Social anxiety

[weird_wannabe]

Anyone here struggling with severe social anxiety?
For me it's one of the biggest reasons I want to die, I've always felt like I'm the odd one and never fit in. Never felt like I'm a real human with real emotions. It's really bizarre to know I'm real (if you know what I mean?)
Half a year ago I had appointment at a psychologist and explained my problem. He said it's impossible to learn social skills at my age (21) because I had been living in severe isolation from other people from infancy to mid-teens. It was really shitty to hear but unfortunately it makes sense. It doesn't matter how little or how much progress I make when I try my best to become normal, I'm just destined to fall back into something worse. I'm talking about social life
How do you deal with your anxiety?

 

[Ardesevent]

I am too, for mostly the same reasons. I've just dealt with it by avoiding it- I haven't left the house at all for the past few months.
Not sure how I'll deal when school starts back up again soon.

 

[_Minsk]

same, slowly i start feeling like the anxiety actually has a meaning, people can be horrible, i would hide myself either with or without social anxiety i guess

 

[Vault of Memories]

Social anxiety pretty much flipped my like around. All of a sudden I felt like people were talking about me all the time. Started not really talking to a lot of friends in school, because I assumed they'd be embarrassed to be seen with me. It goes on and on...

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I know what it is, dude. It still spoils my life. It's my deepest reason to ctb.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Anyone here struggling with severe social anxiety?
For me it's one of the biggest reasons I want to die, I've always felt like I'm the odd one and never fit in. Never felt like I'm a real human with real emotions. It's really bizarre to know I'm real (if you know what I mean?)
Half a year ago I had appointment at a psychologist and explained my problem. He said it's impossible to learn social skills at my age (21) because I had been living in severe isolation from other people from infancy to mid-teens. It was really shitty to hear but unfortunately it makes sense. It doesn't matter how little or how much progress I make when I try my best to become normal, I'm just destined to fall back into something worse. I'm talking about social life
How do you deal with your anxiety?

How lovely it is to see this post. You may call me a kindred spirit. I developed social anxiety disorder in my early teens. Mine wasn't too bad at the time, I could function in school and had a few friends. Never a social butterfly, always the guy at the back of the class. I learned to talk to girls back then so I'm able to date. My looks are above average so that helps.

It got much worse in my college years when I began doing weed and binge drinking to calm my fears. This led to full blown paranoia. I started to see everyone as my enemy, girls as cheaters, men wanting to harm me. Even children seemed like the ones from the corn. This made me stop smoking weed. I didn't stop drinking though. I managed to finish college and get some jobs, but I just couldn't trust anyone. To date, I can't shake the idea that everyone is plotting to character assassinate and then brutally murder me.

The mental health system is terrible in my country. I saw a few private specialists but they were just money hungry, patronizing quacks. I tried religion and hey, it helped a bit to feel I was under the protection of a superior power from my imagined enemies. I learnt a form of meditation to calm my nerves and pull me back to reality. However, I'm still defensive and hyper vigilant.

Maybe God and meditation isn't what you expected but it worked for me. I've managed to start a family and cut down on my drinking. I'm still not good at trusting people, not even my extended family. The stress of dealing with constant paranoia and fear is what brought me here. I'm hanging on for now, let's see about tomorrow.

 

[Linda]

Anyone here struggling with severe social anxiety?
For me it's one of the biggest reasons I want to die, I've always felt like I'm the odd one and never fit in. Never felt like I'm a real human with real emotions. It's really bizarre to know I'm real (if you know what I mean?)
Half a year ago I had appointment at a psychologist and explained my problem. He said it's impossible to learn social skills at my age (21) because I had been living in severe isolation from other people from infancy to mid-teens. It was really shitty to hear but unfortunately it makes sense. It doesn't matter how little or how much progress I make when I try my best to become normal, I'm just destined to fall back into something worse. I'm talking about social life
How do you deal with your anxiety?

