DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
If there was some way, beyond death, that I could see how my death would effect the people who hurt me, that would be fucking great
They would be upset for a while and eventually move on. That's just human nature.
Killing yourself out of spite is not worth it for this reason, and probably why there's that saying "the best revenge is to live well".
Only reason you should consider CTB is if it's truly something YOU want.
Killing yourself out of spite is not worth it for this reason, and probably why there's that saying "the best revenge is to live well".
Only reason you should consider CTB is if it's truly something YOU want.
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
I just have so much anger. Even if I know I hurt them for a few seconds, it would give me pleasure I think
ward0x
Member
- Aug 22, 2020
- 30
I think this is a somewhat "normal" thought.
I think about that A LOT. But not just about those who hurt me. I wonder how it would effect people in general.
I think about that A LOT. But not just about those who hurt me. I wonder how it would effect people in general.
Lone_Gray_Wolf
Fate plays chess with 2 queens
- Aug 21, 2020
- 263
Ohh you are not the only one, I fantasize about that a LOT. Even a year ago I was in a commission in my highschool as a representative of all the students, I used to fantasize a lot about the principal's reaction and what would the protocol be if one of the members died.
You'd be able to stick it to them more alive than dead. Just something to consider.
iDieUDie80
Arcanist
- Jul 6, 2020
- 403
I too would like to be able to see reactions, even though it's sick. And rationally, I really don't want to hurt the people I love.
ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
Sometimes I feel like that. I sometimes imagine what people would say at my memorial, or at the places I once worked and socialized. (Before I became incapable of functioning).
Then again, I'm not sure I WANT to know how people react. What if the very people I expect to care don't? People can be real a**holes after all, and their behaviour is unpredictable.
A friend of mine was telling me about a friend of hers who had died of a brain aneurysm. She said that the woman's coworkers were at the funeral and they said that it was too bad the woman wasn't better at her job...!!!!
So, no, in the end, I'd rather not know what people would say...
Then again, I'm not sure I WANT to know how people react. What if the very people I expect to care don't? People can be real a**holes after all, and their behaviour is unpredictable.
A friend of mine was telling me about a friend of hers who had died of a brain aneurysm. She said that the woman's coworkers were at the funeral and they said that it was too bad the woman wasn't better at her job...!!!!
So, no, in the end, I'd rather not know what people would say...
Joey
Enlightened
- Jun 14, 2020
- 1,432
I 100% agree on this. Not pro-life or anything but he has a point.
Ya I don't want to come across as a pro-lifer or anything but this is a bad reason to ctb. You need to be around to spite others.
Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️ Sometimes I'm stressed
- Jul 1, 2020
- 6,828
Theyll envy you more if you succeed. That's my plan. I'm going to go to baking school and I'm going to open a bakery. If my mother and stepfather think they're going to walk in I'm going to show them the door. You didn't need me before. I didn't need you after and I don't need you now.
Ren Elsie Jewelria
I sneezed!
- Aug 30, 2020
- 373
My mother would be devastated, but the rest of the family would be just "meh, they were always troublesome and made a mess, so byeee!'
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DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
You guys are strong. I....cant do that. Living is hard as is. It might be a pathetic way to do things but....the least I want is sympathy. I might go out 13 reasons why style meh
Joey
Enlightened
- Jun 14, 2020
- 1,432
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
I feel this 100%. No one genuinely cares about me. I think my death is not just about revenge but more of an angry fuck you to the world and how everyone failed me. Living is scary. Its scary to live because that would be pain. You cannot exist without pain. And every dosage of pain I receive has me wanting to kill myself. Hell a simple misunderstanding is enough to trigger my BPD and make me want to harm myself
I am tired of this pain. Living, I think one day, will just stop being a reality
ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
But just bear in mind that 13 Reasons was a work of fiction. There is no way to predict whether or not you will actually cause the pain that you intend to cause. And even if you do, there is no guarantee that you will be able to observe it from the afterlife....
I don't want to harp and tell you what to do, but I do strongly agree with others above that trying to provoke a reaction from other people is likely not a reason that you would stand behind once the heat of the moment has passed.
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
Thats another thing too. Heat of the moment. However I have had many moments and I dont know which one might send me over the edge
Thats whats scary. my suicide will not likely be a rational one. It'll probably be irrational and desperate
ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
I completely understand that feeling. That desperation and feeling like you just need out right away...
The problem with acting on those feelings is two fold: a) you might do something that your rational self would not do, and b) you might take impulsive action that leaves you alive but significantly worse off than before (ie paralysis, brain damage).
I have acted impulsively in the heat of the moment and I am lucky that I did not do long term damage. I once attempted because I got a "B" in a university class. Looking back on it, I'm really glad I didn't die over a "B", but in that moment the pain was every but as real and excruciating as it has ever been...
If you can live through those horrible moments, you at least buy yourself some time to decide whether whatever happened really is worth dying over...Unfortunately I don't have any brilliant advice as to how to live through them...except maybe reminding yourself that it might not be worth it and even if it is there is a risk of ending up even worse off...
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softfuzzyman
Rot
- Aug 17, 2020
- 77
the burden of how others would react is what keeps me involuntarily tethered here a lot so, in the opposite direction, i also wish there was some way to run a simulation and see what would actually happen once I CTB... maybe it would only make me feel worse. But ahh itd be so nice to have some certainty. I don't blame you for hoping your CTB hurts others... it's not my primary reason at all, my primary reason being to escape my own pain, but i do have multiple abusers and rapists who, if my CTB makes them feel anguish and guilt finally after decades of them never showing remorse and never changing, i find the thought delightful, so, i guess am lucky that i have those who i genuinely care about and dont want to hurt, but that also makes it harder to want to escape my own hurting, which is why i agree i wisj there was some surefire way to see how the cards would fall
