some thots on suicidality and community

[ge0rge]

although this'll sound very edgy of me, I think it's a blessing to be suicidal and not have a big, caring family or a tightknit group of friends. Having all that means you get to leave a lot of hurt behind.

mind, I don't think suicide is selfish or a bad idea, but if you've gotta be suicidal, at least make sure you're friendless and without too much caring family. that way nobody gets hurt.

and before someone counters with 'who'd even bother being suicidal if they had friends and family?' I'd say 'a lot of people, actually'

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I agree. My one friend and mum... the idea of hurting them pains me so much. I've already put them through so much in these 27 years of life. It'd be easier if I didn't have them. Easier to CTB.

 

[Zaphkiel]

Begone thot

 

[Justnotme]

I understand you... And your words didn't sound harsh.
I also think that I don't want to hurt Mom and Dad... And I also have cats that I love.
And I often think that if I didn't have these people and animals, it would be much easier for me to commit suicide.
Because this world is absolutely not for me.

I am 26 years old.
I've never had many friends, but my friend knows what's going on with me. Gradually, I stopped our communication so that she would think less about me, so that our friendship would disappear, so that she would focus on her life, which she wants to live unlike me

 

[SpiderLink]

although this'll sound very edgy of me, I think it's a blessing to be suicidal and not have a big, caring family or a tightknit group of friends. Having all that means you get to leave a lot of hurt behind.

mind, I don't think suicide is selfish or a bad idea, but if you've gotta be suicidal, at least make sure you're friendless and without too much caring family. that way nobody gets hurt.

and before someone counters with 'who'd even bother being suicidal if they had friends and family?' I'd say 'a lot of people, actually'

the problem is, if you survive you will have no one there for you. therefore leaving you in a worse state, personally i wont do that but i just hope they will forgive me, althought I agree it just can be hard and for me i could see that ending terribly.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think it's true that a lot of people struggle with leaving other people behind and it's understandable to feel in such a way, I think for many they wouldn't feel so trapped here if they were completely alone, but anyway no matter what happens we all have to die someday and eventually I bet that most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here.

 

[Valky]

I do think it's true that a lot of people struggle with leaving other people behind and it's understandable to feel in such a way, I think for many they wouldn't feel so trapped here if they were completely alone, but anyway no matter what happens we all have to die someday and eventually I bet that most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here.

First thing I 100% agree with, well said :)

 

[stressedmess]

This actually made me feel better about having zero friends/family Thank you for this perspective!

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

This actually made me feel better about having zero friends/family Thank you for this perspective!

What happened to them l mean can understand not having friends because that can be a choice but what about your family ??

 

[stressedmess]

What happened to them l mean can understand not having friends because that can be a choice but what about your family ??

My family has never cared for me because I was an accidental birth. My mother has no interest in me, and my father has passed already.

I don't have any friends due to my health (mental & physical). It's been hard to connect and maintain relationships!

I hope you live a less lonely life

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

My family has never cared for me because I was an accidental birth. My mother has no interest in me, and my father has passed already.

I don't have any friends due to my health (mental & physical). It's been hard to connect and maintain relationships!

I hope you live a less lonely life

Me I'm not lonely and I have hardly been lonely I actually find humans to be troublesome as I have seen a lot friendships involving a lot of backstabbing and it's just plain too toxic for my liking.

I actually do enjoy my own company because I have my peace of mind and I wish I knew this ages ago.

These things don't even matter to me anymore as I will be completing ctb soon.

I'm just content being here on this forum or listening to music.

What's wrong with your physical health ??

 

[stressedmess]

Me I'm not lonely and I have hardly been lonely I actually find humans to be troublesome as I have seen a lot friendships involving a lot of backstabbing and it's just plain too toxic for my liking.

I actually do enjoy my own company because I have my peace of mind and I wish I knew this ages ago.

These things don't even matter to me anymore as I will be completing ctb soon.

I'm just content being here on this forum or listening to music.

What's wrong with your physical health ??

People are very toxic. Nothing I see is what it seems to be. Nobody IRL is honest or genuine. I'm not sure how so many people are content and happy like that. I wish I could learn.

I am envious of your calm state of mind and hope I can think like you one day too. I want to be content but I am starting to think I won't be until I ctb.

