Starting to wonder if I am cut out to be an adult

[Sleepdrifter]

I've always been fiercely independent and demanded to myself that I will make it on my own but recent events have made me question this. I am stuck in an endless psychological loop of wanting to take charge of my life and realising I am completely out of my league. I have no friends or family, no guidance or direction, nothing to do these days apart from get drunk or wander around town, and virtually all my coping strategies are exhausted.

The hardest thing is desperately wanting to do something about the situation then knowing this isn't possible without help. Then feeling even more isolated. There are barely any social groups here and I come from a background of poverty so getting help and meeting others is crazy difficult. It's everything, practical things such as a reference for a job, a referee for university, a gurantour for a flat, or abstract things such as knowing your place in society, what's generally expected of you, having a cup of tea with just someone.

I used to go on reddit and try to explain this and people there just couldn't understand that not everything can be googled on the internet. And the solution to everything is being a money-making go-getter (though they can never vouch for an example of when this has worked). I have literally nothing to do all day apart from sit around online anyway. This causes me so much suffering I am going through painkillers like crazy. Without any place in the world or anything to do it's like being effectively retired. And yet I'm expected to take charge of myself???

If there is the expectation that I have to sort myself out and no opportunity to actually do this alone then why am I sticking around? Having bad options all the time isn't choice it's just more poverty. All I want is a job beyond basic entry level and not be forced to spend 100 % of my free time in isolation. I am so sick of this.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I have a lot in common with you. This is even rougher for you being in poverty :( I hope things can improve for you step by step.

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

If u do a basic entry level job for up to 1 year or even half a year, you would have a decent reference for your next job.

And perhaps when it comes to interpersonal relationships, getting to know your colleagues helps too, provided you like them in the first place.

 

[Pluto]

I don't think we were meant to 'make it' on our own. I've more or less achieved that but it has ended up causing my downfall anyway. Facing the prospect of dying old and alone, a lack of shared memories to look back on, the sheer emptiness of mere material possessions, and the shame of being an outcast. It is worth investing attention in developing social skills/confidence as well as getting your foot in the door of the world of employment. A lot of subtle things like nonverbal communication adds up to a huge difference in life.

 

[whywere]

I so understand where you are coming from. I was kicked out by my "parents" at 18 and lived in my car for a little while till I got my feet on the ground. Now this was in 1974, reference point as the internet along without "new" tech was not around. I wondered "what the heck am I to do?" and was lucky enough to get a job in farm related sales as I came off of a working dairy farm.

Damn hard and no two ways about it, BUT...BUT I preserved and finally got my own apartment and at the ripe old age of 24 went to college.

Now, please do not jump all over me as I 100% know everyone is different and has different situations to deal with, BUT YOU ARE going to be a AWESOME adult, at the age of 65, reference point again for this post, I did not go to any schooling, college, at 18 like an overwhelming part of my high school class did at the time, did not have any money and quite frankly not the desire to put myself into that kind of pressure.

You are a loving, caring and so thoughtful of a soul, heck your post screams that! and you are finding your way, I did back in the 1970's and I did things that were right for me and NOT follow the Croud and/or do what anyone thought I should do. I am an individual and not a herd mentality person who does things to satisfy others and in turn make myself miserable.

Always remember, that you are smart, kind, caring and are going to be awesome in your own space and time.

This is near and dear to my heart because I went through this over forty years ago and it is still fresh in my memory, and I truly want the very best for you!!

All my best to you as you spread your wings in the sunshine my good friend!!

Walter