leloyon
I'll see you in the Wired.
- Feb 4, 2023
- 1,386
oh boy, i finished it juuuuuuuuust as damien put out the third installment of his fleshlight love story.
anyway i sure hope you like reading, cuz you got MORE OF IT
if you aint read the first one read it ere
sanctioned-suicide.net
i wanted this one to come by surprise, so as a result i told no one. HAH, FUCK YOU THOUGH, THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE A ONE SHOT HUH WELL GUESS WHAT
it was intended to be but i got more ideas so i jumped back in
put significantly more effort into this one and its longer than the other. i planned this shit out and took a couple days writing it so ye
ejnoy innit
Darkness.
Just like in the dream, she was surrounded by darkness. Just like in the dream, there was a floor of some kind, even despite it being a void, darkness stretching into infinite.
Just like in the dream.
Damien was somehow surprised, but she needn't have been. She didn't know how to play Mahjong, and the Triad wasn't giving lessons before her first duel began. Her first, and only, duel. She'd lost quickly, and hard. And as horror dawned on her, she felt like she was watching the elderly Chinese man in slow-motion as his underlings grabbed her by the arms, the elder speaking Mandarin quicker than any human should be capable of. The underlings dragged her away, and opened the door of what was, and should have still been, a closet. And yet, there was nothing but darkness inside.
They flung her in like a sack of potatoes, the outside disappearing as soon as she had crossed the threshold.
She didn't see Loyon as she fell, this time. Everything else was almost identical, although she could swear that she saw Chinese characters in the flashing colours, but the absence of Loyon was the most striking difference. Instead, she saw rail-thin people, all around her. All looking East Asian in origin, and starved, their bodies literally being skin and bone. They were as tall as her, and all crying out in suffering, as they stood on top of each other, rows and rows of bodies forming a tower of empty eyes and grotesquely wide mouths that could only scream. She passed by them quickly, as she tumbled, down and down…
When she landed though, rather than taking it lying down (literally) like the dream, she had hit the ground running. She had quickly gotten back up, and tried to discern if there was anything that she could see. Was this really a void? It had a floor, clearly. That was at least one solid object. Hell, the starving people weren't here. That had ended after a while, so not only was there a floor here, but there was at least one other floor above that they were standing on. Despite her trying her best to try to make anything out, it was useless. As far as she could tell, she was in the void.
More than anything though, she couldn't see a wide-brimmed hat. Couldn't hear any footsteps. At least he hadn't shown up yet.
Damien hesitantly took a few steps, and then stopped.
Screaming.
She heard high-pitched screaming, cutting through the silence. Somehow, she couldn't hear the cries from the broken beings she had passed on her descent. And yet, the screams of a girl managed to get through, getting louder, and louder…
Damien tried to look up; she couldn't be perfectly sure she was looking at the ceiling, or sky, or whatever was here, but she was standing straight and her head was looking upwards. She could see a speck, slowly growing ever closer as it approached, the screams turning into whooping and hollering, laughing like a madwoman.
Recognition dawned on her, as she saw familiar features in the figure tumbling towards the ground. The dirty blonde hair, almost brown in appearance, being dragged as she fell. The all-too familiar trenchcoat almost appearing like a pair of wings as it flapped.
The girl whose limbs were all stretched in front of her as she fell hit the ground with a manic laugh and a dull thud.
Damien rushed to her side, to confirm her suspicions, as a sense of relief dawned on her. The other girl, meanwhile, lay on her back for a moment, before pushing herself upwards with a groan. She had landed exactly where Damien had, the few steps Damien had taken saving the both of them from the girl landing on top of her.
Loyon sat up, pitching both her cheeks with her fingers and pulling on them, as if to confirm that she was alive. Her respirator was around her neck as she looked first to her left, then her right, pausing when she noticed Damien. Her eyes widened and she recoiled immediately, not expecting to see another person, before recognition set in.
Despite seeing her girlfriend, Loyon didn't feel relieved. "Damien…?!"
"L-Loyon…" Damien said, flabbergasted. She pulled Loyon into a hug, stroking her head. "Oh, Loyon, shawty… it's you… it's you, baby…"
Loyon just blinked, before hesitantly hugging her back. "I'd say I'm glad to see you, but… gods dammit, I just ended up bringing you here, didn't I? You're here because of me, for fucks sake… it's all my fault…"
"Hey." Damien cut her off, unwilling to tolerate her self-loathing. She held onto Loyon's shoulders as she pulled back, looking her girl in the eyes. "Look at me. None of this is your fault, so quit yapping. Just 'cuz your friends are freaky ahh Ohio Triad motherfuckers doesn't mean you're a freak, so quit your delulu tweaking, for real."
Said girl just looked back, wide eyed. She just blinked in response, apparently not disgusted for once by Damien's brainrot, before pulling away and picking herself up.
"In any case…" Loyon said, obviously unwilling to verbally admit that Damien was right, "what kinda place is this?...i-is this all there is? Just a void…?" Her voice got quieter as she spoke, seemingly talking to herself more than Damien, clearly fearful of the prospect of there being nothing but eternal darkness, as she nervously took a few steps, walking past Damien.
She never outwardly said it, but Damien assumed Loyon's obsession with spirituality was due to fearing this exact scenario, should she die.
Damien decided to stop her in her tracks, before she went off the rails. "So…" she began, getting up herself and looking at Loyon, "how'd you get here, anyway?"
Loyon just sighed in response, turning her head to look at Damien. "My leg was messed up and you know my various flaws. The goons caught up with me quick, dragged me to a dumpster. They threw the lid open and one picked me up and threw me in, and suddenly I was falling into here…" She paused, wide eyed, hit with a realisation. "Wait. My leg. My leg!" she yelled excitedly, before lifting her foot, examining her leg. "It's okay! My leg… what the shit? How is it okay?"
She was too preoccupied with her leg to notice her girlfriend watching her in amusement. Damien, for what it's worth, simply assumed it was "afterlife shit" and left it at that.
Suddenly, they both heard footsteps. Both of them froze, tensing up, both on guard and panicked, but for mildly different reasons.
From nowhere, they both saw the Hat Man emerge. Their eyes both widened in recognition for different reasons. Loyon, of course, was familiar with the Hat Man, spoken of in psychonaut circles as the one who appears when you take too much Benadryl or Datura. Damien, on the other hand, had had first-hand experience with him, in a way.
Just like in the dream.
The man with the wide-brimmed hat simply walked up to them, wordlessly, before stopping about ten steps short of the both of them. He had his hands clasped together behind his back as he walked, and Damien was mildly relieved that he wasn't carrying a boombox.
So that means he can't, right…?
The being stood silently for a couple of seconds upon stopping, before both of his arms fell to his sides. He lifted one of his arms, his hand reaching into his robe, before beginning to pull something large out.
A boombox.
Of fucking course, a boombox.
Damien looked horrified, while Loyon just stared on in bewilderment, if anything merely mildly perturbed by this development. Losing her nerve, Damien began to approach the man as he lifted the boombox up, his other hand reaching for the play button as he ignored her pleas of "Oh god, please, please no… anything but that, please-"
Mercy would not come, as he hit the button on the boombox, and the all-familiar tune began playing. Damien stared on in horror as he, predictably, nodded his head a couple times, placed it down onto the floor, and turned back to walk away.
Only to fall forward, onto the floor, as Damien tackled him. She flipped him onto his back and pinned his wrists to the ground as he writhed and struggled.
"NO!" Damien yelled in his face, glaring at him with unrestrained anger. She could barely register Loyon muttering "no… no, why…" as she stood frozen with shock, overwhelmed by the prospect of listening to Thick Of It in combination with all the other events of today. Damien merely moved her face closer to the blank patch of matte black skin as she bore a hole into the spots where eyes should have been. "You can't subject us to this. If we're gonna go through this shit, you're gonna stay right here and suffer with us."
The figure stopped writhing for a moment, her words dawning on him and somehow both Damien and Loyon could tell that his blood went cold and his heart stopped, this creature who did not have a face to emote somehow radiating pure, unbridled horror. He began writhing harder, desperately, shaking wildly in panic. He had no mouth, and he had to scream.
Suddenly, the figure tried to lunge at Damien. She moved back a little to avoid it, still gripping his wrists, before moving forward again and pinning him back down. He stopped struggling.
"Well?" Damien asked, probing him. He nodded his head frantically, and all of a sudden, he wasn't there anymore. She couldn't hear Thick Of It anymore either.
"D-Damien… look… get up, look…" Loyon said to her, grabbing her hand and attempting to pull her up. Damien accepted it, getting up and realising that he hadn't teleported away from them, he had teleported them away from him.