It probably is now impossible to learn social skills in the way that most people learn them. But your psychologist was unimaginative. You will just have to learn them in a different way. Just like most people learn their language at around age 2, but people can learn a new language as an adult. You go about it differently, and it's harder, but it can be done. In your case, you start by getting out there with other people. You will make a fool of yourself at first, but you keep at it. And keep at it. Don't give up. You may never feel entirely at ease in many social settings, but that's a common situation. I am 67 with a successful career in the international business world behind me, and I still don't feel at ease in many kinds of large social gatherings. But I have learned to cope with them.

 

[Zappfe lover]

Definetely my main reason to go away. I'm so terrified to deal with people that sometimes I prefer to stay hungry than to go out to get food.

 

[Hybrid]

Same here but 23yo. Lost all my youth and feel like roping when talking to people in any context out of job. No friends or gf.

 

[weird_wannabe]

It probably is now impossible to learn social skills in the way that most people learn them. But your psychologist was unimaginative. You will just have to learn them in a different way. Just like most people learn their language at around age 2, but people can learn a new language as an adult. You go about it differently, and it's harder, but it can be done. In your case, you start by getting out there with other people. You will make a fool of yourself at first, but you keep at it. And keep at it. Don't give up. You may never feel entirely at ease in many social settings, but that's a common situation. I am 67 with a successful career in the international business world behind me, and I still don't feel at ease in many kinds of large social gatherings. But I have learned to cope with them.

This was a very insightful and helpful post, thank you for replying. Gives me a bit of hope

 

[parasytes_]

I'm a year older than you and I struggle with it too. I used to be somewhat okay at socializing, but it worsened due to some past experiences, and now I don't really have that much desire to talk to people. I won't lie, I do get lonely at times and get the natural urge to socialize, but my social anxiety and depression definitely gets in the way. At the same time, I'm pretty introverted so its hard to tell at times if it's my mental illness or introversion that stops me from socializing.

 

[Nymph]

Anyone here struggling with severe social anxiety?
For me it's one of the biggest reasons I want to die, I've always felt like I'm the odd one and never fit in. Never felt like I'm a real human with real emotions. It's really bizarre to know I'm real (if you know what I mean?)
Half a year ago I had appointment at a psychologist and explained my problem. He said it's impossible to learn social skills at my age (21) because I had been living in severe isolation from other people from infancy to mid-teens. It was really shitty to hear but unfortunately it makes sense. It doesn't matter how little or how much progress I make when I try my best to become normal, I'm just destined to fall back into something worse. I'm talking about social life
How do you deal with your anxiety?

Same, i don't really deal with anxiety. There's no way to deal with it I just have to suffer. I do have medication but in order for me to not be anxious I'd have to be high and basically non functional. Everytime I go out it sucks my energy so fast and I also sweat really bad. I literally have to wash my clothes everyday... and I'm so tired all the time. I'm done with life

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It does make my life a lot harder for sure. Situations that should be casual and forgettable become huge stressful battles in my head because of how warped my perception of other people and myself can get. It probably does push me towards suicide a lot since it affects how I see myself fitting into the world.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

[

It probably is now impossible to learn social skills in the way that most people learn them. But your psychologist was unimaginative. You will just have to learn them in a different way. Just like most people learn their language at around age 2, but people can learn a new language as an adult. You go about it differently, and it's harder, but it can be done. In your case, you start by getting out there with other people. You will make a fool of yourself at first, but you keep at it. And keep at it. Don't give up. You may never feel entirely at ease in many social settings, but that's a common situation. I am 67 with a successful career in the international business world behind me, and I still don't feel at ease in many kinds of large social gatherings. But I have learned to cope with them.

I just wanted to say thank you for your post. I know your reply was in response to the OP but I can relate to, and deal with, many of the same issues (severe generalized anxiety, social anxiety, YEARS of isolation and I never knew how to connect with people or feel comfortable around people before I became so isolated, etc...) and your analogy to learning another language in one's later years still being possible, just done differently and will be harder -- but is still POSSIBLE -- gave me hope and helped me see my own situation in a different and better/more hopeful way. I am 52 years old, had very very poor health both physical and mental for almost 25+ years now, and for most of that I've been very isolated from real world interactions, in fact for almost 20 years now I rarely leave home except when I absolutely must for doctor appointments. I've kept hope alive for all this time that my mental and physical health will improve and I can work on building some kind of life (what, at this point, I dont know. seems like at my age there isn't much left to work towards plus I know I'll never REALLY be healthy enough to do much).

