Method Square one (VSED journal)

[cosifantutti]

VSED Journal Day 5 Thoughts and Conclusions.

Why I chose VSED in the first place.

After finding out how restricted SN is in my country I lost all hope of a dignified method of ctb. For the next 24 hours, purely by accident I realized I hadn't had anything to eat or drink. I heard about the rule of 3's when looking up methods on the clear web before finding this site.
3 minutes without air.
3 days without water
3 weeks without food.
There is nothing more I'd like than to ctb and because SN was not available and this method is so slow even having a day's head start made me willing to try if there was even a chance it would work. I figured that even if the numbers were off by a couple days it would still get the job done.
I was wrong. Everyone who said I wouldn't complete was right. I tried this on desperation and bad research. This is what I learned.

Why VSED doesn't work.

1.) The first reason VSED is extremely likely to fail is because, like people have mentioned since I started this thread, SI. If you consider the fact that most people get irritable if they miss lunch, asking them to not eat or drink anything for weeks simply isn't viable. I made it 5 days, losing 3lbs a day on average. The reason why I was willing to hold on this long at minimum was because I had more bad information that things start crashing when you lose 10% of your bodyweight. Not only is this not true but I started feeling better, not worse, in most ways as the days went on. I was on the verge of blacking out more on days 2 and 3 than I was on 4, and on 5 even that is virtually non existent.

2.) Which brings me to the second reason. Your body is extremely adaptable. If you are physically healthy, this will never work for you unless you're stranded in a desert or a cage alone with no survival skills and no way out. Your body will alter its processes, feed off of itself, and enter what is virtually a power saving mode. You'll lose muscle mass to burn less energy, you'll sweat less etc. It would take much longer than a week to burn through all of your body's resources if you are physically healthy.

3.) Even if you had the willpower to see it through to the end and the endurance for all the discomforts, if people see you, they're going to notice. 5 days in and some of my pants are falling off of my waist. Someone commented on whether I had been eating enough and offered me food which I was able to tactfully decline. If you get found out, it's over. And you'll have experienced all of that discomfort for nothing, at best.

This entire thread, top to bottom, is all anecdotal based on my experience and I know a lot of this way seem obvious or you're less desperate or better learned but I still hope theis failure is useful.

Who VSED is for.

Like any resource on the matter will tell you, surface web or not, VSED is for terminally ill people who are already in hospice who would like to embrace the inevitable instead of fight it, be more comfortable, and speed up the process. That's all VSED does. It speeds up the process if you're already dying. It won't kill you on its own. If you are healthy this is not a remotely viable method.

The worst aspects of the experience.

1.) Skin irritation. By far. Nothing else comes close. If you try this for any extended period of time, this will also be an issue as your body recovers and skin starts peeling.
(I'm thinking of more but honestly everything else is at least manageable compared to this.)

Redeeming qualities of light VSED aka just fasting.
1.) If you do not try to use it to CTB, and you drink water sometimes instead of not at all, you will lose a lot of weight very quickly if that is something you're inclined to do for some reason.
2.) If you're battling some kind sex/porn addiction, no food will throw off your hormonal balance and your libido will plummet. If you're extremely desperate for reprieve it might help.
3.) VSED is basically a non violent form of SH. If you're brain is a mess and you find peace in hurtful things then the feeling of almost blacking out and the general fatigue could potentially satisfy those urges without leaving scars.

tl;dr Everyone here was right, I failed, and VSED is not a good ctb method.

I'm sure I had more to say. If I remember, I'll post it, but otherwise I'll just answer questions if anyone has them. With that said, that's all for now on this failed method and I have to starting planning again for something more effective.

Thanks for all your feedback. Although theoretically a healthy person could do this it seems that it's very difficult partly for psychological reasons and also it would take too long.

I found this very interesting and your experience fits in with what I've read. The people I have read about it who succeeded were elderly or terminally ill, they had family support and access to pain medication.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...pt-58-day-diary-detailing-effects-eating.html << this guy successfully ctb'd, but I'm not sure if he stopped all fluids or not. Did you stop because of being found out, or was it because you couldn't tolerate it anymore?

There's a zero percent chance that VSED could have killed me in my current situation now that I'm more informed. It takes too long, it's too visible, and by the time you actually get close enough for it to be lethal how many ever weeks in, it would be too easy for any concern party call and ambulance and one IV would bring you right back. I'd honestly say that even if you're attempt is earnest, it's more of a gesture than a real attempt and is even less reliable than wrist slitting. Horizontally. I stopped because it just doesn't work outside of very specific scenarios.

