Story Still here, read my failed CTB experience

[WornOutLife]

Almost two weeks ago I posted THIS THREAD explaining that I was finally ready to leave, and did! However... Things were not as planned. (Unless I'm a ghost typing )

So, it was like this:

- I had 60 pills in sips (naproxeno, lamotriigina, clonazepam, aripiprazol and carbamazepina)

-Then after being dizzy, I go to my rope and start the partial hanging act.

-Everything was going fine. I was losing both my oxygen and consciousmess but then...

20 hours had gone by and my father found me. I was not in the rope. I was lying NAKED (wtf) on my bedroom's floor and unconscious so, still alive. (It seems becaise of the pills, i unconsciouly removed the rope but i don't get the naked part.)


Immediatly, he gets an ambulance and takes me to the nearest hospital. I was in a comma for 20 hours and then i finally woke up and I WAS SCARED AS FUCK because there were two masked individuals putting like a tube on my throat and something smaller in my penis. I started crying, I thought they were really aliens who had abducted me but nah, they were just doctors, desintoxicating me.

So, I get a room and end up as a suicidal patient with a fuckedup stomach but guess what? How things could get worse? Well, i'll tell you...
....
...

I GOT THE FUCKING CORONAVIRUS TOO! THEY DISCOVERED IT YESTERDAY! JUST WHEN I WAS THINKING LIFE COULD NOT BE SO BAD.

I cried and cried and I really hope I haven't infected my family with this virus

What's my future now? Well, first I have to fully recover myself and then they'll send me yo a mental facility in order to "cure" my suicidal thoughts and bipolarity. I might be there for months but I'll just deal with it because surprisingly, I wanna live now and put things in order because of my failed suicide attempt.

bonus: when i was in comma, it was just darkness and no sound at all but it was as if i could move. So strange. Anyway, I'm almost 100% that there is nothing after death so, at least for now, I'll give life a shot.

Thanks for reading me,


Matt

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Hey Matt,

You've gone through hell, but I'm glad you've found a desire to live after all this.

I'm wishing you a swift recovery from the virus and hope things turn around for the better in your life.

 

[inactive]

I WAS SCARED AS FUCK because there were two masked individuals putting like a tube on my throat and something smaller in my penis. I started crying, I thought they were really aliens who had abducted me

I apologise but I have never gone from feeling secondhand terror to laughing my ass off so quickly before.

This sounds like a nightmarish experience, though. I'd be traumatised for sure.

Glad to hear you're in an improved mental state now.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Thanks for taking the time to share your story, bud. I hope it helped you to get it all out there. I totally understand how a failed suicide attempt can make you think/feel/understand that you really want to live after all, hopefully this feeling is more permanent for you than it was for me. Also, this might just be an important cautionary tale, about why its important to not get all fucked up on drugs and/or alcohol before an attempt, if a person is really committed to ctb...it seems to bring the success rate way down instead of having the intended effect of making it easier and more painless. Thanks again for sharing my friend, best wishes to you

 

[WornOutLife]

I apologise but I have never gone from feeling secondhand terror to laughing my ass off so quickly before.

This sounds like a nightmarish experience, though. I'd be traumatised for sure.

Glad to hear you're in an improved mental state now.

Lol it's okay! Even I tell that part in a funny way now. What's more, at that moment I couldn't speak because of the anesthesia. I really thought I was going to be mutilated by the green men hahaha

 

[Deardaddy]

Those pills taken was anti suicidal . I must say it saved you, you tripped and saved yourself

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about all of the ordeals you've been through. Whatever you do moving forward, I wish the best and peace in your recovery efforts.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I wanna live now and put things in order because of my failed suicide attempt.

I really hope things work out for you.
I know it's kind of the status quo to be anti pro-life and pessimistic here, and I can understand it as I'm not exactly pro-life or optimistic most of the time, but it is refreshing to hear of someone 'overcoming' their difficulties after an ordeal and wanting to give life another shot.

 

[Leaving Logically]

I do hope you feel better soon. And since you've decided to live, I guess your comma was merely a brief pause.

 

[MartyByrde]

Damn, man. That's some shit to go through. I hope you're able to heal, and treatment for your bipolar is effective for its management. I imagine this is a bizarre, scary experience, but try not to worry.

 

[I screwed up]

Glad u r OK now .. Hope recover from covid 19 ... Take care of yourself buddy

 

[IrRegularjoe]

You could have been naked because your body overheated.

 

[Downandout182]

I too failed partial a couple of times o wish it would have given me the desire to live that you have been blessed with. Enjoy your life mate.

 

[PJFord]

Thank you for sharing this. Wishing you peace on whatever path you take. I think this is the fear most of us have, doing everything right and still having someone find us. In fact, it's the only thing preventing me from CTB as I want to make sure I've done all I need to do to be successful.

 

[F#minor]

I'm so sorry for the suffering that brought you to try this, and for the added trauma at being found, the trauma at the hospital, and now corona. What a nightmare. On the other hand, I'm so grateful that you have another chance and are feeling a new interest in sticking life out further. I wish you a path that leads to your most fulfilled, most realized self possible, wherever that path may lead.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Now that's a crazy ride ......

 

[Meditation guide]

- I had 60 pills in sips (naproxeno, lamotriigina, clonazepam, aripiprazol and carbamazepina)

-Then after being dizzy, I go to my rope and start the partial hanging act.

-Everything was going fine. I was losing both my oxygen and consciousmess but then...

20 hours had gone by and my father found me. I was not in the rope. I was lying NAKED (wtf) on my bedroom's floor and unconscious so, still alive. (It seems becaise of the pills, i unconsciouly removed the rope but i don't get the naked part.)

This is what scares me, the idea you can unconsciously save yourself. I can imagine myself doing that. You're lucky you don't have brain damage. It sounds like it turned out for the best for you so I'm glad you are ok!

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I do hope you feel better soon. And since you've decided to live, I guess your comma was merely a brief pause.

I don't think anyone caught that, but I did.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story OP. I hope you recover from the virus soon. Stay healthy.