But the thought I will never be able to interact with people, have even one or two REAL friends, and just enjoy laughing and connecting with other people is such a horribly depressing, bleak thought to contemplate. Most days I try to console myself with that I have my movies and books and the internet, but all just a futile attempt - I still feel that desire for human connection and friendship.

Your post gave me a some inspiration to at least imagine that my hope to one day not be this lonely, alone, socially inept recluse. Or at least try to not be that. And I'm OK with never being completely at east in social situations (large ones anyway...one on one I can probably achieve?)...that's how i got through my teenage years and early 20s before my health took a nosedive.

Sorry so long of a post to just simply say: thank you for your post. I hope it helped the OP as much as I did me. And I needed this kind of boost especially tonight so thank you again. Peace to you, to all of you. <3

It does make my life a lot harder for sure. Situations that should be casual and forgettable become huge stressful battles in my head because of how warped my perception of other people and myself can get. It probably does push me towards suicide a lot since it affects how I see myself fitting into the world.

I relate to this so much. Small casual situations are big challenges for people who don't feel they fit in, or have social anxieties. I avoided many social situations when I was younger, and then life happened and that choice was taken out of my hands when I got sick and any coping skills or tiny shred of 'confidence' I had has completely dissipated and at 52 yrs old, it's even harder to make friends (I have no kids/grandkids, career, all the "normal" stuff people my age connect and bond over). I just wanted to tell you someone else out here understands. <3

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I'd love to agree with the get yourself out there idea but it indicates a lack of understanding. There's a big difference between normal social anxiety and social anxiety disorder. The former is something everyone has. The latter is a severe psychological issue that makes it difficult to trust and be around people.

Not to be combative but you can't tell someone with SAD to get out there and make mistakes, that never works. It's like telling a depressed person to watch cartoons and comedies. It takes medication, therapy and sometimes a temporary chaperone to guide such a person until they gain a level of comfort in social situations.

 

[Emily123]

i just realized that i don't have social anxiety . people are really harassing me anytime that i am in society (transphobia turns my life to hell any time that I go out) . There can be the same reason for you . There are terrible people around us full of stupidity , selfishness and darkness . it may be a natural reaction to avoid them

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I don't have as much social anxiety, in the same way a lot of people do, but I do have severe general anxiety so I feel anxious all the time in any setting. I honestly feel more anxious alone, but that anxious feeling also causes me to avoid going anywhere unless I absolutely have to because when I'm anxious, I just want to lie down and don't want to be around anyone (even though it really would help). I'm by myself almost all of the time now too.
I'm generally comfortable talking to people one on one, for the most part. I definitely hate talking to large crowds, but that's normal. I cannot talk on the phone! My biggest phobia. I avoid it to an extreme. I've continued to make payments on things I no longer use because calling to cancel makes me so anxious. I went six months without hot water because I couldn't bring myself to call and get it fixed, which would also mean having to let people in my apartment while I was there. I seriously took baths by boiling water on the stove and then taking it into the tub and mixing it with the cold water. I ended up figuring out the problem on my own. I went two years with a painful abscessed tooth when I had the money to fix it because I was too anxious to make an appointment. I still haven't gotten it fix (and no longer have the money), but the pain went away. So many stories like this. My anxiety makes no sense.
Back to social, I also hate any kind of pressured interaction and I feel so uncomfortable. For instance, meeting a friend's parent or something. Job interviews are a nightmare and when I do land a job, I'm too anxious to try and work my way up the ladder. About a year ago, when I was being asked questions for jury duty, I could barely talk and was almost starting to cry because I was so anxious. I didn't realize toward the end that I was bouncing my leg up and down in the front row and rocking back and forth in my chair
I probably looked strung out. I am lucky in that I don't come across as very awkward anymore in most social settings (unless I'm talking to someone I'm attracted to or speaking to a crowd), even if I am uncomfortable. A lot of people who know me, would be surprised to know I even have anxiety, especially if they met me when I was around people I knew. I can be quite extroverted sometimes. I do hate being out in public more and more though. Now when I have to walk to the gas station or something, I wear a hoodie and sunglasses just to feel less exposed, when I used to be opposite (under exposed showing off my body) But yeah, anxiety is what has ruined my life and is the root of all my problems, but it isn't just narrowed down to social settings. I just feel anxious all the time for no reason, and when there is a reason, it's even more debilitating. Leaving the house is a big one, no matter what the reason, and it's getting worse.