This thread was very informative to read, and also extremely valuable.

Thank you for sharing your experience <3

Thank you for reading. I'm glad I documented it here and hopefully anyone considering it can make better and more intelligent decisions than I did.
It really goes to show that impulse and desperation are the enemy. Method is everything. It's better to take the time, do the research, and find a viable method, than to make any rash emotional decision. I get that it's hard to practice that when you're suicidal but this is what happens when without it.
I have no idea how much more miserable I'd be if it weren't for this site. And to think so many people are trying to shut it down. It's just gross how the world sees us.

Thanks for all your feedback. Although theoretically a healthy person could do this it seems that it's very difficult partly for psychological reasons and also it would take too long.

I found this very interesting and your experience fits in with what I've read. The people I have read about it who succeeded were elderly or terminally ill, they had family support and access to pain medication.

Those are exactly the people it's useful for. You're right. But at that point you have assistance too which makes everything easier. It's a half step away from euthanasia. Different from what most of us are looking for here but still good for the people who fit the criteria.
Time is definitely the biggest limiting factor for healthy individuals and the healthier you are, the longer it will take. Even being overweight can make it unfathomably long.

 

[outlook56]

It seems to be a long and arduous journey. I am truly sorry. It seems that dehydration will not kill you until passed more than 10 days. The desert may be a good idea to dehydrate in less than 3 days and it is not a moderate temperature like a room.

 

[Techef]

Thanks for your informative post. When I first read through it after you made it to day 3, I thought about posting my opinion that this would most likely not work, but realized that would be disrespectful to you. So I decided to wait until after you've experienced it.

As you said, the biggest reason this will not work is because of SI. Your body will do whatever it takes to get water (will almost always come first before food) into your system. I've never tried to CTB like this, but due to a variety of chronic illnesses and living alone with no contacts, I've experienced being bedridden for days quite a few times. Never had a problem with 2-3 days without water, although I'm not sure if pain/lethargy/exhaustion from my illnesses overrode thirst. Inevitably on day 4 or 5, my body would move on its own, no matter how exhausted or how much pain I was in, to the nearest source of water/fluid and get it in. I could be unconscious, and the next thing I knew I'd crawled from my bed to a sink and turned on the faucet, cupped my hands, and started drinking before becoming fully conscious. Lack of water is what kills the body first (before food), so if one were to CTB via VSED they'd have to be restrained or be somewhere where there were no water source at all.

I also grew up in a fanatical religious environment for a while before I was able to extract myself after adulthood, so I'm familiar with people (including my own mother) doing extreme fasting - mainly based on the bible verse where jesus fasts for 40 days and nights. Although never confirmed or made official, I remember hearing about a few cases where people were able to fast (while taking in minimal water to survive) for 3-4 weeks before having to abort who may have had serious organ damage. It's impossible for me to confirm the facts, since these types of extremist religious organizations take great pains to hide things, and my "knowledge" of these events was based on rumors/hearsay from other churchgoers.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

Thanks for your informative post. When I first read through it after you made it to day 3, I thought about posting my opinion that this would most likely not work, but realized that would be disrespectful to you. So I decided to wait until after you've experienced it.

As you said, the biggest reason this will not work is because of SI. Your body will do whatever it takes to get water (will almost always come first before food) into your system. I've never tried to CTB like this, but due to a variety of chronic illnesses and living alone with no contacts, I've experienced being bedridden for days quite a few times. Never had a problem with 2-3 days without water, although I'm not sure if pain/lethargy/exhaustion from my illnesses overrode thirst. Inevitably on day 4 or 5, my body would move on its own, no matter how exhausted or how much pain I was in, to the nearest source of water/fluid and get it in. I could be unconscious, and the next thing I knew I'd crawled from my bed to a sink and turned on the faucet, cupped my hands, and started drinking before becoming fully conscious. Lack of water is what kills the body first (before food), so if one were to CTB via VSED they'd have to be restrained or be somewhere where there were no water source at all.