And they had been teleported in front of a door. A dark red wooden door, covered in ornate carvings of dragons covering it. Damien's eyes met Loyon's as they nodded at each other, both knowing they had no other choice. They stepped forward, opening the door.
They were greeted with an argument. An argument they couldn't understand, as the Elder stood with another elderly Chinese man in front of a large square table, both yelling at each other in Mandarin. They turned to look at the intruders, as all the other occupants sitting around the table did the same, twenty sets of eyes falling upon the couple who had entered their domain.
The Elder scoffed, and went to walk towards the two, before the other elderly man, who carried a cane but evidently did not need it, overtook him, standing in front of Loyon protectively. Damien turned towards Loyon, surprised, and noticed the look of recognition on her face.
She put her hand on Loyon's shoulder, leaning close to her ear. "Who's that?" she asked quietly.
Loyon looked back at her for a moment, before continuing to look at the man protecting her. "Elder Luihong", she answered. She stared, shocked, at Elder Luihong's back. Damien recognised the name immediately, Elder Luihong being the leader of the Triad that Loyon had helped, become an ally of, her friendship painting the target on her back that lead to them being banished to the land of Yi to begin with.
It became clear to them both what was happening. Elder Luihong was clearly trying to vouch for them, argue in their favour, attempting to save them from this fate. His hand, closed in a fist, flickered quickly into his pocket, some sort of nervous tic, before gripping onto Loyon's coat, pinching the midsection of it. His hand quickly opened and closed, before he let go, his arm returning to his side. Loyon shook herself off, confused by his demeanour.
They looked on in shock as the two yelled at each other in Mandarin, hardly noticing the eighteen others also watching on, and watching them.
Eventually, one of them stood up and slammed his fist on the table, yelling something in Mandarin. Both Elder Luihong and the other elder stopped their argument, both facing him.
The man who had silenced them looked remarkably different from almost everyone else, the only exception being his comrade sitting at the head of the table with him. Both were noticeably younger than the rest, and wore military uniforms decorated with medals rather than business suits. The one who had interrupted the argument was thin and wore a pair of circular glasses, while the man sitting next to him was both significantly beefier and taller, being almost as tall as his currently-standing confederate while currently being seated.
It was immediately clear who was in charge here.
"B-but, Emperor Puyi…" the Elder began, before being cut off by the man in glasses.
"Sit down, Elder Wei-Lei", said Puyi, having none of it, "and you too, Elder Luihong. We have had enough of this nonsense."
Both Elders shared a look, before looking back at Damien and Loyon, and then walking to the table, sitting themselves down in the two empty seats.
Puyi sat down as well, sighing and rubbing his temples with his fingers. The beefier man looked at him in amusement, before turning to face the couple who stood before them. Puyi, noticing this, looked up at them too.
"We apologise for this. The leaders of the Triad should be more composed, and yet here we are." Puyi said.
The couple shared a look, before Loyon stepped forward, gripping Damien's hand in hers. Damien rubbed her thumb on the back of Loyon's hand in an attempt to reassure her. "Who are you two? I… I feel like I've seen you two before, somewhere…"
The beefier man and Puyi both snorted in amusement. "Ah, where are our manners?" Puyi said, amusement in his tone. "I am Emperor Puyi, and this…" he gestured to his comrade, "is General Zhang Zongchang. We are the leaders of the Triad, you see."
Loyon recoiled a bit in shock at this. "Zhang Zongchang?! As in, the great poet Zhang Zongchang?!"
Zhang smiled wide at this, happy at the recognition. "Indeed. I take it my poems are greatly appreciated nowadays?" he said, amusement in his tone.
Loyon smiled wide, nodding happily. "Yeah, yeah! I loved 'Praying For Rain'! And 'Poem About Bastards'? Truly a certified hood classic, it's your most famous work. Absolutely art in its purest form.", she rambled, clearly excited by the prospect of having met China's greatest poet.
"Ah, yes, I remember. That one really hasn't changed, has it? After all…" Zhang gestured towards Elder Wei-Lei, "He tells me to do this…" he then gestured towards Elder Luihong, "he tells me to do that…", and then spread his arms out, gesturing towards the entire table, "you're all bastards, go fuck your mother!" He ended the poem, as his open palms turned into middle fingers, flipping the bird to both sides of the table.
Loyon let go of Damien's hand, clapping at the poem. Damien still seemed a little baffled, but began to seem amused, while Puyi just shook his head at the display.
"Aight, so, that's a nice poem, for real for real, but what happens to us?" Damien cut in, deciding to get to the bottom of this. "Are we gonna listen to Thick Of It forever? Are you sending us to Ohio?!"
Puyi sighed, raising his hand to gesture at her to stop, cutting off her rant. "There has been a mistake. You see, if it weren't for a certain someone dragging laowai into a conflict they had no involvement in," he shot a look at Elder Wei-Lei, who recoiled before looking down at the table in shame, "then you never would have ended up here."
Zhang nodded his head at this, "This place is for Chinese only. Laowai do not belong in the Land of Yi, and if it weren't for certain unruly bosses losing sight of this rule, they wouldn't."
Almost all of the elders in the room stood up at this, yelling at Puyi and Zhang in Mandarin. Zhang stood up and yelled at them, silencing them as they looked up at the warlord-slash-accomplished poet that towered over them. They all sat back down quickly without another word, with Zhang shaking his head and taking a seat himself.
"Unfortunately, we cannot save you entirely from your fate." Puyi said with a sigh, clearly weary at everyone else's antics. "As non-Chinese, you do not belong here. Rather, you belong in a place more fitting for you both."
"S-so… we haven't been Shanghai'd?" Loyon said, baffling Damien in the process, and ignoring that he hadn't just said that they were returning to the Middle Kingdom. "N-Neo-China… it hasn't arrived from the future? We haven't been Shanghai'd?!"
Puyi stared at her, before shaking his head. "No, young girl, you haven't been Shanghai'd, and Neo-China hasn't arrived."
"Yet." Zhang cut in, with a wolfish grin, looking at Damien and Loyon as if they were prey. "This will happen later, soon. Soon Neo-China will arrive from the future. Soon, all will be Shanghai'd."
Puyi just stared on at this, before nodding his head at them. "Leave through the door you entered from, and you will be brought to a place where your kind belong. You still agreed to the Mahjong game, and you still lost The Game. This is all we can do for you." he told them, with a tinge of regret in his voice at the end.
Damien and Loyon looked at each other. They both knew this was the only choice they had. Even if they had somehow deluded themselves into wanting to listen to Thick Of It (which they both knew would require them to suffer extreme, incomprehensible brain damage), they no longer had a choice.
"We just gotta stick to the sigma grindset, shawty, no cap." Damien said, looking Loyon in the eyes and caressing her cheek with her hand. "It's like they say, gooners never die."
Loyon just stared at her sadly, unable to recoil at her brainrot slang, which broke Damien's heart more than anything. She didn't react not out of liking the brainrot, but due to being too overwhelmed to, which hurt Damien deeply. She wished she could save Loyon from this, just drag her home and cuddle her and protect her from the world, however she had already failed to protect her girl once today, and it had brought them here.
Her girl just reached for Damien's hand, Damien getting the gist and locking hands with her before she could lift her hand up to her own face. They both stared at each other, then nodded, with Damien leading the way as she opened the door and stepped into the void.
The void flashed every colour of the rainbow again, this time showing Hebrew characters within its blinding vomit of colour rather than Chinese. The flashing lasted only a couple of seconds, and Damien and Loyon both noticed that they weren't falling like they had expected, but simply standing in place. The flashing ceased, and a new setting faded into being.
A dark cavern, frosting in some areas, greeted them this time. All around them was hard rock, as if they were at the bottom of a cave. Jagged rocks fell from the ceiling as well as icicles, which stuck in the ground rather than shattering on impact as they should have.
All of a sudden, Damien and Loyon were blinded by a flash of light. Fire. Fire surrounded them, engulfing the entire room with thick smoke and blinding light. They both screamed, hugging each other, clutching the other desperately as if they could protect them from the inferno.
The flames stopped after a few seconds, and as their screams and the crackling of the fire died down and echoed throughout the cavern, it was replaced by a cackling. A high-pitched, mocking cackle, the laugher dominating any other sound that could have been made in the cave.
The laughter died down, and a deep voice cut in, amused and mocking. "Oh, that's always the best part. Gets 'em every time. I really do love this job." the voice said, before emitting a low chuckle.
