Story SSRI withdrawal

[AntisocialGG]

I have to admit this wasn't a good idea, especially because i was doing better than now. For people that only hover: I stopped taking my citalopram (SSRI) and this made me do some things that i will explain later. Feel free to tell me your opinion on the topic, i don't mind :).

Honestly i have to write about this somewhere and feel like i have someone to talk to without getting my family noticed and or worried about me.

So i was through a bad moment where i decided: "i'll stop taking my meds, this way CTB will be easier." (that's what i thought. turned out i was wrong).

At first i was looking into some methods and i've been through this before, i alarmed someone that made me go to the hospital. This time i decided i needed to stop talking with them in a way i don't alarm them or my family (they have my family's number just in case). So i decided to cut the relationship in a way that won't let me get back even if i wanted to (or at least it will make it harder). I won't get into much detail here because i am a bit skeptical about this site. Just in case there is a connection with the person i'm talking about right now and SaSu (i doubt it).

As the days passed i was started getting more and more impulsive, living on a roller coaster of emotions, yes this does include CTB feelings as an impulse rather than a meditated decision which is not what i want.

The last day (today) it was the worst, i had this feeling of being "high" but at the same time i was experiencing anxiety, "brain zaps", my brain wouldn't shut up, and impulsive actions (making this account was an impulse as well). All this while having to fake being all right is hard, not fun and exhausting.

Fortunately i decided to get help again (starting tomorrow). Took the citalopram and hours later i was normal, which made me think a lot of things, especifically how am i going to get back that friendship i had, i hope these type of actions can be avoided, changed and wont affect ALL my life because i want to start again. get a job (i know i will suffer) and i don't know, honestly i'm still lost but i want to fight for whatever i should fight. Note: I'm still on the impulsive state, just not as bad as before taking the med. This post was probably an impulse and something my paranoid self will regret doing.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Instead of sudden changes to the medication, I heard https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/ may be useful to read (it might have info in tapering).

Welcome to SaSu... I also made an account on "impulse"... where the impulse was "ooo, this fictional gf narrative is realistic enough", tho I didn't use such fiction anywhere else, and corrected the fiction after gaining some trust in the site (it's ok, trust takes time).

 

[Skallagrim]

Welcome to the Last Hope Saloon! Pull up a chair of despair at an unstable table!

SSRIs mess with your brain chemistry, but I'm sure you're well aware of that. Any strange behaviours can be put down to the sudden drop in the drug coupled with the sudden drop in serotonin that would have occurred immediately after, so if you've done anything really strange, caused a problem with a friendship, explaining that might help. I'm not sure what you mean by "get a job (I know I will suffer)" though. Do you mean the job itself will make you suffer? Or the act of searching for and attempting to hold down a job will cause you to suffer? No judgment from me whichever it is - I know facing the pressure of a job, getting there on crowded public transport, being forced to spend much of the day around people is incredibly stressful to many of us here.

Going suddenly off these meds rather than tapering off is not only difficult but can actually cause injury. I seem to be permanently unable to sleep if I don't have either music or some lecture or something to listen to now, among a few other things. My background anxiety levels are heightened compared to what they were before I started as well.

On brain zaps; I know exactly what these are and exactly how weirdly terrible such a small phenomena can be. When I came off citalopram I was getting them a lot, so much so that I went back onto citalopram, but I couldn't stand the stuff, as it made me feel truly awful. The doctor took pity on me and gave me mirtazapine instead. Now that had its own set of side effects which were just as bad, some of them worse, and I was on it only for weeks before I quit that as well, but after just a few weeks those brain zaps all stopped and they haven't returned. While this did help with brain zaps, mirtazapine itself is arduous to handle, so please use caution.

 

[AntisocialGG]

First of all, thanks for you 2 for the answer. I am still here, yesterday i decided to take some benzos to sleep because otherwise there is the possibility of me trying under that state.

Instead of sudden changes to the medication, I heard https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/ may be useful to read (it might have info in tapering).

Welcome to SaSu... I also made an account on "impulse"... where the impulse was "ooo, this fictional gf narrative is realistic enough", tho I didn't use such fiction anywhere else, and corrected the fiction after gaining some trust in the site (it's ok, trust takes time).

Thanks for the resource, even tho i wasnt planning on leaving my medication because i dont need it (i need it). it was an arbitrary decision tbh.

Welcome to the Last Hope Saloon! Pull up a chair of despair at an unstable table!

Thanks!

SSRIs mess with your brain chemistry, but I'm sure you're well aware of that. Any strange behaviours can be put down to the sudden drop in the drug coupled with the sudden drop in serotonin that would have occurred immediately after, so if you've done anything really strange, caused a problem with a friendship, explaining that might help.

That's true, it might help even tho i have to accept the possibility of not returning to normal at least in that friendship, since they might not trust me anymore.

I'm not sure what you mean by "get a job (I know I will suffer)" though. Do you mean the job itself will make you suffer? Or the act of searching for and attempting to hold down a job will cause you to suffer? No judgment from me whichever it is - I know facing the pressure of a job, getting there on crowded public transport, being forced to spend much of the day around people is incredibly stressful to many of us here.

Everything that includes a job will make me suffer, i don't think searching the job will do as much as working, but yeah, you're right. For now i just need to do something on the weekends since i study during the week.

Going suddenly off these meds rather than tapering off is not only difficult but can actually cause injury. I seem to be permanently unable to sleep if I don't have either music or some lecture or something to listen to now, among a few other things. My background anxiety levels are heightened compared to what they were before I started as well.

Interesting, i didn't know that. Even tho for my family i do fake not being able to sleep without music. Other than sleep i don't think i have any problem, since i already take benzos to sleep because i had a HUGE problem sleeping, but now im okay, i sleep at 2 am or so. if i take the benzos i sleep for more time and start sleeping sooner, i don't take it every day to avoid dependence.

On brain zaps; I know exactly what these are and exactly how weirdly terrible such a small phenomena can be. When I came off citalopram I was getting them a lot, so much so that I went back onto citalopram, but I couldn't stand the stuff, as it made me feel truly awful. The doctor took pity on me and gave me mirtazapine instead. Now that had its own set of side effects which were just as bad, some of them worse, and I was on it only for weeks before I quit that as well, but after just a few weeks those brain zaps all stopped and they haven't returned. While this did help with brain zaps, mirtazapine itself is arduous to handle, so please use caution.

It is hard, especially combined with all the others side effects, fortunately i only had this problem with withdrawal so i'm fine taking citalopram,