Venting Spoke with a psychiatrist for the first time in a year.

[Abyssal]

I had to because I went 5 days off Zoloft and was in withdrawal. The pharmacy gave me a 3 day supply then set me up with an appointment 16 days ahead so she could sign me off to get more. You do the math and see why that's a bad idea. So in the midst of withdrawal before my new supply kicks in I start bawling to my family about how I made a half assed attempt at work due to the pain and that I'll hurt myself again (give me a break here, I was fucked up beyond thinking). My dad starts working things out and I finally get an appointment for 3 days later.

Well, not only did my refill, I got an increased dosage and the oh so magical suicide hotline. She kept trying to push therapy on me even when I told her I couldn't afford it, sent me an email to get set up anyways.

Oh but alas well that ends well: my pharmacy won't give me the medication because I don't have their insurance AND *drum roll* I'm not allowed to speak with any doctors until I get their specific insurance. No regular doctors, no psychiatrists, can't even get a check up!

The health care system in the United States is beyond broken and it's trying to convince me to hang myself.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Wow wtf that does seem incredibly fucked... hopefully you can navigate that. Your dad is there to help you advocate for yourself

 

[Abyssal]

Wow wtf that does seem incredibly fucked... hopefully you can navigate that. Your dad is there to help you advocate for yourself

Yes, he's great fortunately. He saw my mom get locked up due to her bipolar and swore not to put me through that, but it's not like he'll ever let me be free from this cruel existence either if he can help it. Can't blame him for prolonging my suffering but at least he's doing what he can to protect me.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Yes, he's great fortunately. He saw my mom get locked up due to her bipolar and swore not to put me through that, but it's not like he'll ever let me be free from this cruel existence either if he can help it. Can't blame him for prolonging my suffering but at least he's doing what he can to protect me.

Maybe not yet, and you can/should take my opinion with a grain of salt but if you're ever getting to the point where you've tried everything and there's no recovery, there's nothing wrong with being honest about that with him. Worse comes to worst you VSED in a comfortable hospital? That's my own daydream I have no idea if that's a practical reality

 

[Abyssal]

Maybe not yet, and you can/should take my opinion with a grain of salt but if you're ever getting to the point where you've tried everything and there's no recovery, there's nothing wrong with being honest about that with him. Worse comes to worst you VSED in a comfortable hospital? That's my own daydream I have no idea if that's a practical reality

I'd kill myself before doing VSED…wait.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I'd kill myself before doing VSED…wait.

Ahahaha. I think it takes a certain mental strength, and what builds mental strength but emotional processing and what takes emotional processing but preparing for ones' own death? All the dominoes fall into place, except I haven't decided about the ethics of occupying a medical space while I'm dying and if I don't wanna do that then like do I set up a mattress in a back alley behind a dumpster or something "just chuck me in when I'm ripe ok"