I also grew up in a fanatical religious environment for a while before I was able to extract myself after adulthood, so I'm familiar with people (including my own mother) doing extreme fasting - mainly based on the bible verse where jesus fasts for 40 days and nights. Although never confirmed or made official, I remember hearing about a few cases where people were able to fast (while taking in minimal water to survive) for 3-4 weeks before having to abort who may have had serious organ damage. It's impossible for me to confirm the facts, since these types of extremist religious organizations take great pains to hide things, and my "knowledge" of these events was based on rumors/hearsay from other churchgoers.

No, thank you for sharing yours. Your opinion is more than welcomed here and it would not have been disrespectful to have it be part of the conversation sooner. Sharing information and experiences helps us make better decisions.
Congratulations on escaping what you grew up in. I'm sorry you had to live like that. I'm sure it's left its mark.

 

[cosifantutti]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...pt-58-day-diary-detailing-effects-eating.html << this guy successfully ctb'd, but I'm not sure if he stopped all fluids or not. Did you stop because of being found out, or was it because you couldn't tolerate it anymore?

That's a very interesting article.
In 1981 an IRA prisoner went on hunger strike. He died 66 days later. Bobby Sands had been jailed because of terrorist activities and the IRA prisoners were arguing for certain conditions in prison as they viewed themselves as political prisoners.

During his strike a by election came up and it was decided Bobby Sands would stand as an MP in Westminster. Interest had been dwindling in his hunger strike but in the election he won by a very small margin. At 27 he was the youngest MP. Eventually the IRAs demands were met and Bobby Sands is considered pivotal I the changes.

Apparently continuing to take fluids makes starving to death worse but they wanted it to be drawn out to attract attention ( there were several of them).

I think that when someone is fighting for a cause they find extra strength.

This is probably irrelevant, but I'm in Scotland and I remember it well. It's just that I was fascinated that someone could believe in a cause to the point of dying.

 

[MatthieuFrederickW]

That's a very interesting article.
In 1981 an IRA prisoner went on hunger strike. He died 66 days later. Bobby Sands had been jailed because of terrorist activities and the IRA prisoners were arguing for certain conditions in prison as they viewed themselves as political prisoners.

During his strike a by election came up and it was decided Bobby Sands would stand as an MP in Westminster. Interest had been dwindling in his hunger strike but in the election he won by a very small margin. At 27 he was the youngest MP. Eventually the IRAs demands were met and Bobby Sands is considered pivotal I the changes.

Apparently continuing to take fluids makes starving to death worse but they wanted it to be drawn out to attract attention ( there were several of them).

I think that when someone is fighting for a cause they find extra strength.

This is probably irrelevant, but I'm in Scotland and I remember it well. It's just that I was fascinated that someone could believe in a cause to the point of dying.

Yep I read about that story. It's fascinating how someone could have that much willpower and determination to sacrifice themselves for a political cause like that, go through it for 2 whole months 'til death. Seems like 2 months (or 8 wks) is the approx time it takes to die from water fasting then if these articles are to go by. I know it's a lengthier process, but I wonder how painful water fasting is compared to dry fast or VSED? Hopefully I can find more information on this. Thanks for reply.

 

[cosifantutti]

Yep I read about that story. It's fascinating how someone could have that much willpower and determination to sacrifice themselves for a political cause like that, go through it for 2 whole months 'til death. Seems like 2 months (or 8 wks) is the approx time it takes to die from water fasting then if these articles are to go by. I know it's a lengthier process, but I wonder how painful water fasting is compared to dry fast or VSED? Hopefully I can find more information on this. Thanks for reply.

These guys did take fluid but not food. If you take neither it's about 2-3 weeks, though that's the elderly. Probably a younger, healthier person would take quite a bit longer.

 

[Tulip<3]

Hey, I'm sorry you went through this and didn't get to where you wanted. I've water fasted before and that alone took enough will power!
I hope you are doing okay physically now? I also hope you are coping okay emotionally
Thank you for documenting this.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

Hey, I'm sorry you went through this and didn't get to where you wanted. I've water fasted before and that alone took enough will power!
I hope you are doing okay physically now? I also hope you are coping okay emotionally
Thank you for documenting this.

Thank you for your words. Physically I feel perfectly fine minus some skin irritation. It's worth noting that I have no allergies, have never had skin problems in my life, not even acne. But it's a natural consequence of doing what I did. Mentally I'm coherent and I feel okay. I'm not emotional, I'm not being impulsive. I am still going to ctb so I'm sure the mainstream would object to that claim but it is what it is. But yes, physically I'm okay.