Our couple turned around, still holding onto each other, to be greeted by an odd figure. A shirtless man with a goatee sat on a large throne, one hand resting to his side while the other had its elbow digging into the armrest of the throne, pointing towards the ceiling. Both hands had their ring and pinky fingers folded while the middle and index fingers were outstretched and pointed, the hand pointing towards the floor having its thumb up as if making a finger-gun while the hand pointing towards the ceiling had its thumb folded as well. Most striking of all were his head and feet, with long horns protruding from his skull, sticking out from the short head of hair. Everything below the belt was as if it had been taken from some sort of bovid, covered in thick brown fur before being capped off by two black hooves where feet should have been.
Satan's piercing golden eyes bore into Damien and Loyon's soul, somehow even more taunting than his vocalisations thus far could have ever hoped to be.
He spread his arms out, and revealed two large bat wings behind him, previously folded and hidden behind his back, as he raised his head and yelled. "Welcome to Hell!"
Damien and Loyon just blinked, before Damien stepped forth with a grin. "Oh, we did get brought to Ohio?" she said, before laughing, holding her hand out for Loyon for a low-five. Loyon just stared at her, even as Damien muttered, "c'mon, c'mon, don't leave me hangin', c'mon," over and over, barely audible. Loyon broke out of her confusion, turning away from Damien in disgust, before walking forward herself.
"So that's it, then? We just get condemned to Hell, end of the line, for losing a game of Mahjong that we didn't have to play to begin with?"
The Devil sighed at Loyon's protests. "Yeah, here is where those who grew up in Christian societies end up, unfortunately. Them's the rules. But don't worry! You won't get the pain spike, or the pit of snakes. I'll send'ya down to the tenth layer of Hell, the layer of Peace and Parties, and you can spend your days in the mosh pi-"
"Enough!" Loyon cut him off, clearly frustrated. "Jeez… you're really just gonna accept this? We shouldn't even be here! Hell is meant to be where you go when you die, right? We weren't killed, we were banished!"
"I mean, if you think about it, dying is just a form of banishme-"
"That is not what I mean and you fucking know it."
"But they're all waiting for you down there! Lilith was so excited to finally see you after hearing of you for so long, oh and Lucy has been itching as well, she's my cis female counterpart, you know, her roommate makes amazing pancakes, truly to die for, hehe…"
Loyon was briefly piqued by the mention of Lilith, but grew incredulous at his talk of Lucy and pancakes. "Ugh, yeah, to die for, when you have to die to get here. Which we! Didn't! DO!" her voice grew in volume, before ending with her yelling at Satan, her patience fully done at that point. "And, wait, what the fuck do you mean? Isn't there only one you?"
Satan just looked at her condescendingly, "Oh, please, with all the different perceptions and cultures? With most deities and supernatural beings, there's more than one. Having a clone of you is weird at first, but you get used to it. Besides, can't shoulder all the workload by yourself, hah!"
She just stared at Satan in response, before groaning again. "Look, I'm psyched to meet Lilith and all, absolutely thrilled, always wanted to be her daughter, but I don't belong here."
"Yeah, well, you're here, even if you didn't die. Them's the breaks, ain't that a bitch?"
Loyon stared at the ground for a moment, before smiling. "Yeah, I suppose I should just accept it. How about we make a deal, then? Just a little one, and it seems you already plan to honour it in any case, just wanna make it official, y'know?"
Satan chuckled in response, his voice changing to that of a woman's, her feminine chuckles seeming more warm than they had previously. "Hah, a deal with the Devil, huh?"
She merely chuckled back, looking at Satan, ignoring Damien's whispers of "Loyon? Loyon, what the…what the fuck are you doing?" and instead focusing on the King of Hell exclusively. "Yep, partly just so I get bragging rights for making a deal with the Devil, if anything."
He just looked back, amused, but less condescending. He had asserted his dominance on the two of them, there was little left to prove. Even with her attitude, they had both clearly given up. "Sure, go on then."
"You take me to meet Lilith, upon my death. You already said she was itching for me to be her daughter, right? I'm more than happy to be one of hers, but of course, that would be between me and her. So I will have to meet her to discuss this." Upon finishing speaking, she stuck her hand out for the devil to shake.
The Devil took her hand and shook it, both of their hands being engulfed in blue flame, which had no effect on Loyon, unable to feel it or be harmed by it. They then released their hands, before locking their pinkies together. "Deal."
They disconnected their pinkies and moved their hands away from each other. Loyon simply turned her back to the Devil and walked towards her girlfriend, her hands in her pockets and looking more smug than she'd ever been in her life. Damien was baffled, and betrayal set in. Had Loyon really just decided to give them both up to Hell?
"Ah. Well, I'll be looking forward to it, Luci." Loyon said, with a blissful sigh. Her smug smile directed at the Devil, who smiled back, resting one of his arms on the armrest of his throne and propping his head up with his hand.
"Hmm? Why wait? Might as well just go now, to honour my deal as soon as possible, no?"
An arm snaked around Damien's waist, pulling her close to her lover, who looked Satan dead in his eyes. As her eyes focused on the girl's face, said girl started tutting.
"Nah, that wouldn't be quite right…"
Her grin, somehow, grew wider, the widest grin Damien had ever seen from her.
"After all, we agreed that I would meet her upon my death."
Damien and Satan's eyes widened, as they both put the pieces together. Damien barked out a laugh, before pointing her finger straight at Satan. "And you admitted that we didn't die!"
The Devil just looked at the floor. Denied, in his head, that he had said that. Realised that no, he had said that. He had shook on that. Made a pinky swear to that. He looked up, before chuckling. His chuckled turned into howling laughter. He eventually stopped laughing and started slow-clapping.
"Bravo! Bravo. It's been too long since someone pulled a fast one on me. I'll admit, I'm impressed."
He paused, before continuing. "I mean, you didn't say anything about not becoming a resident of Hell, or taking you back to Earth, so I could just kill you, or keep you here until you die…" he paused, expecting to drink in the looks of shock or horror on their faces, but finding none. He continued, slightly disappointed by the lack of reaction, "buuuuut, I'll admit you pulled a good one there. So, tell ya what, I'll tell you exactly how to go straight home. You gotta go through the Land of Oni, before going through the Secret Kingdom of Molepeople, which will then lead to Genso-"
"Nononono, quit capping." Damien cut him off, emboldened by their victory against him. "We're not going through any Molepeople, or Oni, or whatever. Just take us home."
Satan seemed peeved about being interrupted, but spoke nonetheless. "Welp, that's the only way you can, guaranteed, go straight back home. It is what it is."
Damien went to object, but footsteps rang in the cavern, a new voice cutting in.
"Hellooooooooo…? A crate of shrimp for Satan?"
A strange-looking man walked into the cavern. He wore a cowboy hat and boots, along with tracksuit pants and a leather jacket. The cowboy hat was unable to completely cover up his mullet. He carried a large wooden crate in his hands, presumably containing the aforementioned shrimp.
With a grunt, the man placed the crate of shrimp down and sat on it, not even noticing that three pairs of eyes were on him. He was completely focused on the Grind.
Loyon's eyes widened. Her arm lifted as she shakily pointed a finger at the man.
"...Kam? You?!"
Satan just raised an eyebrow at this, while Damien spun around to look at her. "Y-you know him?!"
The man just chuckled. "Kam? Now that's a name I haven't heard in years…" he said, before raising his head, tipping his hat in the process. "The name's Jack, professional shrimp mercha-..." he stopped as his eyes trained squarely on Loyon. Suddenly, he jumped up, pointing a finger at her. "E-Eirin?!"
"Oi!" Loyon yelled, stomping her foot. "My name is Loyon, dammit! How many times do I have to tell you?!"
"How many times do I have to tell you that my name is Jack, not Kam!"
The Devil watched them bicker, before clearing his throat. This snapped the bickering… pair, out of their argument.
"How about this, then? This Jackal fellow-"
"It's just Jack, how hard is it?"
"-came here via Earth as well." The Devil said, ignoring Kam's attempt at an interruption. He pulled out a cigar from behind his throne. He stuck it inbetween his lips as he continued speaking.
I'll admit, I can…" He paused to release a small flame from one of his fingers, lighting the end of the cigar. His fingers then gripped it, pulling it out of his mouth and allowing him to let out a puff of smoke. "...sympathise, with your situation. How's about this then? He always wanted to be like Big Boss from Metal Gear, and a soldier, so him getting some combat experience will do the man some good. And if you can beat him, you two get your freedom."
Three pairs of eyes stared at him blankly, all blinking slowly as they comprehended his words, before three people promptly exploded in disbelief.
