Starting a new job

[MichaelNomad123]

I'm starting a new job in a few hours. I have lied about my experience and references, however I am expecting to be trained all the same. I am extremely anxious about it. The shift should be relatively short and I have a handler for all 6 hours. I have been going through an incredibly stressful time right now and it's compounded by a flare up of stress-related eczema. I can tell you that I am not in my best shape, but I'm going to try. It's going to be fucking difficult, but unlike most things in my life, I'm going to try.

Related to this, I finally got my conclusion from my ex-wife as to our marriage. About 100 emails, 40 pounds worth of text messages to another country, 2 phone calls and 1 three minute voicemail to another country later, I have my answer. She doesn't love me. She wouldn't give me an absolute conclusion because that's the way she is. She said that there can be no reconcilliation anymore, after my harsh words, but that is a tease. There never was. It's a power play, and the fact she is dangling that in front of me is frustrating but not entirely unexpected. I will take my small win and attempt to move on, although I expect this relationship will dictate a lot of my decisions for the next hefty period of my life. If I make it that far.

I can say that I am not in a good place today. I crave death and I am having a difficult time seeing the future, but I walk on all the same. The first day at a job is the worst, typically, so maybe afterwards I will feel better. We'll see, I guess.

That's all. Thanks for listening strangers.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Good luck on your new job today.
If you ever need or want to talk, I'm an insomniac :)

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Good luck on your new job today.
If you ever need or want to talk, I'm an insomniac :)

Thanks buddy. Sure, I might take you up on that.

 

[Silvermorning]

I'm proud of you, really, i can only imagine how difficult all of this is; hopefully the stress of all these changes will pass in a couple weeks.

 

[Emily_Numb]

You've been through the mill is seems. I really hope your new job goes well today/tomorrow and be sure to give us an update!

I hope you're like me and just dream up the worst possible scenario in your head for everything like starting a new job with strangers, but when it comes to it, it's rarely as awful as my crazy mind created. In usually pleasantly surprised. I know I do this totally bonkers mind game with myself but it doesn't stop me dreaming up these scenarios.

Sending you good vibes for tomorrow.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 

[Sherri]

Here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Good luck, you'll be alright. First days are always nerve wrecking but after the shift is over you gonna feel fine.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Good luck! I'm sure you will let us know how it goes.

 

[Mark Edward]

I'm sorry about the loss of your marriage.
Best to let it go. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.
Crack on with the new job. Little wins at work are great for fighting bad thoughts.
I too felt self hate and ideation three years ago, but I fought it.
Battle on, brother.

 

[greebo6]

You sound like a strong person to keep going and now start this new job when things are so difficult .I'm impressed. Well done !
I just wanted to wish you all the best with the new job and the future. Good luck .
And sorry to hear about your marriage. I hope you find love again.

 

[Weather]

So, how did your first day go?

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Not great, not awful. I wasn't expected to do much and overall, I'm very comfortable with the sort of duties I am expected to perform. My co-workers are all very capable, but clearly overworked. I find them all very pleasant at least so far. I am concerned that that might change if I don't start to develop a level of competence soon. I came away from the experience feeling a dull optimism, but I am still pretty bewildered as to what my day looks like. I'm working in a residential care home, so normally this wouldn't bother me so much but since it is what it is, I feel bad not being able to pull my weight yet. I'm hoping that by the end of tomorrow, I have a better idea of what the hell I'm doing.

There are big responsibilities such as taking residents to the bathroom, taking them down the stairs and otherwise. I'm okay with these, but because I haven't done them yet, I am nervous about it. Furthermore they are on a rota that I don't know about, so I don't actually know who needs showered or who needs what, when. There is a level of organized chaos that I'm not attuned to yet, so it all feels very overwhelming. There is one of my co-workers whom works full time there and she is on my shift tomorrow again. This woman is a fucking ROCK. I appreciate that she's there so much. I think that I wouldn't have been able to do it if she wasn't.

I have some anxieities today. Some residents need help changing their clothes but I'm not sure who. We did one guy in the morning and that was fine. Most of the adults are in diapers, but I don't recall this particular man being in one. As I said, I'm not sure who needs my attention in the mornings and who doesn't. There is a bed changing rota and that is clear, but as for getting residents up and out of bed, it isn't clear to me who needs the most of my time and who doesn't.

Interacting with the residents has been fine, but I'm not sure who needs to bathroom and when. The residents are all at different levels of "lucidity". I had a chat with a few on my rounds yesterday.

