Help stalker cope

[angelsrevolver]

Hi, I've stalked someone for the past 6 years, and we are currently no contact. That's as much background as I can bother to give. I was wondering if there is anybody that might relate and if they could offer up any advice on how to cope, as I can rarely find people that struggle with the same compulsions. I recognise that my actions are deeply hurtful towards them and myself, so... I am currently trying to recover and would like to provide them some peace from my disturbance.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Uh... i thought that was going to be about how the last S.T.A.L.K.E.R game was kinda mid, but fair enough i guess ?

 

[Kurwenal]

I'm sorry to say I haven't been in your situation, and I can offer no practical advice. All I want to say is that knowing that what you are doing is not helpful, either to you or to the person involved is something important. So many people in this world harm others without even realizing it, or worse still, realize it but don't care. You have shown that you want to recover. That alone is special. Although personally, things like therapy have not been helpful, I know there are people out there who benefit from it. If that's an option for you, perhaps you could try it. I really have little of use to suggest, and for that I'm sorry. But I hope you can be proud of seeing that you are doing something that you want to stop, and that you want to take steps to stop it. I hope you can find a way to end the behaviour and do what you want, not what you are compelled to do.

 

[angelsrevolver]

I'm sorry to say I haven't been in your situation, and I can offer no practical advice. All I want to say is that knowing that what you are doing is not helpful, either to you or to the person involved is something important. So many people in this world harm others without even realizing it, or worse still, realize it but don't care. You have shown that you want to recover. That alone is special. Although personally, things like therapy have not been helpful, I know there are people out there who benefit from it. If that's an option for you, perhaps you could try it. I really have little of use to suggest, and for that I'm sorry. But I hope you can be proud of seeing that you are doing something that you want to stop, and that you want to take steps to stop it. I hope you can find a way to end the behaviour and do what you want, not what you are compelled to do.

Thank you for the kind words. as for therapy, as much as I would like to finally seek out professional help, I don't think it would be a viable option for me. I've considered trying to get on antipsychotics to see if they would help me delude myself less but that will probably take a while. Nonetheless, I still appreciate your response

 

[Forever Sleep]

I haven't gone as far as stalking (excessively) but, I've gone through several bouts of limerence- obsessive crushes on guys. I suppose I would try to look for them in social media posts. I also tried on occassion to try and accidentally- on purpose bump into a neighbour I had a huge crush on for years. But, only a handful of times so- I wouldn't quite term it stalking.

But, nevertheless, I knew that these obsessive crushes were screwing up my life. I finally discovered the term 'limerence' which, weirdly made it easier to let go of. I realised it probably wasn't the real love I had convinced myself it was.

But, I basically strong armed myself away from them. I unfriended the groups I looked for them in on social media. I made a conscious effort to tell myself to stop- whenever I started thinking about them. Sometimes, I would imagine how painful it would feel if they had a girlfriend. Which of course, they eventually did. It was one of those- you need to be cruel (to yourself) to be kind situations.

Almost like a diet really. You deny yourself the food that would make you happy and that you yearn for- because you know the end result is healthier.

I suppose in the case of stalking though- you could also guilt yourself I imagine. Acknowledge the affect this must be having on the person and try to decide not to do that to them.

It actually horrified me that my crushes would find out I cared for them and, be disgusted by the idea. I suppose it's actually lucky that I do have low self esteem. Otherwise, maybe I would have pursued them more.

 

[Kurwenal]

Thank you for the kind words. as for therapy, as much as I would like to finally seek out professional help, I don't think it would be a viable option for me. I've considered trying to get on antipsychotics to see if they would help me delude myself less but that will probably take a while. Nonetheless, I still appreciate your response

I'm sorry that therapy isn't likely to be viable for you. Sometimes different things can work for different people (as I mentioned in my last message, therapy certainly didn't help me, but that's not to say it's useless to everybody), and I only hope that you can find whatever might work for you. If it's not too prying for me to ask, does the stalking take place physically or digitally? I'm just trying to think of ways you could limit yourself while you try to find a solution. For example, if it's digital, could you lock yourself out of things like social media, with the password and any recovery options given only to someone whom you trust implicitly, but you also know will not cave to any requests from you to get them back? I don't know if that's viable at all, really, sorry. I'm probably not much use. I just see someone who recognizes that what they're doing is harmful, and wants to find a way to stop it, but is struggling. Perhaps it's some consolation to have someone else struggling with you to try to find a solution, temporary or otherwise. If, of course, my suggestions are just frustrating, please do let me know as no offence will be taken and I'll leave you in peace. Whatever happens, I wish you the best in ending this cycle. You have seen that you want it to end, and that alone is more than many are capable of.

EDIT: Looks like someone with more experience and knowledge than I has joined in, so I'll leave you in peace. Wishing you all the best in finding an end to your compulsion.