"HIM??? HIM?!?! LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT DAMIEN!!! AND NOW LOOK AT HIM!!!" Loyon screamed, while gesturing wildly at herself, Damien and Kam. "This isn't a fight, this is a beating!!! WE'LL DIE!!!"
"I can't hit a woman, that's just not right!" Kam shouted, before yelling again, slightly calmer, "besides, I can't murder her, our son would never forgive me!"
The silence at that statement was deafening. You could hear a pin drop in the room. The sound of concrete scraping against concrete was almost physically audible as both Damien and Satan, with eyes like saucers, rotated while perfectly frozen to stare at Loyon and Kam.
Damien just looked hurt, slightly confused. "Y-you what?...y-yo, q-quit capping, haha…" her laugh was clearly to try to hide the hurt, and everyone knew it. "Y-you wouldn't have a son, not with him…r-right Loyon?"
Loyon just looked at the floor, pensive. She spoke slowly. "I-We married briefly f-for tax reasons…w-we didn't like each other that way, we just h-held hands at some point, and then I went to s-sleep that n-night, a-and I w-woke up in the m-morning…"
She stopped for a minute as she felt her girlfriend's hand on her shoulder, Damien looking at her with concern. "L-Loyon, when you were asleep, h-he didn't…"
"I-I woke up…a-and there was an egg underneath the sheets…"
"...what."
"I-I took good care of it, Damien. I-I sang to it, I protected it. I cared about it so much, D-Damien…"
"...for real? On God?"
"I-I sat on it, Damien. I-I sat on it and th-then it hatched a-and I was so happy…I thought it would be a g-girl, I was gonna name her Daisy, b-but it was…"
"It was a boy." Kam cut in. "He is our son, Eirin, and I love him very much."
"I SAT ON HIS EGG!!!" Loyon yelled, already emotionally vulnerable and now triggered by Kam butting in. "I-I love him a lot!!! It-it's not fair!!!"
"He's his own man, Eirin! He can drive if he wants to!!!"
Loyon only looked even more distressed by his words. "I never said I didn't support his dreams!!! I'm proud of him driving, Kam!!! I'm so, so proud!!! But you won't let me see him!!! He needs his mooooooom!!!"
"Bullshit!" Kam yelled, pointing at Loyon. "Back when he became a Valorant player, you hated it! I supported his dreams back then, while you brushed them off!"
"Th-that was different, it-it was a different time… sh-should I really be condemned just for that one time? Y-you were the one who insisted we profit off of it, I-I said I didn't want to take his Valorant m-money, y-yet I'm the bad one?!"
"I was supporting his dreams!"
"His dreams were to Drive, Kam, they always were!!!"
"I just wanted what was best for our family!!"
"You won't let him see his mother!!! I sat on his egg, Kam!!!"
"JACK!"
"THEN YOU CALL ME LOYON!!!"
"ENOUGH!!!"
The voice of the King of Hell bellowed, silencing the divorced couple's argument. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, before slowly opening them and exhaling through his nostrils. Clearly perturbed, or at least emotionally affected in some way by this argument.
"We'll just say that's the fight."
Damien spoke up, "Wait, what? R-really, just like that?"
"...Just like that." Satan nodded. "Ah, whatever. We'll say the argument was the fight, and that Loyon won." Satan then spoke up, louder, with a hint of mockery, as his gaze and head tilted to the side. "After all, just like on the surface, the woman wins the custody battle by default, am I right fellas?"
In the distance, a loud "WHEYYYYY" can be heard, the voices clearly belonging to elderly males.
The devil just looked back to Damien and Loyon, before clarifying "Just gotta keep the local boomers happy. They eat that kinda shit up. Anyway, Kameraad…"
"That's not my name."
"Cheetah, show them to the place where you came from. It'll probably take 'em home. And hey, let her visit her son sometime, huh? I bet he would want to see both his parents."
There was a pause, before Kam just let out an unamused sigh. "Fine, let's go then."
Kam turned and walked away, Damien following and Loyon hesitantly trailing behind. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, as only the sound of footsteps echoed through the cavern, as they walked from the rocky cave into yet another void.
No flashing colours greeted them this time, nor any sense of change. Just walking into nothingness as if it were any other room or location.
Eventually, Kam spoke up. "Hey."
Loyon said nothing, just looking down as she continued to follow Damien rather than actually, specifically following Kam.
"I'm sorry, Eirin. I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship."
"It's fine… it's just, I know it's hard for you too…"
"I should let him see you more, it's just that I didn't ask for this."
"I didn't either, I-you know that I didn't want kids. B-but after I woke up with his egg, I-I just knew I loved him…"
"...maybe you can see him at some point. We do need to meet up again, after all."
Loyon just smiled a bit at this. Kam looked over his shoulder, at Damien.
"This your girl, Eirin?"
"Heh." Damien chuckled, grabbing Loyon's hand. "She's my girl, man."
He just chuckled in response, jokingly putting his hands up. "Don't worry, don't worry. We never really felt that way about each other. All of this was unintentional, you know."
They arrived at what would almost seem like a corridor if it wasn't still in the void. Within the pitch black were lines of doors, both to the left and right, as if it were a narrow hallway. Kam slapped his palm on one door, using his other hand to point at it.
"This door is what you're looking for. It apparently takes those that walk through it to where they 'really' need to go.", he said, miming air quotes in the process. "In almost all cases, that's just their home, so I'm sure it'll be all good."
"Are you not going through it?" Loyon asked, confused.
"Heh. Nah. Hell has plenty of realms on Earth, and it happens that I reside in one of 'em." He said, making his way over to one of the doors. He looked above it, at a flag with two sky blue vertical lines surrounding a white line, with an odd symbol in the middle of it, before nodding to himself. "Welp, I'll take my leave. Hit me up when you get home, Eirin. See ya 'round, girl."
"Heh. Later, Kam. So long, space cowboy." Loyon responded, as Kam opened the door. She could see some sort of jungle as he stepped through the door, shutting it behind him.
Damien and Loyon stared at the door Kam had departed through. Then, of course, they shared a look. They had looked at each other's eyes many times today, not even the first time they stepped through a door related to the void in some way, stepped into the unknown together. And yet, rather than being scared, this time they allowed themselves to be hopeful as they joined hands again.
Without a word, this time Loyon was the first to go, as they both walked through another door into the unknown…
A beautiful forest snapped into view. Twigs snapped underneath their feet as they emerged into the forest. Damien looked back and there was no longer a door.
Through the chirping of birds, a faint mumbling could be heard. Damien and Loyon looked at each other, nodded, and set off towards it. They weren't home, after all. And apparently, this is where they "needed" to be.
After just a minute of walking, they made it through the trees. They gazed upon a small stone oratory, worn with age. It had moss in some places, clearly wasn't very well-kept. There were no paths leading to it. And yet, in front of it, a single figure crouched.
Mumbling in what sounded like French could be heard, as a figure draped in a camouflage cloak prayed. Crouched in front of the small oratory, their voice was barely audible, making it a miracle that Damien and Loyon had even heard it to begin with. Even kneeling, they were almost as tall as Damien.
Damien looked over to Loyon, whose grip on her hand had slackened. In her eyes, Damien saw pure awe.
Another person that Loyon recognised, and Damien didn't know about.
Loyon slowly, shakily, approached the person, careful not to disturb them. She stopped a couple steps short of them, standing over them as they prayed.
The prayer stopped, clearly finished rather that Loyon having cut it short. The person stood up, towering over both Loyon and Damien, before turning around.
Loyon gasped as a pair of kind eyes looked down upon her, behind large, circular lenses. She slowly fell to her knees, tears forming in her eyes.
She began weeping, openly, in front of the person. Damien tentatively approached her, unsure of what to do. She knew that Loyon had been unable to cry for years now, and yet here the floodgates had opened.
She recognised this individual as well, with Loyon having told her about them.
The figure in the zipped up boiler suit and gas mask got back on their knees, in front of Loyon. A gloved hand reached into their cloak, pulling out a small flower crown, clearly made by hand. Two gloves hands slowly, carefully approached Loyon's head, surgically placing it on her.
As Loyon weeped, Le Loyon's hands reached her red face, caressing it and wiping her hot tears away. The Phantom of Maules' voice was high pitched and laced with kindness and affection, as they spoke to the girl.
