Venting Standard useless vent

[MerryGoDown]

just a vent, im gonna put it here so i dont add negativity to the attempts to get better in the recovery forum... does that sound right?
I love everyone and hate everythinggg

I love how every time I manage to feel better I end up back here in due time
And i love how every time the things Im holding on to and hoping for disappear
I love how the things I fear the most become more palatable with time
I love how little there is left to hope for
I love how much self loathing I feel for feeling this way in the first place

I wanna say fuck it we ball but I don't know what to ball about theres nothing left
There is no more cope
And the best part is I have no energy, not even to catch the damn bus.
How cool it would be if my mind could just stop, if it's so hard to cbt might as well kill the mind and let the body be used however it may be until it is broken :)

It would be great if I could talk to anyone but I can't tell if they wont listen or if I can't communicate and I think at this point it's both and if its both there's no point in communicating in the first place
If he doesnt want me I can broadcast my body and lose my mind

I just wish I could stop thinking

 

[kawaiiphantom]

just a vent, im gonna put it here so i dont add negativity to the attempts to get better in the recovery forum... does that sound right?
I love everyone and hate everythinggg

I love how every time I manage to feel better I end up back here in due time
And i love how every time the things Im holding on to and hoping for disappear
I love how the things I fear the most become more palatable with time
I love how little there is left to hope for
I love how much self loathing I feel for feeling this way in the first place

I wanna say fuck it we ball but I don't know what to ball about theres nothing left
There is no more cope
And the best part is I have no energy, not even to catch the damn bus.
How cool it would be if my mind could just stop, if it's so hard to cbt might as well kill the mind and let the body be used however it may be until it is broken :)

It would be great if I could talk to anyone but I can't tell if they wont listen or if I can't communicate and I think at this point it's both and if its both there's no point in communicating in the first place
If he doesnt want me I can broadcast my body and lose my mind

I just wish I could stop thinking

I feel the same way, im so sorry you have to go through these horrible struggles. I know its extremely hard and painful. Especially being so exhausted that you can't even CTB. I know I'm just a random person on the internet but I'm here for you if you ever need to talk feel free to DM and I'm more than willing to listen and offer support ^^ people on here care and I'm glad you could vent

 

[wildbluekiss]

And the best part is I have no energy, not even to catch the damn bus.

i'm so sorry you have to go through this. i feel the same thing. i don't have any energy left to ctb with this weak mind and fragile body. i too only want to cease to exist. if only it was so easy... that's why i really admire people who could ctb with all the stuffs going on in their head and supressed their SI. if only i could do the same. someday. someday.