Social Anxiety Paradox

[Ligottian]

A couple of days ago I visited a state park not many miles from my home. It had a gift shop, and I started a conversation with the cashier about park related matters. I was the only other person in the shop. I didn't feel any anxiety or stress at all. I'm guessing it was because 1. I knew the conversation would be short. 2. I knew I could "flee" (leave at any time) if I became uncomfortable. 3. I would have no further contact with this person. On the other hand, things like family gatherings are hell because I am trapped for hours. I'm already dreading the holidays.

Can anyone else relate to what I just wrote?

 

[Hollowillow]

My family was abusive. So yes. But not for the same reasons... But I have a feeling your reasons might be the same as mine. Or maybe pressure to be as they wish.

 

[hamvil]

Same here. Short interaction are usually fine albeit there is always the risk for me that somebody will make some attempt at smalltalk (i guess this is the way you call it in english). I am not particularly happy about that. In the past I saw it as a waste of time, now I just realise I am not good at it.

Gatherings used to be terrible in the past. Now I do not participate in any. I have no friends and my family essentially consists only in my father which does not want me around.

In general I am not good in such situations. I never know what to talk about and i tend to get fixated on certain topics. People tend to like light conversations while I tend to bring heavy arguments. Moreover I do not get at all non-verbal clue which makes interacting with other people troublesome.

I admit that the fault is totally mine, I am not able to function in this world. Not sure if it is genetics, education, environment....

 

[Ginnn]

Same here. Short interaction are usually fine albeit there is always the risk for me that somebody will make some attempt at smalltalk (i guess this is the way you call it in english). I am not particularly happy about that. In the past I saw it as a waste of time, now I just realise I am not good at it.

Gatherings used to be terrible in the past. Now I do not participate in any. I have no friends and my family essentially consists only in my father which does not want me around.

In general I am not good in such situations. I never know what to talk about and i tend to get fixated on certain topics. People tend to like light conversations while I tend to bring heavy arguments. Moreover I do not get at all non-verbal clue which makes interacting with other people troublesome.

I admit that the fault is totally mine, I am not able to function in this world. Not sure if it is genetics, education, environment....

Exactly the same happens to me

 

[hamvil]

Exactly the same happens to me

Then I guess we can virtually sit in silence in from of a virtual beer without any attempt at smalltalk

 

[Ginnn]

Then I guess we can virtually sit in silence in from of a virtual beer without any attempt at smalltalk

of course i would love to

 

[Ligottian]

My family was abusive. So yes. But not for the same reasons... But I have a feeling your reasons might be the same as mine. Or maybe pressure to be as they wish.

They are extroverts with who I have nothing in common with.

 

[Huntfish34]

I can certainly relate.... Especially with family gatherings / holidays. Gives me knots down to the pit of my stomach. Fck I hate that shit.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can absolutely relate. I'm usually OK with one other person but as the numbers increase, I just crumble. Once, the company I was working for surprised us with pizza after work as a 'thank you' and I felt so sick to my stomach that I couldn't eat anything- which drew even more attention to me. It's SO messed up because I'd been working alongside everyone for weeks. It's just that hint of anything social and it all just goes to shit. I work from home and haven't socialised in years now. I barely even leave the house. I dread to think how I would react now.

We can all be socially inept hermits together in spirit I suppose.

 

[LifeHasNoOptIn]

I can absolutely relate for the reasons you noted. I seem to generally do fine in a one on one setting, but when it becomes a group dynamic the anxiety is pretty overpowering. The family gathering dynamic is it's own beast that I try to avoid whenever possible. One of the small benefits of getting older is people have finally begun to accept that I really mean it when I say I don't want to go to any parties or gatherings. I rarely even get asked these days and when I do they usually start with "I know you probably aren't interested..." which makes the "no thanx" part easier.

 

[nottheend]

A couple of days ago I visited a state park not many miles from my home. It had a gift shop, and I started a conversation with the cashier about park related matters. I was the only other person in the shop. I didn't feel any anxiety or stress at all. I'm guessing it was because 1. I knew the conversation would be short. 2. I knew I could "flee" (leave at any time) if I became uncomfortable. 3. I would have no further contact with this person. On the other hand, things like family gatherings are hell because I am trapped for hours. I'm already dreading the holidays.

Can anyone else relate to what I just wrote?

100% relate to this