"It's okay. Welcome home, my daughter. Welcome home."
anyway i sure hope you like reading, cuz you got MORE OF IT
if you aint read the first one read it ere
STORY: Damien and Loyon Say Gex??? Sesbian Lex???
i wrote this short story like two weeks ago and posted it on my profile. it was received well enuff that i hath posted it as a thread to share it with the masses, the unwashed hordes (read: people who dont look at my profile) also, since i know damien's rep as well as the title: THIS IS NOT A...
sanctioned-suicide.net
i wanted this one to come by surprise, so as a result i told no one. HAH, FUCK YOU THOUGH, THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE A ONE SHOT HUH WELL GUESS WHAT
it was intended to be but i got more ideas so i jumped back in
put significantly more effort into this one and its longer than the other. i planned this shit out and took a couple days writing it so ye
ejnoy innit
@damienlerone03
@The Actual Devil
@nonameno5
@L9my
@soonnotkoei
@Pluto
@The Actual Devil
@nonameno5
@L9my
@soonnotkoei
@Pluto
Darkness.
Just like in the dream, she was surrounded by darkness. Just like in the dream, there was a floor of some kind, even despite it being a void, darkness stretching into infinite.
Just like in the dream.
Damien was somehow surprised, but she needn't have been. She didn't know how to play Mahjong, and the Triad wasn't giving lessons before her first duel began. Her first, and only, duel. She'd lost quickly, and hard. And as horror dawned on her, she felt like she was watching the elderly Chinese man in slow-motion as his underlings grabbed her by the arms, the elder speaking Mandarin quicker than any human should be capable of. The underlings dragged her away, and opened the door of what was, and should have still been, a closet. And yet, there was nothing but darkness inside.
They flung her in like a sack of potatoes, the outside disappearing as soon as she had crossed the threshold.
She didn't see Loyon as she fell, this time. Everything else was almost identical, although she could swear that she saw Chinese characters in the flashing colours, but the absence of Loyon was the most striking difference. Instead, she saw rail-thin people, all around her. All looking East Asian in origin, and starved, their bodies literally being skin and bone. They were as tall as her, and all crying out in suffering, as they stood on top of each other, rows and rows of bodies forming a tower of empty eyes and grotesquely wide mouths that could only scream. She passed by them quickly, as she tumbled, down and down…
When she landed though, rather than taking it lying down (literally) like the dream, she had hit the ground running. She had quickly gotten back up, and tried to discern if there was anything that she could see. Was this really a void? It had a floor, clearly. That was at least one solid object. Hell, the starving people weren't here. That had ended after a while, so not only was there a floor here, but there was at least one other floor above that they were standing on. Despite her trying her best to try to make anything out, it was useless. As far as she could tell, she was in the void.
More than anything though, she couldn't see a wide-brimmed hat. Couldn't hear any footsteps. At least he hadn't shown up yet.
Damien hesitantly took a few steps, and then stopped.
Screaming.
She heard high-pitched screaming, cutting through the silence. Somehow, she couldn't hear the cries from the broken beings she had passed on her descent. And yet, the screams of a girl managed to get through, getting louder, and louder…
Damien tried to look up; she couldn't be perfectly sure she was looking at the ceiling, or sky, or whatever was here, but she was standing straight and her head was looking upwards. She could see a speck, slowly growing ever closer as it approached, the screams turning into whooping and hollering, laughing like a madwoman.
Recognition dawned on her, as she saw familiar features in the figure tumbling towards the ground. The dirty blonde hair, almost brown in appearance, being dragged as she fell. The all-too familiar trenchcoat almost appearing like a pair of wings as it flapped.
The girl whose limbs were all stretched in front of her as she fell hit the ground with a manic laugh and a dull thud.
Damien rushed to her side, to confirm her suspicions, as a sense of relief dawned on her. The other girl, meanwhile, lay on her back for a moment, before pushing herself upwards with a groan. She had landed exactly where Damien had, the few steps Damien had taken saving the both of them from the girl landing on top of her.
Loyon sat up, pitching both her cheeks with her fingers and pulling on them, as if to confirm that she was alive. Her respirator was around her neck as she looked first to her left, then her right, pausing when she noticed Damien. Her eyes widened and she recoiled immediately, not expecting to see another person, before recognition set in.
Despite seeing her girlfriend, Loyon didn't feel relieved. "Damien…?!"
"L-Loyon…" Damien said, flabbergasted. She pulled Loyon into a hug, stroking her head. "Oh, Loyon, shawty… it's you… it's you, baby…"
Loyon just blinked, before hesitantly hugging her back. "I'd say I'm glad to see you, but… gods dammit, I just ended up bringing you here, didn't I? You're here because of me, for fucks sake… it's all my fault…"
"Hey." Damien cut her off, unwilling to tolerate her self-loathing. She held onto Loyon's shoulders as she pulled back, looking her girl in the eyes. "Look at me. None of this is your fault, so quit yapping. Just 'cuz your friends are freaky ahh Ohio Triad motherfuckers doesn't mean you're a freak, so quit your delulu tweaking, for real."
Said girl just looked back, wide eyed. She just blinked in response, apparently not disgusted for once by Damien's brainrot, before pulling away and picking herself up.
"In any case…" Loyon said, obviously unwilling to verbally admit that Damien was right, "what kinda place is this?...i-is this all there is? Just a void…?" Her voice got quieter as she spoke, seemingly talking to herself more than Damien, clearly fearful of the prospect of there being nothing but eternal darkness, as she nervously took a few steps, walking past Damien.
She never outwardly said it, but Damien assumed Loyon's obsession with spirituality was due to fearing this exact scenario, should she die.
Damien decided to stop her in her tracks, before she went off the rails. "So…" she began, getting up herself and looking at Loyon, "how'd you get here, anyway?"
Loyon just sighed in response, turning her head to look at Damien. "My leg was messed up and you know my various flaws. The goons caught up with me quick, dragged me to a dumpster. They threw the lid open and one picked me up and threw me in, and suddenly I was falling into here…" She paused, wide eyed, hit with a realisation. "Wait. My leg. My leg!" she yelled excitedly, before lifting her foot, examining her leg. "It's okay! My leg… what the shit? How is it okay?"
She was too preoccupied with her leg to notice her girlfriend watching her in amusement. Damien, for what it's worth, simply assumed it was "afterlife shit" and left it at that.
Suddenly, they both heard footsteps. Both of them froze, tensing up, both on guard and panicked, but for mildly different reasons.
From nowhere, they both saw the Hat Man emerge. Their eyes both widened in recognition for different reasons. Loyon, of course, was familiar with the Hat Man, spoken of in psychonaut circles as the one who appears when you take too much Benadryl or Datura. Damien, on the other hand, had had first-hand experience with him, in a way.
Just like in the dream.
The man with the wide-brimmed hat simply walked up to them, wordlessly, before stopping about ten steps short of the both of them. He had his hands clasped together behind his back as he walked, and Damien was mildly relieved that he wasn't carrying a boombox.
So that means he can't, right…?
The being stood silently for a couple of seconds upon stopping, before both of his arms fell to his sides. He lifted one of his arms, his hand reaching into his robe, before beginning to pull something large out.
A boombox.
Of fucking course, a boombox.
Damien looked horrified, while Loyon just stared on in bewilderment, if anything merely mildly perturbed by this development. Losing her nerve, Damien began to approach the man as he lifted the boombox up, his other hand reaching for the play button as he ignored her pleas of "Oh god, please, please no… anything but that, please-"
Mercy would not come, as he hit the button on the boombox, and the all-familiar tune began playing. Damien stared on in horror as he, predictably, nodded his head a couple times, placed it down onto the floor, and turned back to walk away.
Only to fall forward, onto the floor, as Damien tackled him. She flipped him onto his back and pinned his wrists to the ground as he writhed and struggled.
"NO!" Damien yelled in his face, glaring at him with unrestrained anger. She could barely register Loyon muttering "no… no, why…" as she stood frozen with shock, overwhelmed by the prospect of listening to Thick Of It in combination with all the other events of today. Damien merely moved her face closer to the blank patch of matte black skin as she bore a hole into the spots where eyes should have been. "You can't subject us to this. If we're gonna go through this shit, you're gonna stay right here and suffer with us."
The figure stopped writhing for a moment, her words dawning on him and somehow both Damien and Loyon could tell that his blood went cold and his heart stopped, this creature who did not have a face to emote somehow radiating pure, unbridled horror. He began writhing harder, desperately, shaking wildly in panic. He had no mouth, and he had to scream.
Suddenly, the figure tried to lunge at Damien. She moved back a little to avoid it, still gripping his wrists, before moving forward again and pinning him back down. He stopped struggling.
"Well?" Damien asked, probing him. He nodded his head frantically, and all of a sudden, he wasn't there anymore. She couldn't hear Thick Of It anymore either.