As for my health… I sustained a brain injury due to a car accident and have regained the ability to walk & eat but am left with a poor cognitive function. In real life I have difficulty with my speech, memory, and judgement. As if my depression wasn't enough, God blessed me with a disability too

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

People are very toxic. Nothing I see is what it seems to be. Nobody IRL is honest or genuine. I'm not sure how so many people are content and happy like that. I wish I could learn.

I am envious of your calm state of mind and hope I can think like you one day too. I want to be content but I am starting to think I won't be until I ctb.

As for my health… I sustained a brain injury due to a car accident and have regained the ability to walk & eat but am left with a poor cognitive function. In real life I have difficulty with my speech, memory, and judgement. As if my depression wasn't enough, God blessed me with a disability too

There is a lot of people who prefer their own company than other people. I do love living by myself and it is pure bliss as I can do whatever I want without anybody's interference.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through, me I might sound calm but my mind is consumed with suicidal thoughts as that's the only thing I'm looking forward to.

I hope things will get better for you.

 

[stressedmess]

There is a lot of people who prefer their own company than other people. I do love living by myself and it is pure bliss as I can do whatever I want without anybody's interference.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through, me I might sound calm but my mind is consumed with suicidal thoughts as that's the only thing I'm looking forward to.

I hope things will get better for you.

I hope things get better for you too. You are kind hearted and deserve the kindness you showed me today. Thank you

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah- it's kind of a double edged sword isn't it? Someone who has next to no family/ friends/ support system MAYBE has a higher chance of being suicidal to begin with but- has fewer ties to keep them here if they decide to go.

I think the people I feel the worst for is those that experienced ideation but believed they could recover. So, (naturally) they followed the advice to go out there and form friendships/ relationships- but they find themselves back here but now feel tremendous guilt and anxiety about what their suicide might do to their new found loved ones. That's got to suck. I'm not falling for that trap!

 

[The anhedonic one]

Been a loner most of my life.
Cut ties with my toxic family ages ago.
Just me alone in this shitshow world.
Life is much simpler that way.
Especially when planning CTB.

 

[Kerock]

yeah its a shame ive been cursed with empathy and because it i cant cut myself off from my family, even though they treated me like shit.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I was raised (by narcissistic & neglectful parents) to give everything of myself to others and be a caretaker (even as a child). Now that I'm middle aged, I have so much anger toward the few people I still have in my life. I am in great need of help... and once again, it's on me to take care of things. There is conditional help from others, and it comes with discomfort and triggers of past trauma. So I don't feel responsible for how people will feel when they lose me.

 

[Slasher]

I can kind of understand what you mean with it being a blessing and it making you able to leave a lot of hurt behind but if I got the chance to trade my life in for a better, more happy one I wouldn't even have to think about it. every time I go out with family and I see a dad and his child being happy it gets to me cause It's something I didn't really get.

suicide in my opinion isn't selfish but I can also understand how people would think it's selfish.
I just can't seem to care about people, family, friends, pets, close ones etc. it doesn't really register in my brain that they are living, breathing, feeling creatures too so I never really struggled with the idea of the effect I'll have on the ones close to me.

 

[absolomonisgone]

Always was a loner for as long as I can remember. I was also an accidental birth. Mom, dad cousins- age 16. Mom ran away immediately after birth. Raised by old grannies who died then send to boarding school at 9. Mom had other kids. She was...., Didn't want inconvenience, so she gave them to her sisters to raise them, only sending money for their upkeep...,. So, basically, I never had a family. She was damn selfish. When I got of age, she bankrupted herself and wanted me to now start taking care of her. She played the parent/guilting me card...., She messed me up. Well, nobody can ever understand this.
Except my uncles and aunts...., Behind her back, they say and advise their kids how not to be.
I'm a monster to everyone, except for my uncles and aunts who understand the story.
Now that she's old, I hope she now sees how selfishness works.
She ruined me, my brother and my sister. She has the last born sister whom she raised and lived with her and she turned ok. As for me, I turned out an alcoholic with a suicidal date, my brother is in jail and the other sister ended up extremely very poor..., I educated her kids and one is an engineer, 2 still in school....., They will never know why I was a bad man. Why I could never get my life together. Why I got drunk and avoided people.
They will never know why I killed myself.
I killed myself because I was never loved.
I was never made to know what it is to be human. I was something to be fed, taken to school, clothed...., A nuisance to be kept alive. My mum just paid for my meals, school fees, provisions, etc. Like I was a property of sorts to be maintained.
WHAT DID THAT KID who I Was THINK?