S

ShellofmyFormerSelf

Member
Oct 4, 2020
44
Does anyone have the same problem, where when you're outside, people think you're staring at them. Sure, it wouldn't be so bad if whenever it happened, I didn't get this gut feeling to turn my head away and feel deep guilt. It's uncomfortable. When I'm in public, I've got to keep looking elsewhere but wherever I'm comfortable. So if I want to naturally gaze at scenery, or look through a shop window I can't...

It might be in your head! I wish it were! My boyfriend notices it too! He says they're blank looks... I keep on trying to remind myself they're blank looks... it doesn't help.

You might question why I'm posting this on SS. Well, this has burdened me for years and causes psychological discomfort. In fact, it's so hard to get rid of this... phenomenon that keeps on happening. I want to lift my head up and just stare them down, I want to casually ask "hey, what are you looking at?" or even just mention that I'm not looking at them and it's okay. Like a pre-warning. But the way my brain works, is that it will keep making me look away, or stare at the ground, or look anywhere else. So tackling the issue head on causes me discomfort too.

It doesn't help that it is constant. I could be looking past someone and have someone stare me down. Sometimes it makes me almost lose my mind, where I maniacally claim that I don't care anymore I'm going to stare at everyone and nobody can stop me. But that doesn't happen...

For 20 years. I just want to relax and live. It has become paranoia, because it doesn't stop!

At times I genuinely want to get away from it all. I've been suicidal for a myriad of reasons, bit this takes the cake. It's unsettling. The fact it doesn't stop makes me want to jump off something and I've come close before. Even now I could just casually find somewhere to get rid of it all.

I just want it to stop. Why can't I be like anyone else? Why do I get this? I'm not looking at you, I promise!
The anxiety is not worth it...
Ironically it happened shortly after this.
 
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