"D-Damien… look… get up, look…" Loyon said to her, grabbing her hand and attempting to pull her up. Damien accepted it, getting up and realising that he hadn't teleported away from them, he had teleported them away from him.
And they had been teleported in front of a door. A dark red wooden door, covered in ornate carvings of dragons covering it. Damien's eyes met Loyon's as they nodded at each other, both knowing they had no other choice. They stepped forward, opening the door.
They were greeted with an argument. An argument they couldn't understand, as the Elder stood with another elderly Chinese man in front of a large square table, both yelling at each other in Mandarin. They turned to look at the intruders, as all the other occupants sitting around the table did the same, twenty sets of eyes falling upon the couple who had entered their domain.
The Elder scoffed, and went to walk towards the two, before the other elderly man, who carried a cane but evidently did not need it, overtook him, standing in front of Loyon protectively. Damien turned towards Loyon, surprised, and noticed the look of recognition on her face.
She put her hand on Loyon's shoulder, leaning close to her ear. "Who's that?" she asked quietly.
Loyon looked back at her for a moment, before continuing to look at the man protecting her. "Elder Luihong", she answered. She stared, shocked, at Elder Luihong's back. Damien recognised the name immediately, Elder Luihong being the leader of the Triad that Loyon had helped, become an ally of, her friendship painting the target on her back that lead to them being banished to the land of Yi to begin with.
It became clear to them both what was happening. Elder Luihong was clearly trying to vouch for them, argue in their favour, attempting to save them from this fate. His hand, closed in a fist, flickered quickly into his pocket, some sort of nervous tic, before gripping onto Loyon's coat, pinching the midsection of it. His hand quickly opened and closed, before he let go, his arm returning to his side. Loyon shook herself off, confused by his demeanour.
They looked on in shock as the two yelled at each other in Mandarin, hardly noticing the eighteen others also watching on, and watching them.
Eventually, one of them stood up and slammed his fist on the table, yelling something in Mandarin. Both Elder Luihong and the other elder stopped their argument, both facing him.
The man who had silenced them looked remarkably different from almost everyone else, the only exception being his comrade sitting at the head of the table with him. Both were noticeably younger than the rest, and wore military uniforms decorated with medals rather than business suits. The one who had interrupted the argument was thin and wore a pair of circular glasses, while the man sitting next to him was both significantly beefier and taller, being almost as tall as his currently-standing confederate while currently being seated.
It was immediately clear who was in charge here.
"B-but, Emperor Puyi…" the Elder began, before being cut off by the man in glasses.
"Sit down, Elder Wei-Lei", said Puyi, having none of it, "and you too, Elder Luihong. We have had enough of this nonsense."
Both Elders shared a look, before looking back at Damien and Loyon, and then walking to the table, sitting themselves down in the two empty seats.
Puyi sat down as well, sighing and rubbing his temples with his fingers. The beefier man looked at him in amusement, before turning to face the couple who stood before them. Puyi, noticing this, looked up at them too.
"We apologise for this. The leaders of the Triad should be more composed, and yet here we are." Puyi said.
The couple shared a look, before Loyon stepped forward, gripping Damien's hand in hers. Damien rubbed her thumb on the back of Loyon's hand in an attempt to reassure her. "Who are you two? I… I feel like I've seen you two before, somewhere…"
The beefier man and Puyi both snorted in amusement. "Ah, where are our manners?" Puyi said, amusement in his tone. "I am Emperor Puyi, and this…" he gestured to his comrade, "is General Zhang Zongchang. We are the leaders of the Triad, you see."
Loyon recoiled a bit in shock at this. "Zhang Zongchang?! As in, the great poet Zhang Zongchang?!"
Zhang smiled wide at this, happy at the recognition. "Indeed. I take it my poems are greatly appreciated nowadays?" he said, amusement in his tone.
Loyon smiled wide, nodding happily. "Yeah, yeah! I loved 'Praying For Rain'! And 'Poem About Bastards'? Truly a certified hood classic, it's your most famous work. Absolutely art in its purest form.", she rambled, clearly excited by the prospect of having met China's greatest poet.
"Ah, yes, I remember. That one really hasn't changed, has it? After all…" Zhang gestured towards Elder Wei-Lei, "He tells me to do this…" he then gestured towards Elder Luihong, "he tells me to do that…", and then spread his arms out, gesturing towards the entire table, "you're all bastards, go fuck your mother!" He ended the poem, as his open palms turned into middle fingers, flipping the bird to both sides of the table.
Loyon let go of Damien's hand, clapping at the poem. Damien still seemed a little baffled, but began to seem amused, while Puyi just shook his head at the display.
"Aight, so, that's a nice poem, for real for real, but what happens to us?" Damien cut in, deciding to get to the bottom of this. "Are we gonna listen to Thick Of It forever? Are you sending us to Ohio?!"
Puyi sighed, raising his hand to gesture at her to stop, cutting off her rant. "There has been a mistake. You see, if it weren't for a certain someone dragging laowai into a conflict they had no involvement in," he shot a look at Elder Wei-Lei, who recoiled before looking down at the table in shame, "then you never would have ended up here."
Zhang nodded his head at this, "This place is for Chinese only. Laowai do not belong in the Land of Yi, and if it weren't for certain unruly bosses losing sight of this rule, they wouldn't."
Almost all of the elders in the room stood up at this, yelling at Puyi and Zhang in Mandarin. Zhang stood up and yelled at them, silencing them as they looked up at the warlord-slash-accomplished poet that towered over them. They all sat back down quickly without another word, with Zhang shaking his head and taking a seat himself.
"Unfortunately, we cannot save you entirely from your fate." Puyi said with a sigh, clearly weary at everyone else's antics. "As non-Chinese, you do not belong here. Rather, you belong in a place more fitting for you both."
"S-so… we haven't been Shanghai'd?" Loyon said, baffling Damien in the process, and ignoring that he hadn't just said that they were returning to the Middle Kingdom. "N-Neo-China… it hasn't arrived from the future? We haven't been Shanghai'd?!"
Puyi stared at her, before shaking his head. "No, young girl, you haven't been Shanghai'd, and Neo-China hasn't arrived."
"Yet." Zhang cut in, with a wolfish grin, looking at Damien and Loyon as if they were prey. "This will happen later, soon. Soon Neo-China will arrive from the future. Soon, all will be Shanghai'd."
Puyi just stared on at this, before nodding his head at them. "Leave through the door you entered from, and you will be brought to a place where your kind belong. You still agreed to the Mahjong game, and you still lost The Game. This is all we can do for you." he told them, with a tinge of regret in his voice at the end.
Damien and Loyon looked at each other. They both knew this was the only choice they had. Even if they had somehow deluded themselves into wanting to listen to Thick Of It (which they both knew would require them to suffer extreme, incomprehensible brain damage), they no longer had a choice.
"We just gotta stick to the sigma grindset, shawty, no cap." Damien said, looking Loyon in the eyes and caressing her cheek with her hand. "It's like they say, gooners never die."
Loyon just stared at her sadly, unable to recoil at her brainrot slang, which broke Damien's heart more than anything. She didn't react not out of liking the brainrot, but due to being too overwhelmed to, which hurt Damien deeply. She wished she could save Loyon from this, just drag her home and cuddle her and protect her from the world, however she had already failed to protect her girl once today, and it had brought them here.
Her girl just reached for Damien's hand, Damien getting the gist and locking hands with her before she could lift her hand up to her own face. They both stared at each other, then nodded, with Damien leading the way as she opened the door and stepped into the void.
The void flashed every colour of the rainbow again, this time showing Hebrew characters within its blinding vomit of colour rather than Chinese. The flashing lasted only a couple of seconds, and Damien and Loyon both noticed that they weren't falling like they had expected, but simply standing in place. The flashing ceased, and a new setting faded into being.
A dark cavern, frosting in some areas, greeted them this time. All around them was hard rock, as if they were at the bottom of a cave. Jagged rocks fell from the ceiling as well as icicles, which stuck in the ground rather than shattering on impact as they should have.
All of a sudden, Damien and Loyon were blinded by a flash of light. Fire. Fire surrounded them, engulfing the entire room with thick smoke and blinding light. They both screamed, hugging each other, clutching the other desperately as if they could protect them from the inferno.
The flames stopped after a few seconds, and as their screams and the crackling of the fire died down and echoed throughout the cavern, it was replaced by a cackling. A high-pitched, mocking cackle, the laugher dominating any other sound that could have been made in the cave.
