Some personal musings and thoughts on courage

[LOVELYDARKDEEP]

I've set a CTB date for later on this year - trying to get all the funeral planning done and I'm also waiting on a few meetings with my attorney to get her set up as the executor of my estate, review my will, etc. Basically just trying to make sure all my t's are crossed and i's are dotted so that everything kicks off without a hitch as soon as I'm gone.

My nerves have finally started to settle down, I initially had a bit of a mental breakdown as I came to terms with my fate.

It seems that everybody fears death, at the end. But I'm reminded that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that something else is more important than fear. " (T. Roosevelt)

It has also helped me to focus not on that which will be lost, but all that can stand to be gained. I have to opportunity to deliver the most powerful and compelling message I will ever have the opportunity to share in my lifetime with my passing. I'm also more than ready to be free of the pain and burdens I've carried for so many years now.

I was very struck by a quote in the newest Dragon's Dogma as well: "Yet if thy will is set on beholding the truth, thou must demonstrate it's strength. Prove through thy actions that thou canst cast off this wheel."

I have the opportunity to make my death meaningful and send a message that has a good chance of making a positive difference, at least within the limits of my social circle and to my loved ones. After all, if I'm going to go out, I'm going to go out bitching about everything that's wrong with this hellscape of a country and with the world as a whole to boot. I'm definitely a doomer and have no desire to end up as a participant in the flaming train wreck the powers that be are accelerating towards. I sincerely believe we'll see large scale societal collapse within the next fifty years as capitalist systems continue to prioritize shareholder interests over ethics, sustainabile practices, human lives, and the health of the planet. According to my research, my education opinion is that we're already feeling some of the first labor pains of that catastrophe, and we're far past the point where meaningful change could have been affected. I have no interest in being one of the powerless individuals forced to bear the brunt of those consequences as the world elite carry on as if they had been invited to a smash-and-grab fire sale while evading any responsibility for their actions.

I should also be able to get the people I leave behind set up rather comfortably - I definitely have the opportunity to bless the people I care about abundantly.

Considering the fact that my health has been declining rapidly anyway, and that I'm bound to burn through my life savings in less than a year given the current cost of living and uselessness of medical and disability programs in the US, my plan to catch the bus is likely the best possible outcome.

And I still have at least a few months to settle my nerves and process my feelings on the subject.

I'm planning on using SN and I have access to some fairly powerful painkillers to ease the process. I also have a beautiful, isolated spot in the wilderness picked out, and I plan to spend my final days in meditation and solitude.

I think that in the end, it will be just like flying. One only has to have the strength to take that last, gut-lurching step.

I'll just have to remember to be brave. (Did you forget that we all die, in the end?)

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[INTJme]

I've set a CTB date for later on this year - trying to get all the funeral planning done and I'm also waiting on a few meetings with my attorney to get her set up as the executor of my estate, review my will, etc. Basically just trying to make sure all my t's are crossed and i's are dotted so that everything kicks off without a hitch as soon as I'm gone.

My nerves have finally started to settle down, I initially had a bit of a mental breakdown as I came to terms with my fate.

It seems that everybody fears death, at the end. But I'm reminded that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that something else is more important than fear. " (T. Roosevelt)

It has also helped me to focus not on that which will be lost, but all that can stand to be gained. I have to opportunity to deliver the most powerful and compelling message I will ever have the opportunity to share in my lifetime with my passing. I'm also more than ready to be free of the pain and burdens I've carried for so many years now.

I was very struck by a quote in the newest Dragon's Dogma as well: "Yet if thy will is set on beholding the truth, thou must demonstrate it's strength. Prove through thy actions that thou canst cast off this wheel."

I have the opportunity to make my death meaningful and send a message that has a good chance of making a positive difference, at least within the limits of my social circle and to my loved ones. After all, if I'm going to go out, I'm going to go out bitching about everything that's wrong with this hellscape of a country and with the world as a whole to boot. I'm definitely a doomer and have no desire to end up as a participant in the flaming train wreck the powers that be are accelerating towards. I sincerely believe we'll see large scale societal collapse within the next fifty years as capitalist systems continue to prioritize shareholder interests over ethics, sustainabile practices, human lives, and the health of the planet. According to my research, my education opinion is that we're already feeling some of the first labor pains of that catastrophe, and we're far past the point where meaningful change could have been affected. I have no interest in being one of the powerless individuals forced to bear the brunt of those consequences as the world elite carry on as if they had been invited to a smash-and-grab fire sale while evading any responsibility for their actions.

