I'm amazed sometimes at the people who want to die and have tried for like, twenty plus more years to see if things get better. I realistically don't think I could ever wait that long to see if things change. I feel if I did, I'd just get comfortable with staying and would suffer even deeper because I forced myself to stay. Every day I'd just wallow in misery, and then I'd feel I have gotten too old to even try another attempt again and I'd just be tired. I'm already at the point I feel my stay has been extended too much as is. I just don't know how so many have lasted that long, "waiting" to see if the life changing event would ever arrive for them where they'd enjoy living again. I feel personally that that is just not realistic if your situation is incredibly horrid.
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blackwidow
Road to nowhere
- Aug 12, 2022
- 231
I feel your pain.. it's like the saying.. All good things come to those who wait.. urmmm so when exactly will that be then lol.. I guess because ctb is so final that it has to be a decision taken really seriously as thes no going back.. People have good and bad days.. more bad than good in alot of cases.. maybe the good days keep them from ctb.. and the unknown of what just may be round the next corner so to speak.. I've seen people on here for years, and that's a good thing, they obviously find some solace from this forum.. it's not all about ctb from how I see it... I played a game on here last night and it was actually fun! takes your mind off things and hopefully the others that were playing too... and so another day and night passes by. you may find that you also begin to realise that the is no time limit on ctb, take each day as it comes. take care
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 42,571
I feel like choosing to stay alive is just prolonging suffering. I find it horrifying the thought of existing for many more decades. I could never see a point to enduring life when instead I could be peacefully not existing. Non existence is ideal as it's freedom from all problems and suffering, there is nothing negative about being dead. I think that a lot of people who choose to endure life in horrible situations are only here as suicide is difficult for them and/or they don't want to hurt others. I think that if there was an option to completely disappear and erase our existence then most people would probably take it.
Gaga786
The Odds Are Never In My favour
- May 3, 2020
- 470
I just couldn't deal with it. The thought of everyone else living their lives to the fullest, while your trapped seems unbearable to me. Everyone will be getting married, getting a job, having children while ill be stuck in this living hell- not moving forward.
LowLevelChimp
Just your average pos
- Jul 18, 2022
- 62
I agree with OP, I'm getting on in years but managed to override my mental and physical illness with alcoholism, since getting sober and facing my past the desire to exit this life has just grown. I feel that if I keep trying for that new life I'm just going to be constantly living in a state of waiting and disappointment, I made a sh*t attempt at ctb this week and I'm really wondering if I'm destined to be one of those who suffers for the rest of my days.
Living in my country into old age knowing that society rejects me because of my past fills me with dread and having a few chronic illnesses means I'm unlikely to be in any sort of good shape to live well. I see lots of further complications on the horizon that will mean further suffering while my acquaintances live well on good pensions and without the chronic problems.
I hope to try ctb again later this week but this time following the correct procedure, my mental fortitude is waning these days so time is running out.
Living in my country into old age knowing that society rejects me because of my past fills me with dread and having a few chronic illnesses means I'm unlikely to be in any sort of good shape to live well. I see lots of further complications on the horizon that will mean further suffering while my acquaintances live well on good pensions and without the chronic problems.
I hope to try ctb again later this week but this time following the correct procedure, my mental fortitude is waning these days so time is running out.
Why have you just described my life experience? Hmmm, the power of this forum...
Same. I lost the person I wanted to marry and have kids with. To this day I still love him and moving on is impossible. I'm trapped with feelings, and all alone. Everyone is celebrating the love in their lives and I'm just empty. I don't want to do more years like this
I can imagine being in another country only makes it harder. I'm in the US and I fucking hate it here. While we have privileges, to get a leg up in life here you need to essentially be born into success and no matter how hard the average person tries, they will never be in a better position career wise without knowing the right people. I too am so overwhelmed seeing others succeed as I stay stagnant and depressed. I just want to die and am eagerly awaiting my date
hellispink
poisonous
- May 26, 2022
- 1,229
Sadly for those, nothing changes just because one sits to wait for it. If we are okay with injustice and pain, we must acknowledge how to live with it without waiting for magical events to come to our door and offer us some relief from this horrid place. This is hell, one decides if stays or not. But the reality is good things only await for those who step on others or use/mistreat them for it. I am not willing to be one of those people. I just wanna be out in dignity.