The laughter died down, and a deep voice cut in, amused and mocking. "Oh, that's always the best part. Gets 'em every time. I really do love this job." the voice said, before emitting a low chuckle.
Our couple turned around, still holding onto each other, to be greeted by an odd figure. A shirtless man with a goatee sat on a large throne, one hand resting to his side while the other had its elbow digging into the armrest of the throne, pointing towards the ceiling. Both hands had their ring and pinky fingers folded while the middle and index fingers were outstretched and pointed, the hand pointing towards the floor having its thumb up as if making a finger-gun while the hand pointing towards the ceiling had its thumb folded as well. Most striking of all were his head and feet, with long horns protruding from his skull, sticking out from the short head of hair. Everything below the belt was as if it had been taken from some sort of bovid, covered in thick brown fur before being capped off by two black hooves where feet should have been.
Satan's piercing golden eyes bore into Damien and Loyon's soul, somehow even more taunting than his vocalisations thus far could have ever hoped to be.
He spread his arms out, and revealed two large bat wings behind him, previously folded and hidden behind his back, as he raised his head and yelled. "Welcome to Hell!"
Damien and Loyon just blinked, before Damien stepped forth with a grin. "Oh, we did get brought to Ohio?" she said, before laughing, holding her hand out for Loyon for a low-five. Loyon just stared at her, even as Damien muttered, "c'mon, c'mon, don't leave me hangin', c'mon," over and over, barely audible. Loyon broke out of her confusion, turning away from Damien in disgust, before walking forward herself.
"So that's it, then? We just get condemned to Hell, end of the line, for losing a game of Mahjong that we didn't have to play to begin with?"
The Devil sighed at Loyon's protests. "Yeah, here is where those who grew up in Christian societies end up, unfortunately. Them's the rules. But don't worry! You won't get the pain spike, or the pit of snakes. I'll send'ya down to the tenth layer of Hell, the layer of Peace and Parties, and you can spend your days in the mosh pi-"
"Enough!" Loyon cut him off, clearly frustrated. "Jeez… you're really just gonna accept this? We shouldn't even be here! Hell is meant to be where you go when you die, right? We weren't killed, we were banished!"
"I mean, if you think about it, dying is just a form of banishme-"
"That is not what I mean and you fucking know it."
"But they're all waiting for you down there! Lilith was so excited to finally see you after hearing of you for so long, oh and Lucy has been itching as well, she's my cis female counterpart, you know, her roommate makes amazing pancakes, truly to die for, hehe…"
Loyon was briefly piqued by the mention of Lilith, but grew incredulous at his talk of Lucy and pancakes. "Ugh, yeah, to die for, when you have to die to get here. Which we! Didn't! DO!" her voice grew in volume, before ending with her yelling at Satan, her patience fully done at that point. "And, wait, what the fuck do you mean? Isn't there only one you?"
Satan just looked at her condescendingly, "Oh, please, with all the different perceptions and cultures? With most deities and supernatural beings, there's more than one. Having a clone of you is weird at first, but you get used to it. Besides, can't shoulder all the workload by yourself, hah!"
She just stared at Satan in response, before groaning again. "Look, I'm psyched to meet Lilith and all, absolutely thrilled, always wanted to be her daughter, but I don't belong here."
"Yeah, well, you're here, even if you didn't die. Them's the breaks, ain't that a bitch?"
Loyon stared at the ground for a moment, before smiling. "Yeah, I suppose I should just accept it. How about we make a deal, then? Just a little one, and it seems you already plan to honour it in any case, just wanna make it official, y'know?"
Satan chuckled in response, his voice changing to that of a woman's, her feminine chuckles seeming more warm than they had previously. "Hah, a deal with the Devil, huh?"
She merely chuckled back, looking at Satan, ignoring Damien's whispers of "Loyon? Loyon, what the…what the fuck are you doing?" and instead focusing on the King of Hell exclusively. "Yep, partly just so I get bragging rights for making a deal with the Devil, if anything."
He just looked back, amused, but less condescending. He had asserted his dominance on the two of them, there was little left to prove. Even with her attitude, they had both clearly given up. "Sure, go on then."
"You take me to meet Lilith, upon my death. You already said she was itching for me to be her daughter, right? I'm more than happy to be one of hers, but of course, that would be between me and her. So I will have to meet her to discuss this." Upon finishing speaking, she stuck her hand out for the devil to shake.
The Devil took her hand and shook it, both of their hands being engulfed in blue flame, which had no effect on Loyon, unable to feel it or be harmed by it. They then released their hands, before locking their pinkies together. "Deal."
They disconnected their pinkies and moved their hands away from each other. Loyon simply turned her back to the Devil and walked towards her girlfriend, her hands in her pockets and looking more smug than she'd ever been in her life. Damien was baffled, and betrayal set in. Had Loyon really just decided to give them both up to Hell?
"Ah. Well, I'll be looking forward to it, Luci." Loyon said, with a blissful sigh. Her smug smile directed at the Devil, who smiled back, resting one of his arms on the armrest of his throne and propping his head up with his hand.
"Hmm? Why wait? Might as well just go now, to honour my deal as soon as possible, no?"
An arm snaked around Damien's waist, pulling her close to her lover, who looked Satan dead in his eyes. As her eyes focused on the girl's face, said girl started tutting.
"Nah, that wouldn't be quite right…"
Her grin, somehow, grew wider, the widest grin Damien had ever seen from her.
"After all, we agreed that I would meet her upon my death."
Damien and Satan's eyes widened, as they both put the pieces together. Damien barked out a laugh, before pointing her finger straight at Satan. "And you admitted that we didn't die!"
The Devil just looked at the floor. Denied, in his head, that he had said that. Realised that no, he had said that. He had shook on that. Made a pinky swear to that. He looked up, before chuckling. His chuckled turned into howling laughter. He eventually stopped laughing and started slow-clapping.
"Bravo! Bravo. It's been too long since someone pulled a fast one on me. I'll admit, I'm impressed."
He paused, before continuing. "I mean, you didn't say anything about not becoming a resident of Hell, or taking you back to Earth, so I could just kill you, or keep you here until you die…" he paused, expecting to drink in the looks of shock or horror on their faces, but finding none. He continued, slightly disappointed by the lack of reaction, "buuuuut, I'll admit you pulled a good one there. So, tell ya what, I'll tell you exactly how to go straight home. You gotta go through the Land of Oni, before going through the Secret Kingdom of Molepeople, which will then lead to Genso-"
"Nononono, quit capping." Damien cut him off, emboldened by their victory against him. "We're not going through any Molepeople, or Oni, or whatever. Just take us home."
Satan seemed peeved about being interrupted, but spoke nonetheless. "Welp, that's the only way you can, guaranteed, go straight back home. It is what it is."
Damien went to object, but footsteps rang in the cavern, a new voice cutting in.
"Hellooooooooo…? A crate of shrimp for Satan?"
A strange-looking man walked into the cavern. He wore a cowboy hat and boots, along with tracksuit pants and a leather jacket. The cowboy hat was unable to completely cover up his mullet. He carried a large wooden crate in his hands, presumably containing the aforementioned shrimp.
With a grunt, the man placed the crate of shrimp down and sat on it, not even noticing that three pairs of eyes were on him. He was completely focused on the Grind.
Loyon's eyes widened. Her arm lifted as she shakily pointed a finger at the man.
"...Kam? You?!"
Satan just raised an eyebrow at this, while Damien spun around to look at her. "Y-you know him?!"
The man just chuckled. "Kam? Now that's a name I haven't heard in years…" he said, before raising his head, tipping his hat in the process. "The name's Jack, professional shrimp mercha-..." he stopped as his eyes trained squarely on Loyon. Suddenly, he jumped up, pointing a finger at her. "E-Eirin?!"
"Oi!" Loyon yelled, stomping her foot. "My name is Loyon, dammit! How many times do I have to tell you?!"
"How many times do I have to tell you that my name is Jack, not Kam!"
The Devil watched them bicker, before clearing his throat. This snapped the bickering… pair, out of their argument.
"How about this, then? This Jackal fellow-"
"It's just Jack, how hard is it?"
"-came here via Earth as well." The Devil said, ignoring Kam's attempt at an interruption. He pulled out a cigar from behind his throne. He stuck it inbetween his lips as he continued speaking.
I'll admit, I can…" He paused to release a small flame from one of his fingers, lighting the end of the cigar. His fingers then gripped it, pulling it out of his mouth and allowing him to let out a puff of smoke. "...sympathise, with your situation. How's about this then? He always wanted to be like Big Boss from Metal Gear, and a soldier, so him getting some combat experience will do the man some good. And if you can beat him, you two get your freedom."
