Discussion Someone said on tiktok that it gets better in your late 20s

[Insomniac]

But does it really?

I'm almost 26.

It's true, you become disciplined, you have a life plan, you get shit done and you become responsible and resilient and accept the suffering. The chronic procrastination stops.

You're able to foresee future struggle and suffering and do something about it in the present and you stop trying to live a pain-free life because you know its impossible.

But in my experience, I suffer just as much (in fact, much much more than) as before. The overwhelming sense of despair every morning before work. The terror, the loneliness. The despair only keep growing. It's just that now it's not affecting your life as in it doesn't paralyse you but trust me the inner pain and suffering only get worse and worse. The sheer terror and awareness of you being alone in existence and only being able to rely on yourself.

Every single hour of the day there is a voice in my head telling me "stop" "please stop working, I'm litterally dying". There isn't a single moment where I feel pain-free. My body is always on fire, no rest whatsoever.

If you're past your mid twenties, how are things going g for you compared to before?

 

[lemonhoney]

I was never disciplined. I'm in my mid/late 20s and I stopped learning a long time ago. I took the easiest routes and had no motivation to learn more. It's really biting me in the ass now cuz all I can do is sit around and feel sorry for myself instead of picking up a book or class or educational video. I wish I had the energy and motivation. I wish I was inspired and could enjoy things.

 

[Rounded Agony]

"Someone said on tiktok that"...just think about how you titled this for a second.

Such statements are ridiculous generalizations that sadly have no bearing on real life. What people mean by these things is "it got better for me in my late 20s, and here I am proselytizing that my experience is applicable to everyone who I deem to have been in a position now like I was before".

If your set of life circumstances were not identical, these kinds of statements are worse than meaningless; they're damaging.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I'm 29 now, halfway to 30. For most of my adult years, I was independent, somewhat disciplined, and thought I had defeated my suicidal ideation of my teenager years. But even though life can have good periods, it can go to shit at any moment. I've been in this bout of suicidal thoughts for nearly two years now and I don't realistically see it improving. I feel some level of pressure to live until 30, but it feels like such a pointless milestone the more I think about it.

 

[heavyeyes]

In my early twenties I was sexually assaulted and emotionally abused by an ex who was much older than me. I was already mentally ill and struggling well before then so that just added to it. I'm in my late twenties now. I spiraled down lower ever since. So no for me it's only gotten worse. I can't see my life getting any better. I used to hope but that's gone now.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

Dear, whatever it is that will or is supposed to get better in your late 20s...can be solved or improved with immediate effect by starting to totally ignore and boycott tik tok now and today . you are welcome :)

 

[Message In A Bottle]

For me personally, I couldn't care less what some tiktoker proclaims as "the age where everything gets better". Not sure where they even got the authority to start speaking for everyone, as if they are the spokesperson for mental illness.

 

[Hirokami]

That's true for me only in some ways. Yes, I have a decent career and a four-year degree, but my mental health continues to decline in spite of all that. I never was once in a relationship where I felt valued, I don't have any friends, and my trauma continues to haunt me and even pile on. How much longer do I need to wait for my mind to get better? I'm 27 and this is the worst I ever felt.

 

[Lawliet]

it does not.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

It's nothing to do with age

 

[sleeps]

when i was younger i at least had hope that things could get better. now in my late 20's that's faded severely and the only option i see is ctb. fuck what some tiktok person says

 

[BGooG]

My 20s were fun. Grad school, getting my degree, getting a job. 30s were good too as my professional career took off, and I met the love of my life. My life began to deteriorate in my late 40s. My 50s were miserable. I'm now 61 and praying to die everyday. My mother and maternal grandfather each died at 66 with cancer. I've lived my life thinking I have an expiry date.

Like everything else in development, there is no one path.

 

[Pluto]

There have been numerous studies correlating certain ages and happiness. On average, late teen/early 20s is high in happiness, then there's a slow decline to a low point in the 40-something bracket, then happiness tends to be high again the 70-something bracket. (N.B., if you notice this does not apply to you, remember this is based on large surveys which you are welcome to look up yourself if you're interested.) The happiness seems to correlate to a carefree life situation. It makes sense; young people on average can enjoy their peak of youthful beauty and energy, while septuagenarians are usually in retirement heaven without the health decline of later stages.

I can't see a lot of sense in the statement of late 20s being 'better', except to say that there is on average more emotional and financial stability. But it is also the age where we realise we have already started to age, and have to face mortality for the first time. (Again, this doesn't apply to people here for obvious reasons.)

