payment (as per usual policy the company are the decision makers on this being provided so no matter how devastated I feel, I'm concerned on the risk of pissing them off).

3. A carer - my partner and I have a carer who's helped us for several years. She's the closest I have to a family. I don't think she'll approve of my choice.

4. I have no friends

5. Family, I went no contact with the last of my family that had occasionally spoken with me (mainly to ask favours) at the beginning of January so there's nothing to say to them. They are explicitly excluded from my will and I don't expect them to know. I don't want my partner to have issues raised by them, so wondering if I leave a note in case they raise an issue.

Any advice or thoughts would be deeply appreciated. I struggle to express myself well when it comes to emotional topics or how people react as I'm both autistic and have BPD.

 

[keitaro]

that's nice that you want to leave notes for people~

 

[Euthanza]

Check this

Thread 'Preparation for the suicide investigation' https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/preparation-for-the-suicide-investigation.94852/

 

[QuietEnd]

Thanks @euthanza I don't think you realised that's my other post on another aspect of my preparations.

 

[Euthanza]

Thanks @euthanza I don't think you realised that's my other post on another aspect of my preparations.

Yes, different person may have different approach on things; although have similarities about a partner and company

 

[Underneath]

I am currently going through a similar thought process with my own notes and feelings.
Here's my take on it, I hope it helps you in some way:

I live in the UK, suicide is ridiculously taboo. This means that I cannot share intimate/final thoughts with the few people I do love. In my mind, I need to write something that gets across how much I love them and how much I hate being unable to say a proper goodbye.

My notes to the healthcare professionals most likely to be involved in any coroner investigation are going to probably be very lengthy lol.
For me, personally, I see no reason leaving snide/rude/hate-filled remarks to the people who "could have been much more helpful" [understatement to the extreme]. I want my death to force change, a letter full of expletives isn't going to do that. To have the best hope of it being used constructively it needs to show specific things (in my case).

TL:DR: What you write is 100% up to you, but for me, I want my last moments on this planet to be ones where I feel at peace, I don't want to go full of anger and hatred. I'm not religious, I don't expect to go anywhere when I ctb, I just want my last moments to be calm and peaceful (and not just calm because I'm full of N).

Hope this helps you with your thoughts and notes.

 

[ghqkiiia2]

As you consider the people who need to be notified and left behind, I'm considering what I could include in the notes... The last words I get to say to people and I don't know what I should consider. I'd really like your thoughts and ideas for the potential

1. I have a partner who I love dearly

Maybe try to share some happy moments you both shared, telling your partner things would have been much worse without him/her, minimize the chance of self-blaming.

2. My company - they are the reason I've finally broken so part of me wants to express how the work place bullying by a senior leader has led to this being the only decision for me, and the other part doesn't want for my partner to have any problems and I'm expecting them to provide a death in service payment (as per usual policy the company are the decision makers on this being provided so no matter how devastated I feel, I'm concerned on the risk of pissing them off).

3. A carer - my partner and I have a carer who's helped us for several years. She's the closest I have to a family. I don't think she'll approve of my choice.

Even she probably won't approve your choice, you can still show some gratitude. One of my therapist told me that even professionals sometimes bother by the fact they didn't do more to help, since that it seems you appreciate her work, just share your appreciation with her?

4. I have no friends

5. Family, I went no contact with the last of my family that had occasionally spoken with me (mainly to ask favours) at the beginning of January so there's nothing to say to them. They are explicitly excluded from my will and I don't expect them to know. I don't want my partner to have issues raised by them, so wondering if I leave a note in case they raise an issue.

I am not sure your financial situation, but in many countries, a certified sealed will would cost 30-100 US dollars, if the price is affordable for you, this will greatly reduce the chance of your family raising problems.

Any advice or thoughts would be deeply appreciated. I struggle to express myself well when it comes to emotional topics or how people react as I'm both autistic and have BPD.

Just some thoughts, wish you well and good luck.

 

[Euthanza]

Thanks @euthanza I don't think you realised that's my other post on another aspect of my preparations.

Oh wait, it's the same person, my mistake, I'm sorry

 

[QuietEnd]

Not a problem - it felt lovely to.know you thought my other post was informative or helpful enough to recommend to others

 

[MementoMori81]

I am currently going through a similar thought process with my own notes and feelings.
Here's my take on it, I hope it helps you in some way:

I live in the UK, suicide is ridiculously taboo. This means that I cannot share intimate/final thoughts with the few people I do love. In my mind, I need to write something that gets across how much I love them and how much I hate being unable to say a proper goodbye.

My notes to the healthcare professionals most likely to be involved in any coroner investigation are going to probably be very lengthy lol.
For me, personally, I see no reason leaving snide/rude/hate-filled remarks to the people who "could have been much more helpful" [understatement to the extreme]. I want my death to force change, a letter full of expletives isn't going to do that. To have the best hope of it being used constructively it needs to show specific things (in my case).

TL:DR: What you write is 100% up to you, but for me, I want my last moments on this planet to be ones where I feel at peace, I don't want to go full of anger and hatred. I'm not religious, I don't expect to go anywhere when I ctb, I just want my last moments to be calm and peaceful (and not just calm because I'm full of N).

Hope this helps you with your thoughts and notes.

I feel this. I'm the UK myself, and it's that subject that gets brushed under the carpet; you want to empty a room quickly, bring up suicide (Side-note: that's a massive part of the effing problem).

I also agree that your last words should hopefully be ones where you're comfortable with your final step, to be at peace and to translate those you care about who remain, and help them understand that, far from being a bad thing, this is a humane outcome for you as an individual. Of course they'll still hurt, but at least they'll understand the "why".