Three pairs of eyes stared at him blankly, all blinking slowly as they comprehended his words, before three people promptly exploded in disbelief.
"HIM??? HIM?!?! LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT DAMIEN!!! AND NOW LOOK AT HIM!!!" Loyon screamed, while gesturing wildly at herself, Damien and Kam. "This isn't a fight, this is a beating!!! WE'LL DIE!!!"
"I can't hit a woman, that's just not right!" Kam shouted, before yelling again, slightly calmer, "besides, I can't murder her, our son would never forgive me!"
The silence at that statement was deafening. You could hear a pin drop in the room. The sound of concrete scraping against concrete was almost physically audible as both Damien and Satan, with eyes like saucers, rotated while perfectly frozen to stare at Loyon and Kam.
Damien just looked hurt, slightly confused. "Y-you what?...y-yo, q-quit capping, haha…" her laugh was clearly to try to hide the hurt, and everyone knew it. "Y-you wouldn't have a son, not with him…r-right Loyon?"
Loyon just looked at the floor, pensive. She spoke slowly. "I-We married briefly f-for tax reasons…w-we didn't like each other that way, we just h-held hands at some point, and then I went to s-sleep that n-night, a-and I w-woke up in the m-morning…"
She stopped for a minute as she felt her girlfriend's hand on her shoulder, Damien looking at her with concern. "L-Loyon, when you were asleep, h-he didn't…"
"I-I woke up…a-and there was an egg underneath the sheets…"
"...what."
"I-I took good care of it, Damien. I-I sang to it, I protected it. I cared about it so much, D-Damien…"
"...for real? On God?"
"I-I sat on it, Damien. I-I sat on it and th-then it hatched a-and I was so happy…I thought it would be a g-girl, I was gonna name her Daisy, b-but it was…"
"It was a boy." Kam cut in. "He is our son, Eirin, and I love him very much."
"I SAT ON HIS EGG!!!" Loyon yelled, already emotionally vulnerable and now triggered by Kam butting in. "I-I love him a lot!!! It-it's not fair!!!"
"He's his own man, Eirin! He can drive if he wants to!!!"
Loyon only looked even more distressed by his words. "I never said I didn't support his dreams!!! I'm proud of him driving, Kam!!! I'm so, so proud!!! But you won't let me see him!!! He needs his mooooooom!!!"
"Bullshit!" Kam yelled, pointing at Loyon. "Back when he became a Valorant player, you hated it! I supported his dreams back then, while you brushed them off!"
"Th-that was different, it-it was a different time… sh-should I really be condemned just for that one time? Y-you were the one who insisted we profit off of it, I-I said I didn't want to take his Valorant m-money, y-yet I'm the bad one?!"
"I was supporting his dreams!"
"His dreams were to Drive, Kam, they always were!!!"
"I just wanted what was best for our family!!"
"You won't let him see his mother!!! I sat on his egg, Kam!!!"
"JACK!"
"THEN YOU CALL ME LOYON!!!"
"ENOUGH!!!"
The voice of the King of Hell bellowed, silencing the divorced couple's argument. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, before slowly opening them and exhaling through his nostrils. Clearly perturbed, or at least emotionally affected in some way by this argument.
"We'll just say that's the fight."
Damien spoke up, "Wait, what? R-really, just like that?"
"...Just like that." Satan nodded. "Ah, whatever. We'll say the argument was the fight, and that Loyon won." Satan then spoke up, louder, with a hint of mockery, as his gaze and head tilted to the side. "After all, just like on the surface, the woman wins the custody battle by default, am I right fellas?"
In the distance, a loud "WHEYYYYY" can be heard, the voices clearly belonging to elderly males.
The devil just looked back to Damien and Loyon, before clarifying "Just gotta keep the local boomers happy. They eat that kinda shit up. Anyway, Kameraad…"
"That's not my name."
"Cheetah, show them to the place where you came from. It'll probably take 'em home. And hey, let her visit her son sometime, huh? I bet he would want to see both his parents."
There was a pause, before Kam just let out an unamused sigh. "Fine, let's go then."
Kam turned and walked away, Damien following and Loyon hesitantly trailing behind. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, as only the sound of footsteps echoed through the cavern, as they walked from the rocky cave into yet another void.
No flashing colours greeted them this time, nor any sense of change. Just walking into nothingness as if it were any other room or location.
Eventually, Kam spoke up. "Hey."
Loyon said nothing, just looking down as she continued to follow Damien rather than actually, specifically following Kam.
"I'm sorry, Eirin. I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship."
"It's fine… it's just, I know it's hard for you too…"
"I should let him see you more, it's just that I didn't ask for this."
"I didn't either, I-you know that I didn't want kids. B-but after I woke up with his egg, I-I just knew I loved him…"
"...maybe you can see him at some point. We do need to meet up again, after all."
Loyon just smiled a bit at this. Kam looked over his shoulder, at Damien.
"This your girl, Eirin?"
"Heh." Damien chuckled, grabbing Loyon's hand. "She's my girl, man."
He just chuckled in response, jokingly putting his hands up. "Don't worry, don't worry. We never really felt that way about each other. All of this was unintentional, you know."
They arrived at what would almost seem like a corridor if it wasn't still in the void. Within the pitch black were lines of doors, both to the left and right, as if it were a narrow hallway. Kam slapped his palm on one door, using his other hand to point at it.
"This door is what you're looking for. It apparently takes those that walk through it to where they 'really' need to go.", he said, miming air quotes in the process. "In almost all cases, that's just their home, so I'm sure it'll be all good."
"Are you not going through it?" Loyon asked, confused.
"Heh. Nah. Hell has plenty of realms on Earth, and it happens that I reside in one of 'em." He said, making his way over to one of the doors. He looked above it, at a flag with two sky blue vertical lines surrounding a white line, with an odd symbol in the middle of it, before nodding to himself. "Welp, I'll take my leave. Hit me up when you get home, Eirin. See ya 'round, girl."
"Heh. Later, Kam. So long, space cowboy." Loyon responded, as Kam opened the door. She could see some sort of jungle as he stepped through the door, shutting it behind him.
Damien and Loyon stared at the door Kam had departed through. Then, of course, they shared a look. They had looked at each other's eyes many times today, not even the first time they stepped through a door related to the void in some way, stepped into the unknown together. And yet, rather than being scared, this time they allowed themselves to be hopeful as they joined hands again.
Without a word, this time Loyon was the first to go, as they both walked through another door into the unknown…
A beautiful forest snapped into view. Twigs snapped underneath their feet as they emerged into the forest. Damien looked back and there was no longer a door.
Through the chirping of birds, a faint mumbling could be heard. Damien and Loyon looked at each other, nodded, and set off towards it. They weren't home, after all. And apparently, this is where they "needed" to be.
After just a minute of walking, they made it through the trees. They gazed upon a small stone oratory, worn with age. It had moss in some places, clearly wasn't very well-kept. There were no paths leading to it. And yet, in front of it, a single figure crouched.
Mumbling in what sounded like French could be heard, as a figure draped in a camouflage cloak prayed. Crouched in front of the small oratory, their voice was barely audible, making it a miracle that Damien and Loyon had even heard it to begin with. Even kneeling, they were almost as tall as Damien.
Damien looked over to Loyon, whose grip on her hand had slackened. In her eyes, Damien saw pure awe.
Another person that Loyon recognised, and Damien didn't know about.
Loyon slowly, shakily, approached the person, careful not to disturb them. She stopped a couple steps short of them, standing over them as they prayed.
The prayer stopped, clearly finished rather that Loyon having cut it short. The person stood up, towering over both Loyon and Damien, before turning around.
Loyon gasped as a pair of kind eyes looked down upon her, behind large, circular lenses. She slowly fell to her knees, tears forming in her eyes.
She began weeping, openly, in front of the person. Damien tentatively approached her, unsure of what to do. She knew that Loyon had been unable to cry for years now, and yet here the floodgates had opened.
She recognised this individual as well, with Loyon having told her about them.
The figure in the zipped up boiler suit and gas mask got back on their knees, in front of Loyon. A gloved hand reached into their cloak, pulling out a small flower crown, clearly made by hand. Two gloves hands slowly, carefully approached Loyon's head, surgically placing it on her.
As Loyon weeped, Le Loyon's hands reached her red face, caressing it and wiping her hot tears away. The Phantom of Maules' voice was high pitched and laced with kindness and affection, as they spoke to the girl.
"It's okay. Welcome home, my daughter. Welcome home."