 

[redbutterfly]

i just realized that i don't have social anxiety . people are really harassing me anytime that i am in society (transphobia turns my life to hell any time that I go out) . There can be the same reason for you . There are terrible people around us full of stupidity , selfishness and darkness . it may be a natural reaction to avoid them

i can relate to this. starting my transition made my anxiety so much worse

 

[Linda]

I'd love to agree with the get yourself out there idea but it indicates a lack of understanding. There's a big difference between normal social anxiety and social anxiety disorder. The former is something everyone has. The latter is a severe psychological issue that makes it difficult to trust and be around people.

Not to be combative but you can't tell someone with SAD to get out there and make mistakes, that never works. It's like telling a depressed person to watch cartoons and comedies. It takes medication, therapy and sometimes a temporary chaperone to guide such a person until they gain a level of comfort in social situations.

Thanks for the feedback. Can you educate me a little on this, please. Is SAD a fundamentally different condition from what you call "ordinary" social anxiety, or is there a spectrum with "ordinary" anxiety at one end and SAD at the other. If SAD is fundamentally different, are you able to explain the differences in a bit more detail?

 

[Emily123]

i can relate to this. starting my transition made my anxiety so much worse

i am sorry honey that they don't let us to live our lives . it's the minimum expectation that we can have from the society to just leave us alone . i am okay as long as I stay home . it's the behaviour of people that gives me dysphoria

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

If SAD is fundamentally different, are you able to explain the differences in a bit more detail?

I'd love to explain. They are fundamentally different. Social anxiety is like shyness, everyone has it to varying degrees. Even the most confident extrovert feels a bit of anxiousness when making a speech in front of large gatherings. It is entirely normal and easily overcome.

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) or social phobia is a mental illness. Many so called introverts actually suffer from this. It is a phobia, a deeply entrenched fear of the thoughts, feelings and intentions of others. A SAD sufferer would rather die than meet new people or be in social gatherings. It's often accompanied by paranoia and delusions of persecution.

For instance, a SAD sufferer, believing there's something inherently wrong with them will assume that others will hate, persecute and alienate them. This leads to behavior like self isolation, defensiveness and hyper vigilance. I hope this helps.

 

[Linda]

I'd love to explain. They are fundamentally different. Social anxiety is like shyness, everyone has it to varying degrees. Even the most confident extrovert feels a bit of anxiousness when making a speech in front of large gatherings. It is entirely normal and easily overcome.

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) or social phobia is a mental illness. Many so called introverts actually suffer from this. It is a phobia, a deeply entrenched fear of the thoughts, feelings and intentions of others. A SAD sufferer would rather die than meet new people or be in social gatherings. It's often accompanied by paranoia and delusions of persecution.

For instance, a SAD sufferer, believing there's something inherently wrong with them will assume that others will hate, persecute and alienate them. This leads to behavior like self isolation, defensiveness and hyper vigilance. I hope this helps.

Yes, it helps a lot. So, if I understand you correctly, in "ordinary" social anxiety the intentions of other people are seen as neutral, whereas in SAD they are seen as hostile (or, at least, potentially hostile)? Is that right?

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Yes, it helps a lot. So, if I understand you correctly, in "ordinary" social anxiety the intentions of other people are seen as neutral, whereas in SAD they are seen as hostile (or, at least, potentially hostile)? Is that right?

This is exactly right. I live with this confusion everyday day. On the one hand, logic tells me that most people are simply too busy to care about me. On the other hand, even a accidental glance in my direction by a group of strangers makes me wonder if they're discussing me. If they laugh, it raises even more suspicion. And mind you, I've never met these people before and I'm always decently dressed. I look like everyone else in the street.

