So unhappy, that I can't maintain relationships

[lunargreenx]

I can't get near to people, they are just filled with happiness and so full of love for life that I cannot help but see. My colleagues, who are either getting married or getting hookups every week. My relatives who have kids and starting a family. Strangers, who say to me that "I am at the best age of my life" and reminesce about how great it was for them. I see it in their eyes how these people are so confident and even when something bad happens, they can come home because someone is waiting for them.

I can't be on friendly terms with anyone of them. I don't want to see them. I don't wish to speak to them. It's too painful. It is a constant reminder of my own failures.

I've reached that point in my life where the only thing that brings me joy is when I see someone more unhappy than me.

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

The man I love just walked out of my life because he said being with me made him unhappy, so I certainly feel too unhappy to maintain any relationships...

I want to be happy for other people when things go well for them, but it's hard when everything hurts so much right now.

 

[whatevs]

You have fallen into the dark side, OP. At least you are honest though: now your resentment and hatred has made you "appreciative" of the misery of other people. I too became like that, but I fight to get out of the hole and connect with people. I think great suffering brings out what you really are inside, and gives opportunity for illumination or the complete opposite.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I can't get near to people, they are just filled with happiness and so full of love for life that I cannot help but see. My colleagues, who are either getting married or getting hookups every week. My relatives who have kids and starting a family. Strangers, who say to me that "I am at the best age of my life" and reminesce about how great it was for them. I see it in their eyes how these people are so confident and even when something bad happens, they can come home because someone is waiting for them.

I can't be on friendly terms with anyone of them. I don't want to see them. I don't wish to speak to them. It's too painful. It is a constant reminder of my own failures.

I've reached that point in my life where the only thing that brings me joy is when I see someone more unhappy than me.

This is me too. I am covered in darkness I am so scared and there is no escape either and people feel it

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that must be very painful, as seeing what others have makes you aware of what you do not have. I'm sorry you are in this situation, this life can be very depressing. I have no idea what it would be like, to want to live. I have never wanted to be alive. I wish you the best.

 

[lunargreenx]

You have fallen into the dark side, OP. At least you are honest though: now your resentment and hatred has made you "appreciative" of the misery of other people. I too became like that, but I fight to get out of the hole and connect with people. I think great suffering brings out what you really are inside, and gives opportunity for illumination or the complete opposite.

Hmmm.. I don't think I quite agree. My unhappiness fuels my resentment and hatred and not the other way around. I am not like this. I know if things were different I would not behave like I do now. The 11 years of misery has it's toll. I should have grown up like stupid teenager, drinking alcohol and smoking. Instead I was trapped with my abusive mother and no possible future that I could see. I was already 30 mentally by the point I reached 13. I was and still am very miserable. But when the pain happens during childhood... it changes you.

 

[LastFlowers]

I want to be happy for other people when things go well for them, but it's hard when everything hurts so much right now

I always found the push for the unhappy to be happy for others rather sadistic and unrealistic.
(Especially when they have every reason to be absolutely devastated.)
Should we expect the reverse?
For others to be miserable in response to our own misery?
I doubt anyone would oblige us.
Seems silly to me, I don't know that anyone can be truly "happy" for someone else when they are starved of happiness for themselves.
I certainly don't subscribe to that societal expectation and I never will, I'm not here to be an audience member to applaud everyone else's good fortune while I rot on the sidelines and they turn a blind eye.
I dream of the day when such a scarce emotion is equally doled out to all.

I think one scenario where it might be understandable is when someone has already had a great deal of happiness in their life and so they want to share it and see to it that others reach the same (if able), they got their fill so now they can genuinely set their sights elsewhere to appreciate the newfound joy of others.
I really believe it would do the world a great deal of good however, if we stopped smelling the roses in another person's garden, and instead assisted in cultivating the ones which are wilted and razed to the earth.
This society has a fetish for positivity when it's completely unearned.

Personally, if I were ever-by some miracle-to aquire the means to be content, never mind happy, I think the last thing I would concern myself with would be some egotistical demand for others to delight in my spoils, absolutely unnecessary if I were at peace with my life.

 

[whatevs]

Oh, I didn't misunderstood eh, I know exactly how unhappiness can make you literally feel joyful when thinking of massive catastrophes. I was really rooting for covid when I thought it was actually going to do something.

I just think it's better to try and get out of that mindset.

 

[Rational man]

The man I love just walked out of my life because he said being with me made him unhappy, so I certainly feel too unhappy to maintain any relationships...

I want to be happy for other people when things go well for them, but it's hard when everything hurts so much right now.

I.always thought that true love and commitment is being together in the highs and lows!

 

[lunargreenx]

Personally, if I were ever-by some miracle-to aquire the means to be content, never mind happy, I think the last thing I would concern myself with would be some egotistical demand for others to delight in my spoils, absolutely unnecessary if I were at peace with my life.

Well said. I think when someone went through hell, he/she can hardly make expectation to be happy. I am also striving to be content. I don't need to be rich, have amazing job and huge family. Just please, If I could have someone I care about and vice versa and small flat with normal income.

So far, I have achieved only the last one. And I can tell you - I've grown up poor and now I have pretty above-average income - money (or the material things) does really not make any difference if you don't have something to back it up.