Overall, I'm probably? In a better state than I was yesterday. I slept like garbage, but I guess I'm up now. I think today will be a long one and I don't feel that prepared. I feel sad and every ounce of my being is telling me to drop everything, grab my bag and walk to the other side of the country. My social anxiety is through the roof and my eczema is itchy as fuck. I'm craving my first cigarette in 4 years. I am questioning why I am even trying and I don't really have an answer for that. I guess it just is what it is and I am because I am. I'm tired as hell and there is little relief.

TLDR: People are good. Job is hard. No idea what the fuck I'm doing. That sucks, but lets see how day 2 goes before I make any bad decisions

 

[Weather]

Breathe, my friend. There is *always* a learning curve to any new job, even if you are highly qualified. Ask for help when you need it (it sounds like your colleagues are good), and be methodical. You can do this!

 

[sufferingalways]

Hi, there's not much I can add, just take deep breaths and like someone else above said ask for help when you need it.
Maybe m ask the Rock lady if you can get a printed Rota so you can get your day organised? That may help as they see you taking initiative. I usually ask questions to get my footing at a new job.
Best of luck, take it one day at a time. Rooting for you.

Hi, there's not much I can add, just take deep breaths and like someone else above said ask for help when you need it.
Maybe ask the Rock lady if you can get a printed Rota so you can get your day organised? That may help as they see you taking initiative. I usually ask questions to get my footing at a new job.
Best of luck, take it one day at a time. Rooting for you.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Day 2. Feeling pretty anxious. I'm mostly just focusing on the commute and putting the rest on ice. I'm sure the day will fly in, but I am a bit concerned about some of the details. As always I want to run and hide, but I think if I am not prepared to kill myself then in order to make any progress I have to do this. Maybe after today I will feel better. If not, then I might have a problem and have to consider backing out of the job. This is a problem because then I can't get out of here and can't recover.

 

[whywere]

Rooting for you all the way!!! You will do GREAT! Take care global family member!

 

[goodbyebunny]

You're doing great.

 

[woxihuanni]

Treat all colleagues with the awareness that they may become enemies if they smell blood. Never depreciate yourself, say anything unncessary or risky, keep up a positive front. Those rocks have a tendency to roll over you.

Life, including the workplace, is just swimming with sharks.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Day 2 went great. My colleagues were excellent and I got to bring some of the residents down by myself and I did a great job. Unfortunately I woke up with a migraine and then had an altercation with my mother resulting in me not going to work. I wrote my letter of resignation and send it to my manager. She was shocked and asked me for the full story. I gave her it and she decided to keep me on the books in case I am ever in a situation that I can work there. They're so nice.

So, here I am. I feel on the brink. I'm tired of never getting help or advice. I am often extremely level and positive until I'm not. I guess I'm emotionally explosive like that. I have no plan as of yet. My options are:

• Homelessness to force the hand of social housing into giving me somewhere to live, but there is no guarantee as to when that would be. I have been homeless before so this is the most appealing option, if a little scary and depressing.
• Homelessness while traveling, like being a vagabond. This is something that has been on my mind for a long time. I have always dreamed it would be with someone else, but I can do it myself too. The problems with it are that we're approaching winter and it gets pretty cold at night. It also rains a lot here in Ireland. It's also just kind of a huge step.
• Book a hotel and hang myself or post here for a partner for something of the same.
• Look into University to study Fine Arts, since I'm just not cut out for the real world. I have a long-term fantasy of just teaching at a University. The issue with this is that my commute will be difficult, I will be in debt and I have absolutely no idea how to do any of those loans or signing up for University (UK) or so on. No one in my family has ever gone to University and I have no friends. I've looked at google and stuff but it's all terribly overwhelming.

There are other options, but these are the most likely candidates. I am upset but it's also more of the same for me. My life since leaving school at 16 has been a junkyard of failed starts and crappy relationships.

 

[greebo6]

Very sorry to hear it turned out like that. Its a pity but its good they kept you on the books . Hope something works out soon.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm not sure if this is something that would fit you, but my son lives in an Emmaus. It's for anyone who is at a point in life where help/ a place to live or purpose in life is needed.

My boy is happy there. And that's quite something if you consider that in April 2019 he was homeless, a college dropout , severely depressed, an alcoholic well on his way to an early death. I think the pro"s are ,a reason to get out of bed,a place for yourself, food, but most of all, company.

You seem so lost and lonely, but a smart strong guy. I'm so sorry life is that unfair to you.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

I

I'm not sure if this is something that would fit you, but my son lives in an Emmaus. It's for anyone who is at a point in life where help/ a place to live or purpose in life is needed.