If you want things to get 'better', you need to be specific about what you are trying to achieve, and be open to listening to boring old farts who have life experience.

 

[Insomniac]

"Someone said on tiktok that"...just think about how you titled this for a second.

Such statements are ridiculous generalizations that sadly have no bearing on real life. What people mean by these things is "it got better for me in my late 20s, and here I am proselytizing that my experience is applicable to everyone who I deem to have been in a position now like I was before".

If your set of life circumstances were not identical, these kinds of statements are worse than meaningless; they're damaging.

you're right. The title is a bit silly but it's just because I was being spontaneous.

I guess what I meant was, an awful lot of people say that the 30s are much much better than the 20s and it doesn't feel like it to me.

You sat that they mean that it got better "for them" and I wouldn't trust even that. I don't know what exactly them mean by better but like I said, it's just normal to "grow" and be less "messy" when you age. It doesn't mean "better".

Like just because a child learned to read doesn't make it better if he is being abused since he was a baby. I feel like they are mistaking natural progression of everyone's life for "progress". Most people learn to read eventually even the molested toddler.

It's normal to have a sharper mind as you age but in my experience, the inner suffering just deepensSo just wonder why these people are lying to younger people.

Dear, whatever it is that will or is supposed to get better in your late 20s...can be solved or improved with immediate effect by starting to totally ignore and boycott tik tok now and today . you are welcome :)

I know y'll disappointed in me for even mentioning tik tok

it does not.

Exactly. I just wonder why they are lying. This is what intrigues me.

Like, are we supposed to believe that they enjoy wage slaving and performing meaningless societal rituals everyday?

Maybe people in their 30s have just really low standards. I think that's just it.

My life began to deteriorate in my late 40s

This sounds really scary.

 

[nopride86]

I'm about to turn 30 soon but mentally/emotionally I'm pretty stunted. All I feel is mortal and existential dread. Too old to have the same hope and drive as I did when I was 20, but still young enough to where there's just too many decades worth of life left to endure. I feel like the pandemic and mental illness wasted away what was left of my 20s to enjoy.

I'm done with it, I've seen enough and done enough, there's nothing to look forward to from here on out if you're dumb, ugly, and unwilling to procreate. I have no friends. Just my mom who branded me as her emotional support animal/retirement plan, and my fiancé who is wonderful but I know I'll fuck up his life somehow. I can't even pull the trigger to get married, since I couldn't bare to make him a widower. I feel trapped. All I'm good for is hourly wages and doing laundry. My nerves are shot, and I've realized that I'll never get to enjoy living. Starting now, it's just a slow march of suffering.

 

[Anonymus]

In my case from the age of 27 it was a disaster, because that's when I clearly realized that my body was aging and that what seemed to happen was not an illness, it was simply age.
When you are young you grow, when you are an adult you grow old.

But the worst of all has been from the age of 38, when very characteristic health problems have already emerged due to the passing of the years which make you discover through the bad ones that you don't get old all of a sudden but little by little without noticing- take it

In fact, I still remember how in 2012 they decided (it was in the news) that they would stop calling 35-year-old people middle-aged because they had to take into account mental maturity and not biological maturity. So today you have to hear absurd things like "35-year-olds" when at the same time you have to suffer from a lot of diseases typical of adults well into their years. But it has become fashionable since 10 years ago, eternal youth.

//

En el meu cas a partir dels 27 va ser un desastre, doncs es quan em vaig adonar clarament que el meu cos estava envellint i que allò que semblava que passaría no era cap malaltía, simplement era la edat.
Quan ets jove creixes, quan ets adult envelleixes.

Pero el pitjor de tot ha estat a partir dels 38 anys, on ja han sobresurten problemes molt característics de salut degut al pas dels anys que et fan descobrir per les dolentes que un no arriba a vell de cop sino a poc a poc sense adonar-te'n.

De fet encara m'enrecordo com el 2012 van decidir (va sortir a les notícies) que deixarien d'anomenar al gent de 35 anys de mitjana edat perquè s'havia de tenir en compte la maduresa mental i no pas la biológica. Així que avuí día has de sentir coses absurdes com "joves de 35 anys" quan al mateix temps has de patir un munt de malalties própies de la gent adulta ja ben entrada en anys. Pero es el s'ha posat de moda desde fa 10 anys, la eterna joventut.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

They like to make their experience seem universal when it isn't. Not only is there sunken costs, but a vetted interest in the hopium copium gravy train platitudes affirming the notion that life ALWAYS gets better, everything happens for a reason, it's always darkest before the dawn, etc.

