BabyYoda
F*ck this sh!t I'm out
- Dec 30, 2019
- 552
I've posted in several threads about this certain friend that I have whom I stopped getting help from. Here I'll be posting the whole story of what happened between us. For the sake of this post, I'll call him by "B".
I met B along with another friend (let's call her "C") during an organization meeting in my college. B was really friendly and welcoming to us, and he seemed like the person who could talk about anything under the sun. I saw this when C was discussing her issues with her course and family to us when we were getting to know each other. We were really fast in befriending each other that time. Organization meetings weren't the only time when we got to see each other. B would be the first one to say hi to me when we bump into each other on some mornings when I would head to the library. Then, since I was more sociable during that time, I would happily keep a conversation with him until either of us has to go to class. The things we discussed were nothing really serious, like games, organization stuff, and school life. It didn't take much time to know that his goal was to help people deal with emotional/mental problems. I saw him as trustworthy.
Then my major problem for the semester (which I won't really elaborate in this post) became heavier for me, and I knew that I had to seek help before it was too late. First I brought up the topic of being fated to never finding true love. He didn't really agree with my idea, but he didn't come across as disrespectful. Then I felt it was safe to bring up the details. I brought up my suicidal thoughts as well. He was like "by the way you say things, it seems that you're getting serious about it". After that he went on to the recovery part. He asked me if I had people to possibly connect with, goals to accomplish for myself, and some hobbies that I enjoyed. Yes, yes, yes, I have all of those even before and during my problem. We discussed some things in a philosophical way but it seemed like I had to submit to his ideas just to get things done.
One time when my suicidal thoughts were beyond bearable I forced myself to walk to the library and I sat acting dead on the couches. I decided to message him about this, and that I was at the library. He arrived to where I was and then that was when I made a big mistake of telling him. He told me that I should go to the guidance office, and I said that I didn't feel like it. But he insisted, saying that "I shouldn't keep feeling sad". So to shut him up I dragged myself along with him to the GC office. I did go there before and there was nothing wrong with it, but it wasn't just the right time for me to talk to anybody else. I would've preferred if he reminded me verbally multiple times instead of setting up this trap.
I had some "conflict" with the person involved in my problem and I told B about it. His response? "You don't owe anyone empathy". I remember him having a conversation about it like this:
Me: But people with little empathy don't get hurt
B: Do you want to be like them?
Then I brought up the thing about accepting one's fate of never finding love. That was when it started to turn. I felt that he was upset already, even though he claimed that he was not. He called me pathetic and stupid for believing such stuff, which I never expected from him at all. I was also called out for being too self-pitying. He began to interrogate me with questions like "Do you want me to leave?" and he put the blame on me, saying that he was tired of being patient with me when I wasn't making any progress. After that he asked AGAIN about the things I had in life which made me happy, that had NOTHING to do with the main problem. To shut him up I listed them one by one, still feeling guilty about what he said. Right after that I stopped asking him for help.
Short after joining this forum I realized how soul crushing that incident with him was. B was an open, kind-hearted guy who made a 180 degree turn when I was too much. I couldn't even tell what's worse: the main problem, or the fact that I reached out for help and then this is how I get treated. I saw no red flags at all from B, and he was one of the very few people whom I could discuss about this explicitly in real life.
I met B along with another friend (let's call her "C") during an organization meeting in my college. B was really friendly and welcoming to us, and he seemed like the person who could talk about anything under the sun. I saw this when C was discussing her issues with her course and family to us when we were getting to know each other. We were really fast in befriending each other that time. Organization meetings weren't the only time when we got to see each other. B would be the first one to say hi to me when we bump into each other on some mornings when I would head to the library. Then, since I was more sociable during that time, I would happily keep a conversation with him until either of us has to go to class. The things we discussed were nothing really serious, like games, organization stuff, and school life. It didn't take much time to know that his goal was to help people deal with emotional/mental problems. I saw him as trustworthy.
Then my major problem for the semester (which I won't really elaborate in this post) became heavier for me, and I knew that I had to seek help before it was too late. First I brought up the topic of being fated to never finding true love. He didn't really agree with my idea, but he didn't come across as disrespectful. Then I felt it was safe to bring up the details. I brought up my suicidal thoughts as well. He was like "by the way you say things, it seems that you're getting serious about it". After that he went on to the recovery part. He asked me if I had people to possibly connect with, goals to accomplish for myself, and some hobbies that I enjoyed. Yes, yes, yes, I have all of those even before and during my problem. We discussed some things in a philosophical way but it seemed like I had to submit to his ideas just to get things done.
One time when my suicidal thoughts were beyond bearable I forced myself to walk to the library and I sat acting dead on the couches. I decided to message him about this, and that I was at the library. He arrived to where I was and then that was when I made a big mistake of telling him. He told me that I should go to the guidance office, and I said that I didn't feel like it. But he insisted, saying that "I shouldn't keep feeling sad". So to shut him up I dragged myself along with him to the GC office. I did go there before and there was nothing wrong with it, but it wasn't just the right time for me to talk to anybody else. I would've preferred if he reminded me verbally multiple times instead of setting up this trap.
I had some "conflict" with the person involved in my problem and I told B about it. His response? "You don't owe anyone empathy". I remember him having a conversation about it like this:
Me: But people with little empathy don't get hurt
B: Do you want to be like them?
Then I brought up the thing about accepting one's fate of never finding love. That was when it started to turn. I felt that he was upset already, even though he claimed that he was not. He called me pathetic and stupid for believing such stuff, which I never expected from him at all. I was also called out for being too self-pitying. He began to interrogate me with questions like "Do you want me to leave?" and he put the blame on me, saying that he was tired of being patient with me when I wasn't making any progress. After that he asked AGAIN about the things I had in life which made me happy, that had NOTHING to do with the main problem. To shut him up I listed them one by one, still feeling guilty about what he said. Right after that I stopped asking him for help.
Short after joining this forum I realized how soul crushing that incident with him was. B was an open, kind-hearted guy who made a 180 degree turn when I was too much. I couldn't even tell what's worse: the main problem, or the fact that I reached out for help and then this is how I get treated. I saw no red flags at all from B, and he was one of the very few people whom I could discuss about this explicitly in real life.
