Someone please help

[123hopeitspainfree]

I can't deal with waiting any longer I've been trying to find sn with not much luck I found out fentanyl was banned on most dark web marketplaces I don't want a failed attempt I can't afford to not have success but also don't want to look mangled to where my family can't at least see me to say their goodbyes I'm open to any info on what the after effects of sn look like I joined in 2020 and things got better but now they are more worse then its ever been and I might up end using the partial leaning method i forgot the name but when i joined way back that that was the main thing i was seeing since full suspension isnt isn't an option for me and I don't think I can make it that much longer before I do a stupid half assed thing i also liked the idea of not knowing that I was dying inert gas fent overdose or sn being the least Favorite method out of the three

 

[FuneralCry]

All that anyone can do, if they wish to ctb is to do their own research into methods and decide what is best for themselves. That is what this forum is for after all. But I do hate this world that makes it so unnecessarily complicated and difficult for us to die, and I get that it's awful feeling trapped here when all that you wish for is to leave. Of course I wish that suicide is easier more than anything, but I hope that you find the freedom you are looking for.

 

[theboy]

according to some threads I have read here, there are no long-term side effects.

 

[123hopeitspainfree]

according to some threads I have read here, there are no long-term side effects.

As in physically?

 

[purplehearted]

I haven't had much luck finding SN either, it's quite hard in my country. My only advice would be to wait, every time i've attempted whilst under distress it didn't work and I ended up in a psych ward. You're more likely to make mistakes and I would hate that to happen to you. I'm so sorry life has been so cruel to you.

 

[theboy]

As in physically?

physics and psychology

 

[123hopeitspainfree]

@purplehearted yea man life is hard on alot of people but for others it's unbearably hard I take it everyone on this website is part of that percentage of people I also find it weird most people with S.I can really see the world for what it is and how fucked up it is and everyone in it I'm a heroin addicted who has never harmed a single person my entire life yet I'm on the run facing 10 years behind bars for retail thefts that they raised to burglary charges my car was stolen and I caught my girlfriend cheating on me and the fucked up part is she won't leave even though she said she feels trapped and that she leaves to go meet up with some guy and I can't call the cops because if I do I go to jail so I'm stuck in a fucking hell hole I spent majority of my youth years in jail from the age of 12-18 I spent a total of 6 years in and out for smoking weed on probation our justice system if fucked I can't go into a court room without being on the verge of passing out when I'm around the police I am terrified even when I have no reason 2 be and those are the main things I've been feeling the worst about it's 3 of my biggest fears all at once being back in a cell the intense heroin withdrawls and on top of it all losing the love of my life who've I've spent the last 8 years out of my 30yrs on this planet that's literally a 3rd of my life wasted on being addicted to heroin and with her

 

[purplehearted]

@purplehearted yea man life is hard on alot of people but for others it's unbearably hard I take it everyone on this website is part of that percentage of people I also find it weird most people with S.I can really see the world for what it is and how fucked up it is and everyone in it I'm a heroin addicted who has never harmed a single person my entire life yet I'm on the run facing 10 years behind bars for retail thefts that they raised to burglary charges my car was stolen and I caught my girlfriend cheating on me and the fucked up part is she won't leave even though she said she feels trapped and that she leaves to go meet up with some guy and I can't call the cops because if I do I go to jail so I'm stuck in a fucking hell hole I spent majority of my youth years in jail from the age of 12-18 I spent a total of 6 years in and out for smoking weed on probation our justice system if fucked I can't go into a court room without being on the verge of passing out when I'm around the police I am terrified even when I have no reason 2 be and those are the main things I've been feeling the worst about it's 3 of my biggest fears all at once being back in a cell the intense heroin withdrawls and on top of it all losing the love of my life who've I've spent the last 8 years out of my 30yrs on this planet that's literally a 3rd of my life wasted on being addicted to heroin and with her

I agree, people with SI can genuinely see the world for what it really is. Something that causes endless pain and suffering to us. I'm so sorry that life has been so cruel to you. I'm 21 and heading down a similar path, came from a broken abusive home, lost my money to cocaine and addicted to Xanax. My ex who promised never to leave and who i loved and adored blocked me on everything because i told him about my childhood trauma and suicidal ideation, he told all our friends, his parents and i feel so humiliated and abandoned.
The pain adds up every single day and my urge to CTB gets stronger. I'm also so terrified of cops because I watched them beat my aunt up when i was a kid

