Sobbed again

[whatevs]

I think it was over a year ago that I cried bitterly in solitude about crushing loneliness. I did it again today in the bathroom. As a fanciful move, I decided to check out my face in the mirror after the crying session. My eyes were beautifully crimson and my eyebrows were locked in a perfectly archetypal mournful position.

My father came in as I walked out. He probably heard something. I brushed it off, why talk about it with him?

How I got here is simple to deduce. Alien interests, alien values, chronic fatigue, a sexual injury during developmental years. It's terrifying how many needs our prison cell bodies impose on us, sleep, food, water, hygiene, company, stimulation...

This is why they can coordinate a large scale conspiracy: we are all struggling to just feel normal, and just with the two variables of money and social attractiveness (or ostracism) they can beat almost anyone into submission.

Life is slavery but I don't want to die. Something's missing here, for sure. My mind isn't made up. I guess crying made me feel slightly better so that's why this is in recovery.

 

[jodes2]

Well said. Sorry you're suffering

 

[theboy]

hugs for you

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

You're a good dude, whatevs. Smart, too. I think you write well and come off as pretty personable most of the time. I can't think of any good reason why the fates have decided you must be so lonely. I mean, I'm sure you've isolated yourself somewhat too but I do suspect you have a lot to offer in general. Loneliness is one of the worst things to experience, and sometimes we feel it even when surrounded by people.

I think it's great you're going along your journey with an eye to recovery - many posts you make seem to be in the vein of wanting to climb out of the hole you're in and make progress. I can only applaud that, and wish you success in the future. I have a feeling you'll get there, funny enough.

 

[Pluto]

Sorry to see you experiencing such a frustrating situation. Being able to vent emotions like this is very healthy, though. As storms of overwhelming emotion pass, perhaps you can seek out any other psychological blockages preventing a sense of clarity from arising.

Loneliness has become a pandemic in modern society, despite (or because of) the largest human population of all time. Is there a conspiracy to keep us buying stuff to feel better? Are we easier to control when divided? What is to be done?

 

[Message In A Bottle]

It seems like no amount of human entertainment, or accomplishment can combat loneliness - You can put a bandaid on it, but no matter what one does it's always lurking somewhere in the background.

Sorry, I can't offer many words of comfort, I am going through the same thing and I don't know how one goes about life without physically having someone to share the experience with. I do feel your pain though.

And...I think we all have had that moment of looking in the mirror after a good long crying sesh - I guess we all get a bit curious to see the damage afterwards.

 

[noname223]

Honestly I would like to comfort you but I don't know how. It is pretty hard to deal with several issues at the same time. It can feel like a spirale downwards.

I had different experienes with crying. Sometimes it can feel relieving and cathartic. Sometimes it made me feel rather worse.

I am glad you are still fighting this fight. I am glad to see you here in recovery. Life can be pretty harsh and unfair. I can relate to not being able to open up to your parents. I don't have the feeling my parents understand me. However I still talk to them. It can give me support but some topics always end bad when I talk with them about them.

You are a strong person @whatevs I really like you despite the fact we have different world views. I have the feeling you respect me and it is mutual for sure.

Don't be too harsh to yourself. Often life is really unfair and treats the good people badly. You don't deserve to suffer this much.

Hugs.

 

[whatevs]

Honestly I would like to comfort you but I don't know how. It is pretty hard to deal with several issues at the same time. It can feel like a spirale downwards.

I had different experienes with crying. Sometimes it can feel relieving and cathartic. Sometimes it made me feel rather worse.

I am glad you are still fighting this fight. I am glad to see you here in recovery. Life can be pretty harsh and unfair. I can relate to not being able to open up to your parents. I don't have the feeling my parents understand me. However I still talk to them. It can give me support but some topics always end bad when I talk with them about them.

You are a strong person @whatevs I really like you despite the fact we have different world views. I have the feeling you respect me and it is mutual for sure.

Don't be too harsh to yourself. Often life is really unfair and treats the good people badly. You don't deserve to suffer this much.

Hugs.

Yep noname, I like and appreciate you and your own journey trying to make your life bearable. Regardless of how one sees the world, when there's good will and intelligence the person should get a pass

Thanks for your support. For me, because I don't do it often, crying helps. I can imagine self pity made manifest as an habit would be damaging over time.

You're a good dude, whatevs. Smart, too. I think you write well and come off as pretty personable most of the time. I can't think of any good reason why the fates have decided you must be so lonely. I mean, I'm sure you've isolated yourself somewhat too but I do suspect you have a lot to offer in general. Loneliness is one of the worst things to experience, and sometimes we feel it even when surrounded by people.

I think it's great you're going along your journey with an eye to recovery - many posts you make seem to be in the vein of wanting to climb out of the hole you're in and make progress. I can only applaud that, and wish you success in the future. I have a feeling you'll get there, funny enough.

You're my favorite taxi driver, Dolan.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I'm so sorry you are suffering. Loneliness is one of the most soul crushing things. And your point about how many needs our own bodies impose on us says it all, it is the biggest battle we are all facing.
I am still crying a lot. My crying hasn't ceased. I often wonder if my other family members hear me? Can my brother hear me in the next room? What do you think you would have done had your father wanted to talk to you about it?

 

[jamie_]

That overwhelming crushing feeling of loneliness happens whenever I go outside, try to do the things that I used to enjoy, or try to just live life (study, maintain myself, wash myself, do anything for myself). It is perhaps why I do nothing but stay inside and distract myself. It is a way of coping. To forget that I am even lonely in the first place.

 

[whatevs]

I'm so sorry you are suffering. Loneliness is one of the most soul crushing things. And your point about how many needs our own bodies impose on us says it all, it is the biggest battle we are all facing.
I am still crying a lot. My crying hasn't ceased. I often wonder if my other family members hear me? Can my brother hear me in the next room? What do you think you would have done had your father wanted to talk to you about it?

At that time I didn't want to talk it with him. We do communicate, but there's a limit to what he can understand. He hasn't been anorgasmic and hungover (unrefreshed, malaise, foggy) for 11 years, which is what my injury and physical illness inflicts on me every single day.

 

[outatime_85]

@whatevs How are you holding up?

Are you feeling a little better today than before?

 

[whatevs]

@whatevs How are you holding up?

Are you feeling a little better today than before?

My life is a rollercoaster in which misery and solitude are the gravitational pull of the planet but there is a hopeful man trying to reach for the moon. The current technology is unstable at best, so a crash is not far-fetched. We´ll see.

 

[outatime_85]

My life is a rollercoaster in which misery and solitude are the gravitational pull of the planet but there is a hopeful man trying to reach for the moon. The current technology is unstable at best, so a crash is not far-fetched. We´ll see.

I am sorry you are experiencing turbulence.

I am glad that you are trying to keep your aircraft in the sky, the nose level, and staying hopeful.