They have more control of me. I have moments of clarity but mostly they control. They froze me when I wanted to SH, they stop me mid thoughts and mess up my sentences.
But anyway I have vision there will be me stabbing myself and others if i don't ctb in time. But idk what and when i can do. I thinking hanging is best to pull off quickly i guess but live with family. Need to run away maybe bridge jump. But they're with me there here and in my damn brain . Thinking stupid like breaking bones and blinding self so can't hurt anyone. Idk. Jump spots nearby aren't guaranteed but have successes and samaritans number displayed making clear it has worked.
Maybe they'll stop me idk. Maybe I should just get myself locked up instead. I can't breathe and can't think. They want me to hurt others and not myself so they can use me. But I won't. Need to die quick. My chest hurts and panicking . They have too much of me I swear. No to 'professionals' as they will help them use me and do bad. I can't survive today. I feel sick . Need to go tonight. Run away bitch
But anyway I have vision there will be me stabbing myself and others if i don't ctb in time. But idk what and when i can do. I thinking hanging is best to pull off quickly i guess but live with family. Need to run away maybe bridge jump. But they're with me there here and in my damn brain . Thinking stupid like breaking bones and blinding self so can't hurt anyone. Idk. Jump spots nearby aren't guaranteed but have successes and samaritans number displayed making clear it has worked.
Maybe they'll stop me idk. Maybe I should just get myself locked up instead. I can't breathe and can't think. They want me to hurt others and not myself so they can use me. But I won't. Need to die quick. My chest hurts and panicking . They have too much of me I swear. No to 'professionals' as they will help them use me and do bad. I can't survive today. I feel sick . Need to go tonight. Run away bitch