My boy is happy there. And that's quite something if you consider that in April 2019 he was homeless, a college dropout , severely depressed, an alcoholic well on his way to an early death. I think the pro"s are ,a reason to get out of bed,a place for yourself, food, but most of all, company.

You seem so lost and lonely, but a smart strong guy. I'm so sorry life is that unfair to you.

I didn't know places like this existed. I'm in N.Ireland, but I could absolutely travel to one. This is actually really helpful. Thank you.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I

I didn't know places like this existed. I'm in N.Ireland, but I could absolutely travel to one. This is actually really helpful. Thank you.

If you want I can pm you a link to the one in your country

 

[Disappointered]

Day 2 went great. My colleagues were excellent and I got to bring some of the residents down by myself and I did a great job. Unfortunately I woke up with a migraine and then had an altercation with my mother resulting in me not going to work. I wrote my letter of resignation and send it to my manager. She was shocked and asked me for the full story. I gave her it and she decided to keep me on the books in case I am ever in a situation that I can work there. They're so nice.

So, here I am. I feel on the brink. I'm tired of never getting help or advice. I am often extremely level and positive until I'm not. I guess I'm emotionally explosive like that. I have no plan as of yet. My options are:

• Homelessness to force the hand of social housing into giving me somewhere to live, but there is no guarantee as to when that would be. I have been homeless before so this is the most appealing option, if a little scary and depressing.
• Homelessness while traveling, like being a vagabond. This is something that has been on my mind for a long time. I have always dreamed it would be with someone else, but I can do it myself too. The problems with it are that we're approaching winter and it gets pretty cold at night. It also rains a lot here in Ireland. It's also just kind of a huge step.
• Book a hotel and hang myself or post here for a partner for something of the same.
• Look into University to study Fine Arts, since I'm just not cut out for the real world. I have a long-term fantasy of just teaching at a University. The issue with this is that my commute will be difficult, I will be in debt and I have absolutely no idea how to do any of those loans or signing up for University (UK) or so on. No one in my family has ever gone to University and I have no friends. I've looked at google and stuff but it's all terribly overwhelming.

There are other options, but these are the most likely candidates. I am upset but it's also more of the same for me. My life since leaving school at 16 has been a junkyard of failed starts and crappy relationships.

Did they ask you to leave or did you feel it wasn't something you could do?

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Did they ask you to leave or did you feel it wasn't something you could do?

Neither. I didn't go in, wrote them a letter and we did some follow up emails and that was that.

 

[Disappointered]

but were they going to keep you?

 

[MichaelNomad123]

but were they going to keep you?

Yes. She kept me on their books. I was good at the job.

 

[WinterIsComing]

How can you fake experience and referrals?the thing is when you didn't have a job afyer a long time because of deprrssion but want to try....is not a topic you hear people talk about.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

How can you fake experience and referrals?the thing is when you didn't have a job afyer a long time because of deprrssion but want to try....is not a topic you hear people talk about.

I lived abroad for 3 years. I used that as my platform. Even if you haven't lived abroad for any amount of time, you can still lie about it. I gave 2 fake names, 2 fake emails that I created with Outlook and Gmail and 2 fake numbers. Most employers will not bother phoning a foreign number. If they do and you get called out, then it's no big deal. You just move onto the next job. My employer emailed my 2 fake references and I wrote my own references. One was a personal and one was a professional.

A lot of minimum wage jobs don't check references, but they do need the information to fill out a form that they send off. All you need to do is put them on the bottom of your C.V. and have the emails set up. Make sure that your work experience has no gaps. If you're like me, then there are significant gaps inbetween employments. If I don't have a good excuse for it, I tell them I was trying to start up my own business and also write that in my C.V. (which isn't a lie -- but that doesn't matter).

I only applied for jobs that I was confident that I could do without extensive experience. So retail, cleaning, care work and logistics. Most employers will train you anyway. If you have a positive attitude towards learning, then you'll pick it up quickly. The chances are that if you're socially anxious and depressed then you're smarter than the average person anyway. Remember that employers vastly over rate the skills required for their jobs. Ignore all job descriptions and just apply. The interview is all that matters. It took me about 1 month to get this job using this method, but realistically that was more like 2 weeks because they don't start taking interviews until the job application is taken down.

Oh and all this advice is just assuming that you have absolutely no one in your life like I do. I have to do everything myself. If you have someone that would be willing to be a fake reference for you, then that's infinitely easier than all of the above. You just brief them about the job that will be contacting them. There are a lot of guides online about what a reference needs to say and do, but it's really not that difficult at all.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I'm so sorry it didn't go as you hoped. If I may ask, why did you resign? Its a shame after the positive experience you had there, however brief.