started doing physical activity

[stillunemployed]

It's not much. It's just walking around in circles for a few hours every day, maybe some running. It's does not make me feel better, or "good", or get a "runners high" or whatever.

I am just completely aimless. I am 34, I have no marketable skills, I am too anxious to get a job as I cannot stand people. I just do not trust any one not to fuck me over just for fun.
I can't throw myself under a train, because It's just too daunting, I already survived hangings and similar methods, my neck is just too thick. I don't have access to any medicine or chemicals.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Weed has absolutely no effect anymore, music or games or shows or movies just do not entice me. It's all just grey slush now.
Every day the anxiety gets worse. I wake up and my mind screams at me:
"Why are you still alive? Why aren't you buried in a ditch somewhere?"
I'm not involved in any therapy. I do not understand why any one would be want to be a "Therapist" without having some sort of ulterior motive for exploitation.

I don't know why anyone would be reading this. My feet hurt a lot now. Does any one know if they stop after a while or is it just another thing I have to get used to.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Maybe you have Anhedonia like me ?
People with Anhedonia lack the ability to feel enjoyment from anything.
Sorry you are going through this.

 

[whatevs]

The scariest thing is how when you go and get a job as an obvious nervous wreck it's very easy to be lumped together with scum that will in fact fuck you over for fun. It happened to me.

 

[carac]

A good amount of exercise can help reduce tension and anxiety, start off small and build up. There are lots of other things you can do, just find out what works for you. Unfortunately watching TV and playing video games often doesn't work to relax and reduce anxiety, as I found out to my detriment.

Your feet may hurt due to the tension in your body, hopefully it will get better if you pesevere

 

[cami]

i can definitely relate to the walking in circles. on the therapist note, their motive is usually money but that doesn't mean they can't be good at their job at the same time. it could be worth a shot. wishing you good luck in your life.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I find runners high only kicks in after extreme push through, going and going till almost destruction.

Hill climbing if possible is good, throw a heavy sack on and say "time to suffer"

Atleast thats how i go about it, find a challenge on the go, reach that boulder, reach that peak, drop into the valley and climb the next hill for a snack.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

Everything just feels the same I don't get no more enjoyment from anything if you got some advice please let me know.

 

[LittleJem]

I think the feet hurting will go away if you keep up the walking. I am 'speed-walking' 30 mins a day for cardio exercise. It needs to be at 3.5/4 mph, whatever gets you a little breathless. Yep, it has not cured my depression or agitation. The thing that is helping a bit is my current meds or I wouldn't have the energy.

Anxiety js horrible. Sorry you are suffering so much..

 

[3SVEAN]

Honesty in my opinion I see therapy like a job they are literally getting /paid/ to talk to you, doesn't that seem fucked up? they are getting paid to discuss your problems with you and the only reason they are doing it is for money. Doing physical activities such as walking around helps a lot, even moving or standing up means a lot, doing things like planks, sit ups, bridges, crunches, russian twists, or anything like that can keep your day going if you feel unmotivated to do anything do around 15 of any of those every day see it like something to check off in a way it helps making you feel like your being active, and a boost of dopamine afterwards when the burning sensations stop : D