Hi all,
I've recently tried to start getting into using my social media again slowly, but surely. It's been hard due to my C-PTSD, it makes it very challenging for me to do things that don't seem difficult to others because I am just trying to avoid potentional triggers as best as I can. I've been avoiding opening instagram, snapchat, etc for the past 2 years for half a year up to a year at a time, mostly after my ex cheated on me and after I started getting recommended the various accounts he used to hide the cheating on and the people he followed. It was too much for me and too uncomfortable to use the apps and to see that.
Since this January I've tried to find some strenght and normalcy in my life, which included trying to resume the use of these medias. I haven't talked to half of my friends in over a year because of my ex and because of the social media aversion. I wanted to get back to communicating and being open about my life, to being myself.
As a part of my current attempt to recover, I've tried to get answers from my ex about his recent cheating on me when I was pregnant and him leading me on for the past year, while he apparently had another partner/mistress living with him for the majority of this time while he told me he has nothing and nobody but me. He has not given me any answers and instead keeps me hanging around still and make false hope statements instead of actually just giving me an answer and closure which is all I want so I can maybe stop having nightmares about him.
7 days ago I wrote him a final email about how I was going to try and find answers and closure with a psychologist regarding him since he's withholding closure from me for some reason and since I cannot expect an answer from him anymore regarding this confusing situation. I just wanted closure because I'm haunted by a lot of PTSD nightmares about him now. I have not contacted, looked up, spoken to or had anything to do with him or anyone he knows since then. It's been ok, until yesterday and today. These past 2 days I've been seeing his entire following list on Instagram as my top recommended suggestions to follow. These are people that I've never spokent to, I don't know them, I've never gone to their profile before, never liked or commented on their stuff and I don't have their contact information. The only person who hasn't shown up from his follow list is his "partner?" who I did block 2 months ago because they kind of creeped me out and scared me since they are a violent abusive person, and his new mistress because apparently today he now has started publically cheating on his current partner with her best friend again? I don't know, I have no idea what's going on with these people. I only noticed all of these bizzare things today after I started getting a overwhelming amount of his network recommended to me. First it was just his brother which was fine, got no problems with his family and his brother is the person that I understand the most in their family. But then I started getting weirded out by the amount of people my ex follows that started appearing after that today, it made me start shaking physically. I don't easily start shaking, but if something triggers my PTSD a lot then it starts happening. Been shaking for a few hours. I'm so confused by the situation and now I'm even more confused. It's hard because I'm just trying to live normally again and to move on, and I felt like I was maybe able to do so. Then this pops up and triggers me for the past couple days. I sent him an email about it some hours ago because I'm so uncomfortable. I probably wont get any answers from it, but maybe he will read it and understand that this is not fun for me and I don't like this situation. I don't know what triggered the suggestions, I don't know what Instagram's algorythm is regarding this, but I wish it would stop. This is the main reason why I stopped using it a couple years ago so it's frustrating.
What also confuses me more is that he's now pursuing his partners best friend who he's cheated on her and me with a couple times before. The only 2 times that I've seen this happen, it has been right before him having a big mental breakdown and might be consuming a lot of drugs and alcohol. So I feel triggered in the sense that this is uncomfortable and also because I feel bad because what if he's back in that same breakdown mode again? I don't know what to do. It makes me feel guilty and awful.
I've recently tried to start getting into using my social media again slowly, but surely. It's been hard due to my C-PTSD, it makes it very challenging for me to do things that don't seem difficult to others because I am just trying to avoid potentional triggers as best as I can. I've been avoiding opening instagram, snapchat, etc for the past 2 years for half a year up to a year at a time, mostly after my ex cheated on me and after I started getting recommended the various accounts he used to hide the cheating on and the people he followed. It was too much for me and too uncomfortable to use the apps and to see that.
Since this January I've tried to find some strenght and normalcy in my life, which included trying to resume the use of these medias. I haven't talked to half of my friends in over a year because of my ex and because of the social media aversion. I wanted to get back to communicating and being open about my life, to being myself.
As a part of my current attempt to recover, I've tried to get answers from my ex about his recent cheating on me when I was pregnant and him leading me on for the past year, while he apparently had another partner/mistress living with him for the majority of this time while he told me he has nothing and nobody but me. He has not given me any answers and instead keeps me hanging around still and make false hope statements instead of actually just giving me an answer and closure which is all I want so I can maybe stop having nightmares about him.
7 days ago I wrote him a final email about how I was going to try and find answers and closure with a psychologist regarding him since he's withholding closure from me for some reason and since I cannot expect an answer from him anymore regarding this confusing situation. I just wanted closure because I'm haunted by a lot of PTSD nightmares about him now. I have not contacted, looked up, spoken to or had anything to do with him or anyone he knows since then. It's been ok, until yesterday and today. These past 2 days I've been seeing his entire following list on Instagram as my top recommended suggestions to follow. These are people that I've never spokent to, I don't know them, I've never gone to their profile before, never liked or commented on their stuff and I don't have their contact information. The only person who hasn't shown up from his follow list is his "partner?" who I did block 2 months ago because they kind of creeped me out and scared me since they are a violent abusive person, and his new mistress because apparently today he now has started publically cheating on his current partner with her best friend again? I don't know, I have no idea what's going on with these people. I only noticed all of these bizzare things today after I started getting a overwhelming amount of his network recommended to me. First it was just his brother which was fine, got no problems with his family and his brother is the person that I understand the most in their family. But then I started getting weirded out by the amount of people my ex follows that started appearing after that today, it made me start shaking physically. I don't easily start shaking, but if something triggers my PTSD a lot then it starts happening. Been shaking for a few hours. I'm so confused by the situation and now I'm even more confused. It's hard because I'm just trying to live normally again and to move on, and I felt like I was maybe able to do so. Then this pops up and triggers me for the past couple days. I sent him an email about it some hours ago because I'm so uncomfortable. I probably wont get any answers from it, but maybe he will read it and understand that this is not fun for me and I don't like this situation. I don't know what triggered the suggestions, I don't know what Instagram's algorythm is regarding this, but I wish it would stop. This is the main reason why I stopped using it a couple years ago so it's frustrating.
What also confuses me more is that he's now pursuing his partners best friend who he's cheated on her and me with a couple times before. The only 2 times that I've seen this happen, it has been right before him having a big mental breakdown and might be consuming a lot of drugs and alcohol. So I feel triggered in the sense that this is uncomfortable and also because I feel bad because what if he's back in that same breakdown mode again? I don't know what to do. It makes me feel guilty and awful.
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