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through man. People are fucking awful and cruel. Is there a way you can get away from your ex? But i'm worried if you try she could call the cops on you :(

 

[123hopeitspainfree]

Yea no I tried I told her I can't be around her I'm going to ctb and she doesn't care she pretended she did she did a great job at pretending until recently and honestly the pretending was better I try to act like everything is normal but I guess im not as good at pretending as her if she gave a single fuck about me she wouldn't leave me by myself to go be with some other guy knowing how fucking depressed I am it's okay I'll be home in about a hour when she leaves I'm going to try and with any success I succeed
@purplehearted I'm sorry that your going through what your going through I would say it does get better but for people like us the S.i will always creep back up I joined 2 years ago and i was certain that i wouldn't be here today but then she was willing to stop being a hoe and work on shit but Here I am back in the same boat but it's Even worse this time because the last time was just her talking to that person not sneaking out to go see him I never hated and loved someone so much in my life

 

[quietam pacem12]

Alles, was jeder tun kann, wenn er ctb möchte, ist, seine eigenen Methoden zu erforschen und zu entscheiden, was für ihn am besten ist. Dafür ist dieses Forum schließlich da. Aber ich hasse diese Welt, die es uns so unnötig kompliziert und schwer macht zu sterben, und ich verstehe, dass es ein schreckliches Gefühl ist, hier gefangen zu sein, wenn man sich nur wünscht, zu gehen. Natürlich wünsche ich mir vor allem, dass der Suizid einfacher ist, aber ich hoffe, dass du die Freiheit findest, die du suchst.

Kann ich mich anschließen und zustimmen

 

[Lonerzepam]

Kann ich mich anschließen und zustimmen

Schön das du noch hier bist, hab deinen Post gesehen als du mit H und Benzos overdosen wolltest, dachte du wärst bereits gone. Ich hoff dir geht's etwas besser und wünsch dir viel Kraft und Erfolg was auch immer deine Entscheidung sein mag.

 

[makethepainstop]

@purplehearted yea man life is hard on alot of people but for others it's unbearably hard I take it everyone on this website is part of that percentage of people I also find it weird most people with S.I can really see the world for what it is and how fucked up it is and everyone in it I'm a heroin addicted who has never harmed a single person my entire life yet I'm on the run facing 10 years behind bars for retail thefts that they raised to burglary charges my car was stolen and I caught my girlfriend cheating on me and the fucked up part is she won't leave even though she said she feels trapped and that she leaves to go meet up with some guy and I can't call the cops because if I do I go to jail so I'm stuck in a fucking hell hole I spent majority of my youth years in jail from the age of 12-18 I spent a total of 6 years in and out for smoking weed on probation our justice system if fucked I can't go into a court room without being on the verge of passing out when I'm around the police I am terrified even when I have no reason 2 be and those are the main things I've been feeling the worst about it's 3 of my biggest fears all at once being back in a cell the intense heroin withdrawls and on top of it all losing the love of my life who've I've spent the last 8 years out of my 30yrs on this planet that's literally a 3rd of my life wasted on being addicted to heroin and with her

The justice system has pretty much screwed you, BIG time. I really don't know what to say, ten years seems a bit excessive to me for heroin possession. God if anyone on here deserves to have help it's you, dude. Though I gotta say you must be a pretty tough guy to have survived all of that.

 

[quietam pacem12]

Schön das du noch hier bist, hab deinen Post gesehen als du mit H und Benzos overdosen wolltest, dachte du wärst bereits weg. Ich hoffe dir geht's etwas besser und wünsch dir viel Kraft und Erfolg was auch immer deine Entscheidung sein mag.

Ich finde es nicht gut und jeder Tag ist eine Qual. Ich denke nur mit Tabletten. Die richtige Mischung finden.
Aber danke

 

[Lonerzepam]

Ich finde es nicht gut und jeder Tag ist eine Qual. Ich denke nur mit Tabletten. Die richtige Mischung finden.
Aber danke

Es geht mir leider genauso...ich weiß der Spruch ist mies aber...geteiltes leid ist halbes leid oder xD
Ich wünsch dir alles gute :)

 

[quietam pacem12]

Es geht mir leider genauso...ich weiß der Spruch ist mies aber...geteiltes leid ist halbes leid oder xD
Ich wünsch dir alles Gute :)

Ich dir auch