skybroke
New Member
- Nov 5, 2023
- 2
FYI I lied on how old I am, this is going to be my first post on SS, and this site is possibly one of the most realist site I have found,
About me, I'm a 19 year old Canadian that was interested in doing the funny, by the age of 13 I was exposed to 4chan, originally I was using for hentai/porn/memes and looking for friends to invite to my discord TST, but went on /gif/, introduced by my friend Red, he was also the same age as me, basically me and him did everything thing together, and I mean ANYTHING, But he sent a link to a thread, a REKT thread, I got the early taste of being Numb to the feelings to others, We were hooked, mostly because I and red shared a bond of being Frontier Runners that would lead others into Battle of Friendship, I happen to be edgy I made people curious about me by exposing what people usually think but never talk about,
Me and him ran a server for 3 years straight the server max person count was 7.3k members, no rules no thing only people that were using the wolf pack method (read the book 7/10),
Fast Forward a couple of years into the future, after my ex girlfriend breaks up with me to date my ex best friend at the time, I fall into a depression that has been eating my Soul for a year before that incident, due to alcohol addiction and shroom growing, I moved back into the house of my single parent father, and my 2 cats, I gain 2 new addictions in that time frame, smoking weed, alcohol, and self harming by my own fists,
The side of my head, torso, thighs, the top of my feet, are bruised,
A little bit of time after that happens for awhile I get better at meditation, reading self improvement book, self reflection,
BUT the one thing I realized my brain can't handle the information and collapses on it self like a never ending, never closing Rubiks cube
That processes everything and nothing,
In short all the techniques all the advice, the people that were cheering me on,
Were for nothing, I would always revert into the voice in the void of everything,
ANOTHER story about me going to UNI, this is my very first time and I moved to another city close to my sisters in bigger city 1 hour away, me and my father 2 months in, me knowing no one in and a extreme introvert due to internet addiction, about this time I start getting clean from the other drugs, and the only thing that's creeping up on me is intrusive thoughts,
Grabbing a brand new razer, swerving into oncoming traffic, kitchen knife straight into my gut, using the rifle, jumping into the river,
I finally had enough, I've been escaping into Vrchat, to get away from my own thoughts, but me being me always attracting the outcasts, meeting this one person that abuses DXM, and I enable him into doing SH, I stop,
No more running from my own thoughts, I call up my father and tell him me and him have to have a talk, he comes home I make him sit down to tell him, it was the most hardest thing I had to tell someone, I have been thinking of killing myself for years,
He has no words, in denial I suppose, we end up going to my sisters one hour away, me and her have a talk about the same thing,
She's a student counsellor, I could see her eyes go from lighting up with shine and glint into,
Dark, empty, 1000 mile stare,
She remains having a character, because she's been through this before, but I could obviously tell never with a family member,
I lay in her bed writing this, she's gone to another city to have a meeting, the pressure I must have put on her.
I'm so sorry.
About me, I'm a 19 year old Canadian that was interested in doing the funny, by the age of 13 I was exposed to 4chan, originally I was using for hentai/porn/memes and looking for friends to invite to my discord TST, but went on /gif/, introduced by my friend Red, he was also the same age as me, basically me and him did everything thing together, and I mean ANYTHING, But he sent a link to a thread, a REKT thread, I got the early taste of being Numb to the feelings to others, We were hooked, mostly because I and red shared a bond of being Frontier Runners that would lead others into Battle of Friendship, I happen to be edgy I made people curious about me by exposing what people usually think but never talk about,
Me and him ran a server for 3 years straight the server max person count was 7.3k members, no rules no thing only people that were using the wolf pack method (read the book 7/10),
Fast Forward a couple of years into the future, after my ex girlfriend breaks up with me to date my ex best friend at the time, I fall into a depression that has been eating my Soul for a year before that incident, due to alcohol addiction and shroom growing, I moved back into the house of my single parent father, and my 2 cats, I gain 2 new addictions in that time frame, smoking weed, alcohol, and self harming by my own fists,
The side of my head, torso, thighs, the top of my feet, are bruised,
A little bit of time after that happens for awhile I get better at meditation, reading self improvement book, self reflection,
BUT the one thing I realized my brain can't handle the information and collapses on it self like a never ending, never closing Rubiks cube
That processes everything and nothing,
In short all the techniques all the advice, the people that were cheering me on,
Were for nothing, I would always revert into the voice in the void of everything,
ANOTHER story about me going to UNI, this is my very first time and I moved to another city close to my sisters in bigger city 1 hour away, me and my father 2 months in, me knowing no one in and a extreme introvert due to internet addiction, about this time I start getting clean from the other drugs, and the only thing that's creeping up on me is intrusive thoughts,
Grabbing a brand new razer, swerving into oncoming traffic, kitchen knife straight into my gut, using the rifle, jumping into the river,
I finally had enough, I've been escaping into Vrchat, to get away from my own thoughts, but me being me always attracting the outcasts, meeting this one person that abuses DXM, and I enable him into doing SH, I stop,
No more running from my own thoughts, I call up my father and tell him me and him have to have a talk, he comes home I make him sit down to tell him, it was the most hardest thing I had to tell someone, I have been thinking of killing myself for years,
He has no words, in denial I suppose, we end up going to my sisters one hour away, me and her have a talk about the same thing,
She's a student counsellor, I could see her eyes go from lighting up with shine and glint into,
Dark, empty, 1000 mile stare,
She remains having a character, because she's been through this before, but I could obviously tell never with a family member,
I lay in her bed writing this, she's gone to another city to have a meeting, the pressure I must have put on her.
I'm so sorry.