I've heard this line many times too. First when I was a teenager, but back then it was, "Life will get so much better when you turn 18, so many doors will open for you and you'll have the freedom to do whatever your heart desires!" Nowadays, all I hear is what you described in your OP, that the mid to late twenties are a time for growth, improvement, and happiness. With every year one ages, the metric for when life is supposedly gets better seems to rise too, to no one's surprise.

These blanket statements have always rubbed me the wrong way, because the sentiment is based in faith rather than logic. The it gets better crowd can never tell you exactly how it magically gets better, or what needs to happen for things to improve in a person's life.. They can only attempt to instill blind hope and optimism in you. Forgive me for not being a devout believer, live love laugh enjoyers.

It's especially pernicious to hear when you've got chronic health problems, whether those ailments be physical or mental, which are getting worse over time. I've had chronic pain for years now and it's not improved in the slightest. No one can escape the curse of aging either.

Also, I've found that the responsibilities really compound in adulthood in a way that's far too overwhelming if you've already got shit on your plate. The struggle for survival goes from a tongue in cheek saying, to an everyday reality.

No one cares about the hardships of older adults, unless that adult has a child they are responsible for. Being told to grow up, get your shit together, the world doesn't owe you anything- on top of constantly getting shovelled other tough love, bootstrapper-core talking points- is commonplace for lone adults. We're assumed to be fully functional all on our own, and no one cares if our needs aren't met. It's us against the world, and no one is coming to save us, as individuals.

This unfortunate reality is why I vehemently disagree with the it gets better no matter what spiel coming from brain dead tiktok motivational speakers. In my case, it was the polar opposite, because the support I received as a child was paltry, and the opportunities only continued to dry up as I aged. Being autistic and getting diagnosed as a teenager, I was told straight up that there was nothing that could be done to help me. Every resource out there was for children. I had missed the starting gun, and there was no coming back from it. For me, it has only gotten worse because there is no true help out there, and I am unable to follow the linear life script of build career - > marry - > pop out 2.5 kids.

Imagine slowly dying of dehydration in a desert, all while you're being told tales of a miraculous oasis that exists in the horizon, a marvelous well that will quench your thirst forever. To reach that salvation, all you have to do is keep trudging along and waiting for time to pass. Eventually, you reach the well only to find it dried up and battered by the elements. If only you'd charted a different course, or arrived sooner, maybe the well would still be intact. Yet, everyone keeps telling you that the well isn't really empty, you just have to be patient and wait for the water to return. All while you're succumbing to thirst, and hunger too, because the demands of life aren't going to cease to exist simply due to your pain. But people still keep reassuring you the well will prosper once again.

That is how I conceptualise the faulty logic behind it ALWAYS gets better.

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

This is an it's different for everyone matter. If anything in my opinion, it gets worse as you age because your responsibilities get more intense while also juggling mental illness. I thought I had it so bad being depressed as a kid..it's only got worse with age.

The "it gets better" is such a lie to me. Maybe if you have some sort of situational based depression it works that way is the only type of depression that may get better if that situation changes. Often times chronic depression isn't though

 

[foreverfalling]

It's a 'how are you?' answer, the only acceptable thing to say is 'it gets better', so it's a totally meaningless phrase, said by someone that does not care nor give a shit about you.

If I had stretch it, then I'd say it gets better in that it's the age where you've gotten a large enough dose of reality to drop childhood fantasies and illusions. It's easier to accept whatever happens in life because you've seen it all already. When studying at school, I felt it was a life or death situation to get good grades, if I didn't I'd be a failure, because my whole life was ahead of me. But now I feel like I've lived half my life, it may even end soon, so it is slightly calmer in a way.

It doesn't get better in that the responsibilities keep piling up and never stop. What you had to do 10 years ago, you still have to do today, plus more, because people aren't looking after you any more. You're getting older, less health, less energy, less youth. And more expectations, more and more. If I can't handle my life now, how can I handle it with more responsibilities and expectations, while having less and less energy?

 

[Rogue]

No, it doesn't get better. I'm 52 at least for me it didn't get better.

 

[whatevs]

It got better for me in my late 20s but because I put in the fucking work for it. I'm still looking at the precipice but from a safer distance.* There's some merit though, in the idea that you reach neurological maturity at that age period, I think.

* Or should I say, I'm searching for the CORRECT precipice. My statement wasn't about mindless animal preservation. I'm searching for a way out of the nightmare of life. In the meantime, let's not make it harder than it is. That's maturity for me.

 

[Darkover]

it never gets any better just worse the longer life goes on for