 

[Linda]

This is exactly right. I live with this confusion everyday day. On the one hand, logic tells me that most people are simply too busy to care about me. On the other hand, even a accidental glance in my direction by a group of strangers makes me wonder if they're discussing me. If they laugh, it raises even more suspicion. And mind you, I've never met these people before and I'm always decently dressed. I look like everyone else in the street.

Thank you. The experience of wondering "are they taking about me" is actually very common. I have often felt that way. (Sometimes "they" are, usually they aren't.) The difference seems to be that for me it's no big deal. I don't really care if people want to talk about me - though I might feel sorry for them for not having anything more interesting to talk about.

You sound very intelligent. Have you ever tried to figure out the cause of this? Could it arise, for example, from a situation in the distant past when such people really were out to get you?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It doesn't matter how little or how much progress I make when I try my best to become normal, I'm just destined to fall back into something worse.

Why do you feel "destined" to this? That language suggests that you have had enough life experiences to support the hypothesis that all possible paths lead to failure. I'm not sure I get that sense from what you've shared here. (Please correct me if I'm wrong. I know that it's impossible to know everyone's full story. I'm speaking purely based on your posts.) You are young and I guess I still see great hope for you. As @Linda mentioned, it might not be the typical path, and it definitely won't be easy, but I don't see you as destined for failure. Virtually, you've interacted very well with us. Maybe that's a start? :-)

 

[Greenberg]

Anyone here struggling with severe social anxiety?
For me it's one of the biggest reasons I want to die, I've always felt like I'm the odd one and never fit in. Never felt like I'm a real human with real emotions. It's really bizarre to know I'm real (if you know what I mean?)
Half a year ago I had appointment at a psychologist and explained my problem. He said it's impossible to learn social skills at my age (21) because I had been living in severe isolation from other people from infancy to mid-teens. It was really shitty to hear but unfortunately it makes sense. It doesn't matter how little or how much progress I make when I try my best to become normal, I'm just destined to fall back into something worse. I'm talking about social life
How do you deal with your anxiety?

May I ask if you have tried antidepressants? If so, how effective were they?

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

The difference seems to be that for me it's no big deal. I don't really care if people want to talk about me - though I might feel sorry for them for not having anything more interesting to talk about.

You sound very intelligent. Have you ever tried to figure out the cause of this? Could it arise, for example, from a situation in the distant past when such people really were out to get you?

The fact that it's a big deal for me but not for you is the difference between SAD and normal anxiety. My situation can be exhausting, never really sure of what's real and what's not. It makes a lot of people kill themselves.

In my case, I was raised by an overprotective single mom. She kept me isolated in my preteen years, warning me that people out there wanted to poison me out of jealousy for being a smart kid. I grew up in a small apartment believing that I was surrounded by child murderers. Disobedience was punishable. She even had neighbours spy on me. I don't blame her, it was a misguided act of maternal love. However, it really messed me up.

 

[Belit667]

Definetely my main reason to go away. I'm so terrified to deal with people that sometimes I prefer to stay hungry than to go out to get food.

Similar here! Sometimes I'd rather starve than leave my flat.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Yeah I struggle with social anxiety too, its pretty difficult being the cause of my own lonliness and still not have any control over it. I hope you find a way to overcome it.

I find it next to impossible to interact with people in the real world. No matter how hard I try I always freeze up around people and they can tell straight away that they're better off not trying to talk to me.

I hate small talk and when I do have common interests with someone its always hard to make interesting conversation out of it.

I actively try to avoid people that I know around my town from work or school because its just embarrassing to try talk to them.

I wish I knew how to socialise with people so I wasn't such an outcast. I've missed out on a lot already in life. Although at the same time I never wanna leave the house.

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

I've had social anxiety for a really long time too, it sucks though because I freak out and panic over little things and I feel like I miscommunicate because of it and it makes things bad for me.

I feel like it really hurts me when I'm at a job too because there's a bunch of little things I'm terrified of doing and I constantly need to check and make sure I'm doing it right. And I let people walk all over me...

I don't have any friends.. and I honestly have no idea why, I try to be kind and accepting and supportive of everyone but no one wants to be around me.. no one talks to me or anything and if I say hi to someone there's like a 25% chance I will get a response. I feel like it's because I get panicy and act weird