Venting Sometimes I wish I were single

[busybee]

Relationships suck.
Sorry but I cannot rant anywhere else

I work fulltime plus overtime. He has been unemployed and at home for almost a year and yet he scolds me cause the flat is a mess 'cause I never do anything' and now 'we gotta start doing stuff together each day' cause 'I do nothing at all'. He says I am really lazy. (He insists he is doing a lot but it feels like he only ever does anything while I am at home and it is quite frankly still a mess. He says it is cause it is hard to keep up with the messes I cause)
Then when I get up to do stuff he gets mad cause 'you are not supposed to move your foot you have torn ligaments'
And then he gets all apologetic and comforts me cause I am now crying.
He could have easily gotten a job but wanted to stay home to have more time to look for one in a different field and 'he can't really look for that while working fulltime'. His cv and stuff were last changed in april. I have been at home for nearly 2 weeks and he naps, talks to friends and plays games most of the time.
Even now that he knows that he has to go back to his old field he wants to wait till mid august.
I told him that I will kick him out when his benefits switch but he doesn't take that seriously at all cause 'yeah yeah I can get a job easily' (I earn well enough for the state to cut him off any money and I am not willing to finance everything alone)
While I am constantly stressed about money and struggle to keep a really unstable job he spends 150 bucks a months on netflix, twitch and stuff and just vibes all day.
He is really bad at putting the agreed upon amount on our shared acount too.
This month he was only 100 bucks short tho so that is something. I did go easy on him before so that he could obtain a drivers license (thats 2.000 ish bucks) since most jobs have that as a requirement and he was kinda shocked when after that I wanted to go back to actually splitting costs (though I still pay more)
He is also the only person I have ever seen make my father get mad and yell at (and kick out) besides my alcoholig grandpa.
Also I keep getting infections from intimacy for some reason.
And I told him to save for a car for months now cause I will go on vacation via car. Should he get a job he will need one we live very rural. Now my nana got sick and I said that if I won't go on vacay now at least he won't have to worry about going places and he was shocked "wait you actually wanted to go via car???". He hasn't taken me seriously at all.
In the past, unemployed year, I have been living with a teenage roommate rather than a partner.
If he won't go back to normal back on a job I will have to kick him out anyway.
Might end with that anyway. I gave him 3 criteria to fulfill: have a stable job, go on dates with me and go to therapy. And all we did was go out a handful of times before I got Injured. He really needs therapy cause he is from an abusive and violent family.
I wonder if I at least get a present for my birthday this year. Didn't get one last year. Didn't get a christmas gift either though I always get him small gifts. It was really awkward last christmas cause while he got gifts he didn't give back any. He said he'd chip in on my gifts for the family but didn't thogh we said they were from both of us.

Sorry for rambling so much just feels nice to occoasinally let out all the negativity

 

[pole]

you sound exhausted and i don't blame you.

shouldering the weight of your own problems is one thing, but now having to shoulder someone else's weight? it's too much.

i believe you know what needs to be done for your own peace of mind. you need to put yourself first above anything, especially if the other person isnt valuing you nor taking strides to improve.

it isn't fair to you.

it's difficult but breaking up and having space between eachother is vital for both sides. it will not only help put all focus and attention on yourself, but it will help your partner get their shit together and earn back your trust.

you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. in the end, it is up to them to change and improve. i believe space and time apart does that.

right now, they're stuck and wandering aimlessly because they CAN. they've grown comfortable in doing nothing, mainly because they know they can depend and rely on you. that isn't good, and continuing to give leeway will reinforce this comfort for him.

put yourself first for a change. time apart and space will help both sides more than anything. it's healthy and the necessary thing to do. it's a difficult step, but you have to take it, knowing it helps both people.

hope things turn around for you.