Forthy414
Facing to give up
- Jul 2, 2024
- 7
i think i already posted a thread talking about some situation with my girlfriend, now ex girlfriend. worst stuff happened in the middle of the relationship, it sucked more, we depended on empty sex to keep being together, i started to lose feelings because of her actions slowly, started losing hope on the relationship to a point i just ended it
what i didn't expect at this point was my now former best friend getting in a relationship with her. i wasn't really mad, just very dissapointed because it took a very short time, and also felt kind of alone because i lost them both without really wanting to. but it's okay, i could live with that, just as i kept doing my whole life.
but my whole life has been this, misery, living in a shitty city with shitty people, autism fucking me around, parents fighting everytime, having a more succesfull big brother, suicidal thoughts since nine, queerness, gender dysphoria, complicated sexuality, homophobic country, homophobic friends, homophobic parents, chronically online, raped, bullied, ugly, uncomfortable.
eventually i found a better friend group, at least. they keeping me alive at this point, one friend gifted me a baby kitten and saved me from attempting in my university.
i shouldn't care about it but i'm pretty sure i've been getting very fucked up allegations from my ex girlfriend which i never did, and sadly it's highly likely they will believe it and see me as basically a criminal. i would never do any of this, i've lived through it and she just doesn't seem to care to fuck my life, she's a coward and a liar tho so it won't ever go really public, it's just pathetic. but i can still feel most of her circle which was once my circle hate me and see me as the worst human possible.
even though, as the title says, so far everything's... calm, i find comfort in alcohol when i can drink it, in sleeping, in not sleeping and in playing whatever comes... but i still feel suicidal, cause i've been it for so long i think it's the main state, i wouldn't mind dying, except for just something right now: i have an MCR concert in january next year with my female best friend, she's lovely, 99% lesbian (even though i consider myself as nonbinary i doubt she'll ever see me as something romantic, but i dont really care, i'd actually rather keep her as a friend) so, basically, there's just some small thing in the way keeping me from CTB.
but now, i live in a country where weapons are illegal, and i'm too autistic and useless to tie a knot or basically perform hanging in any way, and i dont find many tall buildings and dont want this to go THAT way... so, what would an easy (i dont care if painful) method for autistic useless people like me would there be? no science no chemicals or stuff like that, i'm just that useless.
i hope someone answers
what i didn't expect at this point was my now former best friend getting in a relationship with her. i wasn't really mad, just very dissapointed because it took a very short time, and also felt kind of alone because i lost them both without really wanting to. but it's okay, i could live with that, just as i kept doing my whole life.
but my whole life has been this, misery, living in a shitty city with shitty people, autism fucking me around, parents fighting everytime, having a more succesfull big brother, suicidal thoughts since nine, queerness, gender dysphoria, complicated sexuality, homophobic country, homophobic friends, homophobic parents, chronically online, raped, bullied, ugly, uncomfortable.
eventually i found a better friend group, at least. they keeping me alive at this point, one friend gifted me a baby kitten and saved me from attempting in my university.
i shouldn't care about it but i'm pretty sure i've been getting very fucked up allegations from my ex girlfriend which i never did, and sadly it's highly likely they will believe it and see me as basically a criminal. i would never do any of this, i've lived through it and she just doesn't seem to care to fuck my life, she's a coward and a liar tho so it won't ever go really public, it's just pathetic. but i can still feel most of her circle which was once my circle hate me and see me as the worst human possible.
even though, as the title says, so far everything's... calm, i find comfort in alcohol when i can drink it, in sleeping, in not sleeping and in playing whatever comes... but i still feel suicidal, cause i've been it for so long i think it's the main state, i wouldn't mind dying, except for just something right now: i have an MCR concert in january next year with my female best friend, she's lovely, 99% lesbian (even though i consider myself as nonbinary i doubt she'll ever see me as something romantic, but i dont really care, i'd actually rather keep her as a friend) so, basically, there's just some small thing in the way keeping me from CTB.
but now, i live in a country where weapons are illegal, and i'm too autistic and useless to tie a knot or basically perform hanging in any way, and i dont find many tall buildings and dont want this to go THAT way... so, what would an easy (i dont care if painful) method for autistic useless people like me would there be? no science no chemicals or stuff like that, i'm just that useless.
i hope someone answers
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