Venting Starting to not feel as guilty about leaving friends and family.

[Scriptchick55]

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting on here I'm very shy even online so please bear with me as this is very out of my comfort zone. I've wanted to ctb since I was 15 when my father was stupidly allowed to come back into my life after being gone 13 years. But I stuck around for my family specifically my mother and of course SI. I don't find any good reason to stick around for them anymore. I'm not punishing them but none of them show up for me the way I show up for them. Same with my friends. Everyone just uses me to vent, complain, and the occasional punching bag because why not I'm easy I never stand up for myself All my siblings have chose their abusive significant others over me and unfortunately themselves and their children. It's hard to watch. My mother hates when I talk about ctb but she's essentially doing the same thing. Refuses to see a doctor, takes my meds refuses to go out and get her own. She can be sitting around with cancer for all we know but it's a problem when I want to get out of here! I don't know when I'll make my exit tbh I always said 45 if things don't get better I'm 27 now, at this rate I'll just move it up to 30. It's feels a little freeing to not care that much about how my friends and family feels I hope that does not make me a shitty person.

 

[m56sl]

I stuck around for my mother as I remember her response to my first CTB try which I didn't want to see again. She's gone now, my father's gone, my dogs are all gone. I have a partner that is much younger but he needs to move on with his life which I suspect I'm not helping. In the end we have to do what is right for us and not those around us. You can't be satisfied just doing that.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you want to CTB

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel relieved about not caring about others feelings, as I know that many people struggle with the thought of leaving someone behind. I do believe that ctb can potentially be easier the less things that people have to hold them back from going through with it. But those people do sound tiring to deal with and the way that you feel is understandable. I wish you the best.

 

[Scriptchick55]

I really appreciate all your responses it helped a lot thank you

 

[Lonerzepam]

I'm just sticking around cuz of my sister. And I have a bit of hope left but it's not much really. I know she couldn't handle it if I was gone. Neither would I. I'm sorry for how you've been treated. I know what it's like. I guess ctb would be much easier not having to worry about leaving loved ones behind. I hope things turn around for you for the better. I mean it's still 3 years till 30 right :)