I should also be able to get the people I leave behind set up rather comfortably - I definitely have the opportunity to bless the people I care about abundantly.

Considering the fact that my health has been declining rapidly anyway, and that I'm bound to burn through my life savings in less than a year given the current cost of living and uselessness of medical and disability programs in the US, my plan to catch the bus is likely the best possible outcome.

And I still have at least a few months to settle my nerves and process my feelings on the subject.

I'm planning on using SN and I have access to some fairly powerful painkillers to ease the process. I also have a beautiful, isolated spot in the wilderness picked out, and I plan to spend my final days in meditation and solitude.

I think that in the end, it will be just like flying. One only has to have the strength to take that last, gut-lurching step.

I'll just have to remember to be brave. (Did you forget that we all die, in the end?)

Poignant but powerful! I feel you, mate. Wishing you strength, conviction and eternal peace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that something else is more important than fear. " (T. Roosevelt)

I love that quote and I think it's so true. I think it also sums up why some people will fight their fears and problems in life- because they still see something meaningful in life to keep going- 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway'- right? But others of us feel strongly that this life won't be worth our effort. So, we'll have to overcome our fears of death in order to rest. Shame there isn't a third option that doesn't involve being shit scared.

 

[LOVELYDARKDEEP]

I love that quote and I think it's so true. I think it also sums up why some people will fight their fears and problems in life- because they still see something meaningful in life to keep going- 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway'- right? But others of us feel strongly that this life won't be worth our effort. So, we'll have to overcome our fears of death in order to rest. Shame there isn't a third option that doesn't involve being shit scared.

Absolutely right.

 

[Dliena]

Am hoping you are to pursue everlasting freedom and peace of your desire OP.

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

I've set a CTB date for later on this year - trying to get all the funeral planning done and I'm also waiting on a few meetings with my attorney to get her set up as the executor of my estate, review my will, etc. Basically just trying to make sure all my t's are crossed and i's are dotted so that everything kicks off without a hitch as soon as I'm gone.

My nerves have finally started to settle down, I initially had a bit of a mental breakdown as I came to terms with my fate.

It seems that everybody fears death, at the end. But I'm reminded that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that something else is more important than fear. " (T. Roosevelt)

It has also helped me to focus not on that which will be lost, but all that can stand to be gained. I have to opportunity to deliver the most powerful and compelling message I will ever have the opportunity to share in my lifetime with my passing. I'm also more than ready to be free of the pain and burdens I've carried for so many years now.

I was very struck by a quote in the newest Dragon's Dogma as well: "Yet if thy will is set on beholding the truth, thou must demonstrate it's strength. Prove through thy actions that thou canst cast off this wheel."

I have the opportunity to make my death meaningful and send a message that has a good chance of making a positive difference, at least within the limits of my social circle and to my loved ones. After all, if I'm going to go out, I'm going to go out bitching about everything that's wrong with this hellscape of a country and with the world as a whole to boot. I'm definitely a doomer and have no desire to end up as a participant in the flaming train wreck the powers that be are accelerating towards. I sincerely believe we'll see large scale societal collapse within the next fifty years as capitalist systems continue to prioritize shareholder interests over ethics, sustainabile practices, human lives, and the health of the planet. According to my research, my education opinion is that we're already feeling some of the first labor pains of that catastrophe, and we're far past the point where meaningful change could have been affected. I have no interest in being one of the powerless individuals forced to bear the brunt of those consequences as the world elite carry on as if they had been invited to a smash-and-grab fire sale while evading any responsibility for their actions.

I should also be able to get the people I leave behind set up rather comfortably - I definitely have the opportunity to bless the people I care about abundantly.

Considering the fact that my health has been declining rapidly anyway, and that I'm bound to burn through my life savings in less than a year given the current cost of living and uselessness of medical and disability programs in the US, my plan to catch the bus is likely the best possible outcome.

And I still have at least a few months to settle my nerves and process my feelings on the subject.

I'm planning on using SN and I have access to some fairly powerful painkillers to ease the process. I also have a beautiful, isolated spot in the wilderness picked out, and I plan to spend my final days in meditation and solitude.

I think that in the end, it will be just like flying. One only has to have the strength to take that last, gut-lurching step.

I'll just have to remember to be brave. (Did you forget that we all die, in the end?)

Powerfull message thank you! Your words help me getting courage in my process of CTBing as well.
Good luck.