Venting So unbearably depressed

[m3nhera]

I'd say I've never felt this sad before but that would be a lie. I'm sick of my mood swings and maybe you guys are also tired of hearing about it on this forum lmao. Imagine how tired I am.

Anyways I just feel REALLY down lately though like something is seriously wrong. I'm depressed most of the time but this is worse than usual. I wasn't even happy to see my paycheck which honestly really concerns me. I felt absolutely nothing. It's hard to look forward to anything, getting up for work in the morning has felt slightly harder despite me enjoying my job. It feels like there's something weighing me down all the time.

I'm so tired and none of my hobbies are making me happy anymore, even food doesn't make me happy. I still enjoy it but when I eat it, instead of also feeling actual joy like I used to, it's more of just liking the physical taste. Like when you're hungry and you eat you're technically satisfied but it's purely that, never anything mental.

I don't think I'll feel happy ever again. Life is such a drag and I can feel myself sinking back into darkness and maybe this time I won't be able to pull myself back out.

I feel so hopeless. I truly want to die but have no energy to do it. I barely have energy for anything, my room hasn't been fully clean in weeks, I'm so exhausted.

I was supposed to sleep hours ago since I have work early in the morning, I took my sleep meds but I literally fought the sleepiness just so I could cry for a few hours. I'm pathetic and now I'll be exhausted at work too. I hate my life. I hate everything and my mom especially for making me relapse into this depressive state.

EDIT: bf sent me a really sweet text that made me feel a bit better :) adding this bc today is a special day for us and just in case he finds this account I don't want him to think I lie about being happy or that his love doesn't help, it's not like that. Mental illness is just a bitch and doesn't care how good or bad your life is(although it would help if my mom wasn't insufferable)

 

[Pvnie]

is it truly a down feeling or is it just an empty feeling? Sometimes I miss the feeling of being sad and soaking in my misery back when I was a wee little jit. I relate mad hard, the game fucking sucks, weed fucking sucks everything fucking sucks

 

[chloeburbank]

im so sorry for what youre going through :c i think im in the same boat. recently the only thing ive been able to think of is ctbing. the only times where i forget about my problems is when im not sober. eating doesn't make me happy either. i feel disgusted after eating and just want to purge it all.

 

[RawRX3]

def get that lots : (

have been feeling pretty similar, just feels like there's very little that could change anything meaningfully for me and the few things that can aren't anything remotely likely to happen

support and care <3

 

[m3nhera]

im so sorry for what youre going through :c i think im in the same boat. recently the only thing ive been able to think of is ctbing. the only times where i forget about my problems is when im not sober. eating doesn't make me happy either. i feel disgusted after eating and just want to purge it all.

Yeah nothing is truly enjoyable anymore yet we still do it, day in and day out

def get that lots : (

have been feeling pretty similar, just feels like there's very little that could change anything meaningfully for me and the few things that can aren't anything remotely likely to happen

support and care <3

Thank you for caring, I wish you well too <3

I also feel like not much will ever change

is it truly a down feeling or is it just an empty feeling? Sometimes I miss the feeling of being sad and soaking in my misery back when I was a wee little jit. I relate mad hard, the game fucking sucks, weed fucking sucks everything fucking sucks

Both. Sometimes I wish I was just empty, then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm in deep despair.

is it truly a down feeling or is it just an empty feeling? Sometimes I miss the feeling of being sad and soaking in my misery back when I was a wee little jit. I relate mad hard, the game fucking sucks, weed fucking sucks everything fucking sucks

Both. Sometimes I wish I was just empty, then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm in deep despair.

im so sorry for what youre going through :c i think im in the same boat. recently the only thing ive been able to think of is ctbing. the only times where i forget about my problems is when im not sober. eating doesn't make me happy either. i feel disgusted after eating and just want to purge it all.

On this topic I spent like $150 on cookies this past month, yes I'm ashamed but it's one of the only things that made me feel even a little better