fishygirl
in the end, nothing matters
- Sep 17, 2023
- 181
im 21, female, and have absolutely no other friends besides my boyfriend. T_T i get along with his friends, but theyre not my friends and i dont interact with them unless my bf is involved.
im in between jobs, and not currently in school so i just spend all day alone. i dont even have online friends.
i like to go into the city and hope i look cool enough that somone will approach me first, and then i can fantasize that we'll become best friends forever and hang out all the time.
but whenever someone does approach me, i clam up and can only say 1 word sentences until i can awkwardly speed walk away.
then, i inwardly freak out and curse myself for being a frog and wish i could wash off the interaction from my skin like a bloody stain!
it sucks. i feel scared all the time of being completely alone if my bf ever leaves me. part of me feels daring and wants to talk to strangers- the other wants to crawl into a hole the moment i talk to anyone without my bf with me.
and thats just part of it. my bf is crazy jealous. theres been some incidents that seem to have just made his feelings worse. if i go outside anywhere to do anything without a thorough explanation, it falls under his scrutiny.
if i want to explicitly go anywhere by myself, he insists on going with me. if i refuse, he accuses me of being sneaky.
for the most part, it doesnt bother me. hes otherwise an amazing boyfriend and overall human being. but it gets to a point... and its really limiting me from exploring.
does anyone have any tips to make friends?? if youre in nyc please feel free to message me as well... >_<
im in between jobs, and not currently in school so i just spend all day alone. i dont even have online friends.
i like to go into the city and hope i look cool enough that somone will approach me first, and then i can fantasize that we'll become best friends forever and hang out all the time.
but whenever someone does approach me, i clam up and can only say 1 word sentences until i can awkwardly speed walk away.
then, i inwardly freak out and curse myself for being a frog and wish i could wash off the interaction from my skin like a bloody stain!
it sucks. i feel scared all the time of being completely alone if my bf ever leaves me. part of me feels daring and wants to talk to strangers- the other wants to crawl into a hole the moment i talk to anyone without my bf with me.
and thats just part of it. my bf is crazy jealous. theres been some incidents that seem to have just made his feelings worse. if i go outside anywhere to do anything without a thorough explanation, it falls under his scrutiny.
if i want to explicitly go anywhere by myself, he insists on going with me. if i refuse, he accuses me of being sneaky.
for the most part, it doesnt bother me. hes otherwise an amazing boyfriend and overall human being. but it gets to a point... and its really limiting me from exploring.
does anyone have any tips to make friends?? if youre in nyc please feel free to message me as well... >_<
