Venting Sober at night for the first time in almost a year.

[Anxieyote]

I did it. I finally did it.

I'm not drinking tonight, and there's no alcohol in the house; so I couldn't even if I wanted to.

But it doesn't feel good. I'm sorry, I wish I could say that I'm experiencing a sense of triumph, but hnnggggggghhhh.

I can feel my back pain acutely, and my thoughts are allowed to roam free without the influence of alcohol in my veins. It sucks. The loneliness hits stronger at night, and without the alcohol I can feel it.

Is it going to be like the nights I used to have where I could only fall asleep at 3am when my mind tired itself out from overthinking? If so, it's 9:30pm so I have like 6 more hours to go. Fuck this.

 

[Tomoko]

Good luck. Sounds like you're having a bit of a hard time right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I understand that loneliness can be painful. I wish you the best.